Breakdown

I guess I’m trying to be nonchalant about it and I’m going through extremes to prove I’m fine without it. But in reality I’m slowly losing my mind… Underneath a disguise of a smile, gradually I'm dying inside..

That song is the soundtrack of my heart right now. Its as if I feel deep down inside he may not feel the same way I do and if he says “I care for you but I’m just not in love” I’ll pretend to feel similarly and I’ll be truly torn up inside.

I don’t know why I always think the worse.

So what do you do when someone you’re so devoted to suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven’t got a clue of the pain that rejection is putting you through? Do you hold it all inside and say “I will survive”? Do you lash out and say “How dare you leave this way..”? Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away??

Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly because I don’t want to reveal the fact that I’m suffering. So I wear my disguise until I got home at night, and turn down all the lights—and then I break down and cry.

No one knows that sometimes I get so sad that I just go for a run alone and stop in the middle of the track, drop to my knees and cry. I do this at least once a week. Don’t ask why. Its just how I am. You can blame that guy I guess.. Or maybe I’m just living in this song.