When I was little I always had this same dream... Its starts out with me noticing someone from across the room. I think he's really attractive and I want to meet him but when I begin to get close to him, he suddenly goes away. The rest of the dream involves me chasing him down just trying to see his face. The dream usually stopped after I caught up to him and am about to see his face. Usually I trip and fall to my death or something. Once, I thought I caught him and he turned around but it was the wrong guy. Another time I fell to my death--- but I didn't die because when I hit the ground I just got back up and began to run some more after this guy. I never found him.
I did crazy things to get to this guy too. I was jumping down flights of stairs. Running across the tops of buildings. Like real fearless shit. Once I think the guy even noticed me chasing him and he still continued to run. Sometimes he wouldn't even run... He would just walk at a normal pace but I still couldn't move fast enough. smh.
Now that dream has a bit more significance to me. I get it now. Chasing after goals that even I don't really believe I can reach.. and if I am ever able to reach it, something happens to me where it doesn't matter anymore or it turns out to be something that I don't want.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I'm Single... Still.
I'm Single.. Still single that is. Very single. Like, not even close to being in a relationship. I don't even talk to any guys right now. Hell, I really don't even care about my disastrous nonexistent love life for once in my life. Things are the way they should be. I've accepted the fact that I've got this weird tendency to chase after guys that I know don't want to be committed to me or that really think I'm 100% psycho. Eh, whatever. I actually thought about not being as crazy just to see how it would work out with someone but I've finally realized that... that shit is for the birds. I am merely a shell of myself if I eliminate my so called crazy trait. I'm so boring. I don't feel like myself anymore.
I don't know where that came from. Everyone is trying to change me back to the old me or change me into someone totally different.. but I don't want to change. I just want to live my LIFE.
I am NOT changing. I will never change. Fuck.
Im sorry. My blog is such a bore now. I never write about shit. No rendezvous. No crazy antics. No witty commentary. No nothing. I've let you down. I'll get back on it soon. Just wait. I just need to... exhale.
I don't know where that came from. Everyone is trying to change me back to the old me or change me into someone totally different.. but I don't want to change. I just want to live my LIFE.
I am NOT changing. I will never change. Fuck.
Im sorry. My blog is such a bore now. I never write about shit. No rendezvous. No crazy antics. No witty commentary. No nothing. I've let you down. I'll get back on it soon. Just wait. I just need to... exhale.
Dramz of Course
I'm just so tired of it all. You have no idea how drained I have been. All I want to do is work and have a good time by myself. *sigh*
So many half ass written blog entries that probably won't ever be seen by anyone other than me. Love letters devoted to loves that never were and never will be. Tears that won't be shed. Just.... I don't know.
You'd think that super single me wouldn't have guy drama but inevitably my past still haunts me. I'm still being blamed for breaking up "happy homes". Hmmmm, I think we shall explore this further..
Once upon a time, I made the mistake for falling for an older man. I was 15 about to turn 16 and he was 21. In the end, I was used, lied to and got myself in a LOT of drama that no teenage girl should be involved with. Fast forward to now.. that same guy somehow finds his way back into my life. The plot thickens though. He is now involved with the older sister of one of my closest friends. She tries to use a fake friendship between us to get information about his first baby mama-- the one i had ALL the drama with. She invites me over to their apartment and while she's in the bathroom or has her head turned he's blowing kisses my way and telling me to call him. He's also CALLING me every chance he gets. But hey I mean, can you blame him? She finds out and accuses me of being a fake friend and now feels the need to tell the whole world how I'm trying to take her man. I let the shit go. I move on. It doesn't end just there. She begins to lie to my brother's girlfriend about me.. Basically she becomes obsessed with me. She even comes up to my job to see if i'm working or not. Hahaha. How pathetic can you get?! She also makes her "man" change his number so I won't be able to contact him.. Unfortunately he still has my number memorized and decides to call me private all the damn time. I constantly tell him to STOP calling but he doesn't listen.
Whew. I tried to condense like 5 years of nonsense into a ball of blabber jabber. Oh but wait there's more.
but I'll save that for another time. Just know that I have so much drama in my life. I just want to be happy & alone. Why can't these hoes leave me alone???
So many half ass written blog entries that probably won't ever be seen by anyone other than me. Love letters devoted to loves that never were and never will be. Tears that won't be shed. Just.... I don't know.
You'd think that super single me wouldn't have guy drama but inevitably my past still haunts me. I'm still being blamed for breaking up "happy homes". Hmmmm, I think we shall explore this further..
Once upon a time, I made the mistake for falling for an older man. I was 15 about to turn 16 and he was 21. In the end, I was used, lied to and got myself in a LOT of drama that no teenage girl should be involved with. Fast forward to now.. that same guy somehow finds his way back into my life. The plot thickens though. He is now involved with the older sister of one of my closest friends. She tries to use a fake friendship between us to get information about his first baby mama-- the one i had ALL the drama with. She invites me over to their apartment and while she's in the bathroom or has her head turned he's blowing kisses my way and telling me to call him. He's also CALLING me every chance he gets. But hey I mean, can you blame him? She finds out and accuses me of being a fake friend and now feels the need to tell the whole world how I'm trying to take her man. I let the shit go. I move on. It doesn't end just there. She begins to lie to my brother's girlfriend about me.. Basically she becomes obsessed with me. She even comes up to my job to see if i'm working or not. Hahaha. How pathetic can you get?! She also makes her "man" change his number so I won't be able to contact him.. Unfortunately he still has my number memorized and decides to call me private all the damn time. I constantly tell him to STOP calling but he doesn't listen.
Whew. I tried to condense like 5 years of nonsense into a ball of blabber jabber. Oh but wait there's more.
but I'll save that for another time. Just know that I have so much drama in my life. I just want to be happy & alone. Why can't these hoes leave me alone???
Sunday, January 2, 2011
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