Sunday Hair Day

Just realized that its SUNDAY & of course I did my hair. SMH. Today's regimen? Hopped in the shower & cowashed Ursula (fro) with a combination of Aussie Moist Conditioner & Suave Professionals Almond & Shea Butter Conditioner. Added more water for "slip" and finger detangled completely. While the conditioner soaked into my drenched strands, I finished showering then finally rinsed with luke warm, then cool water. Afterwards, with hair still dripping wet, I applied Cantu Shea Butter Conditioning Repair Cream (leave in) all over my curls, then followed with oiling hair with jojoba & hemp seed oil. Once hair was completely oiled, I grabbed my old faithful Kinky Curly Curling Custard and applied to hair (still somewhat dripping wet). Then I let air dry like normal. I will be trying to stretch this wash-n-go by donning a twist out/braid out and then eventually my faithful high bun/puff. Weave is coming soon. I find myself spending too much money on hair products so I'm trying to use all of my OLD products up before I buy anything else (._.) --- it's just no longer in the budget to splurge since I have to save for my car & new apartment *sigh*.

Lonely Autumn Nights

Have you ever felt like dying? Have you ever honestly wanted to die because you just couldn't deal with life anymore? Have things ever been so overwhelming you figured the only way to have SOME type of escape was to take your own life?? I hate to admit it but I have. I honestly feel like I wouldn't be missed if I died. Sometimes I think that no one would care if I didn't speak another word.. or wrote another blog.. or tweeted anything ever in life. I know that's really pathetic but it's true. I know I have people who love me.. I know that. But that still doesn't change the fact that I feel very much alone in the world. I honestly have NO one I can talk to. I thought that twitter would be useful but every time I get in one of my moods I'm accused of being an attention seeker. I just want someone to listen. I can't live with these thoughts in my head anymore. Shit literally hurts me. My only escape is writing. I just get so overwhelmed with life and I know I can be doing so much more.... and I'm not doing it. I just feel so alone.

Another Love Lost

Am i finally ready to let it all go.....? Idk. I honestly don't know. But even as I write this I can feel the sadness in my eyes. I feel the tears forming. I feel the urge to cry. I refuse. I am stronger than that. I cannot let my emotions run my life. I have to be an adult and suck it up. Whatever we had was not meant to be more. You know what, fuck it. I'm done pouring my heart out. No one is listening. No one reads this shit. It's fuckin pointless. My heartache isn't amusing.. it isn't entertaining. There is no lesson to be learned from this. It's just life. Listen, no matter how hard you love someone, you can't make them LOVE you back. You cannot force someone to care about you as much as you care about them. That's the lesson I had to learn. I may be sad for now.. even a bit bitter, but I refuse to go back. Why try to force someone to be with you? Why settle for just being someone he can fuck whenever he's horny. I'm done being his little whore. He made me feel like scum. Dirty. Worthless. Some days I honestly woke up wanting to die. Wishing that I would slip into an eternal sleep just so I wouldn't have to face reality. Spent many nights drinking alone. Refused to face reality. But now I am ready to move on.

Headlines - Drake [video]

Drake ~ Headlines (Official Video) from OctobersVeryOwn on Vimeo. looks a bit Gotham City-esque. And is that the "Last Supper"?? Hmmmm.. I like Aubrey's sweater. OVOXO #TakeCare October 24th. Can't wait.