T.O.N.Y

A few months ago this song was blasting from my speakers 24/7. Solange. You go girl.


isn't her son adorable?!

i really think that i could have been in love by now if it wasn't for the other night, smh.
you better sing them words.
please google the lyrics.
listen. repeat. listen. discuss.

the bumbled bee.

It has come to my attention that I never really SAY exactly what I want to say. I always talk around it or try to re-vamp it to make it seem a tad bit more poetic.. I hate when people ask me to describe myself.. I tell them to read my blogs because I don't know what to say.. "just can't seem to find the words.."

One day, I will write a novel. About what, that's the problem. I'm going to write for Essence. Or Vibe. Seventeen. Who knows? That is my ULTIMATE goal. That is all I want to do. I think.

I somewhat want to go to law school.. but I'm a procrastinator.. by heart.
So that may not be the RIGHT path to take.

I write how I think. Rarely check for spelling or grammatical errors. Ignore the standards of English language writing. If it comes out completely juvenile and uneducated, thats how its supposed to be, i suppose. Maybe its just my way of swaying away from being pedestrian.

This is the third blog of the night.. Well morning. Some random lady left me a comment.. I like random people. Its nice to know that other people besides your friends read what you right. She said that love should not be twenty minute intervals, or something to that effect. True.

My musical taste is as random as I. I am a sucker for great vocalists & performers. Mariah & Whitney were ALWAYS a fave.. But of course music was so much better late 80s-90s era. I LOVE Prince. He=AWESOME. Even one of his more current songs.. "I just can't stop writing songs about ya.. I love you so much." If you haven't noticed, love songs TICKLE'd the fancy :) I got absorbed in this rock era music... I have no idea why. Simplicity is always better. No need for any difficult riffs & runs or a overly produced track. Just a little Queen, and I'm good. "BICYCLE".. have you heard it?? so vividly bland. LOVE it. Of course, the Beatles. AWESOME. Who can deny that. David Essex.. that one song though, Rock On. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_mzadEFuP4
lol.
Michael Jackson.. you must admit he is a musical genius. Erykah Badu. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is the BEST album. :)
Okay, so i love Beyonce. Duh. I'm still a sucker for Britney Spears. *Nsynce. BSB.. I was soo a "teeny bopper" hahaha. Rihanna is a style inspiration. Who knew a hair cut could be so.. idk. Now the chick eXTRA famous, can barely hold two notes together. Her high notes consist of singing thru her nose, lol.

So thats about all I can say for now. Still sipping Dr Pepper :)

Adios.

Stupid little girl..

Curled up underneath cold white bed linens...
By Myself. Story of my life. Lonely.
My phone vibrates. I check it. Its not him.
Again, vibration. Could it be him? No.
Fuck it. I'll text him... Will he text me back?
Who knows. He says i'm bi-polar.. Maybe.
He thinks i'm crazy. Psychotic. Strange. Weird.
Me thinks i'm crazy. Psychotic. Strange. Weird.
Trainwreck in the morning. Afternoon? BITCH.
Alas! He texts: Want me to come over?
Duh, I respond. "I'm outside". Damn thats fast.
Cuddled up with him beneath the stars. I like.
Twenty Minutes later he's gone again.
I lay alone in my bed. Depressed. Hurt.
So sad. Lonely. Why me I ask? Again?
Collapsed to the ground. I whimper. Cry. Weep.
Twenty Minutes later he texts once more.
"How do you feel?" he asks.. Can't find the words.
What do you mean? Pause. Wait. No response. Damn.
Stupid little girl. Stupid little girl.


-- I wrote this because.. Every now and then I feel like a stupid little girl. All week I've been screaming out loud.. I don't wanna be without you babe/ I don't want a broken heart.. Listening to Beyonce had me feeling like I had this ego and i was a diva.. but still i'm just a stupid little girl. NO DIVA. Ain't got a big EGO at all. So insecure. So stupid. I know I am smarter than that. Now I should be wiser. Oh well. At least it makes for good writing. No more tears. I think I cried my last tear.

Borderline Bi-Polar

Sometimes i really think that its not worth it.. To be stuck in this box. I want to be free. Ugh.

Sometimes I don't know why me and him just can't both stop being so stubborn and just BE "we"..

I never really asked for much, but I think that this is something that I should have to myself..

He said we would never be together.. but I can't let myself believe that. I have dedicated too much time and energy into this. It has to be more than meets the eye.

He said that he'd never go out with me.. because of THAT. Because I act on impulse and intense emotions.

I can't help it.. I swear.

He said that I am Bi-polar.. maybe I am. IDK..

Maybe just bi polar over him.

I can't help how i react to things. I just like how we are together. I never was comfortable in the arms of others.. Until him.

Never did I actually think that I could focus on being in a real relationship, until HIM.

I swear I'm not crazy.. I hope not..

He just has something that I like..

We're not friends.. we can't be friends. Wish we were friends.

I blame myself. typical brittney.

too strange. too weird. too.. abnormal. too much.