This Recession Is Real

The last few years of my life have been extremely hard. I went from knowing exactly what I wanted to do with my life.. to being homeless. Yes, homeless. Nowhere to live. Nowhere to go. With all of my worldly possessions in my backpack.

That no job thing is REAL. Do you know how it feels to not even be hired to work at a fast food place? Like damn. I cant flip burgers? I looked everywhere for a job. I went to the work source faithfully. I filled out numerous job applications & I never got called back for an interview. I was wondering "Is it my hair? Should I perm it? Should I get a weave? Is this why I'm not getting hired?" Surely McDonald's wouldn't mind my afro-- yet not even a fast food joint would call me back. When you have $0 in your bank account & bouncing from couch to couch-- shit gets REAL.My parents really did kick my ass out.. & only let me move back in after I begged & begged & showed I was looking for a job. But i thank my parents sooo much for kicking me out. That homeless shit aint no joke.

 I remember one night.. I just wanted to sleep in a BED. Thats it. But i literally had nowhere to go... I was walking down the road with just my phone, backpack with a few clothes & my laptop. But I had NO money & nowhere to go. So here I am, walking aimlessly down the road, tired, feet hurting, pretending like I'm working out so no one would wonder "Why is this girl walking down the street with a book bag?" I just went to this park, sat down on the bench & cried. I cried for at least an hour. I just wanted to know WHY I had to go through so much shit? Why was I so unhappy? I usually cry over the usual "Why am I so lonely? Why can't I find real love.." crap but this cry was intense. I talked to God & I asked for a little guidance, help.. ANYTHING. That's all I wanted. For God to show me a way to go..

Almost instantly, my friend called & asked me to come stay with her bc she hated being in her apt alone. She doesn't know it but, she saved me. That's why I LOVE my friends & they can get anything from me & never have to pay me back because ALL of them had my back when I had NOTHING. Yes, nothing. Of course if I had cried enough I probably could have went home to my parents but I had too much pride to go back. My friends didn't even know that I was starving but they'd invite me over & be like "hey.. we're cooking.." or invite me to sleep on their couches. It was even worse for me because I felt like an even bigger failure. Dropped out of school.. Unemployed.. and everyone who I was sooo much smarter than had houses & cars & living fabulous lives with NO college education & my smart ass had nothing. I couldn't even afford to feed myself! But I had my hustle on. I did some photography work for $80 here & there.. $50 for judging some cheer shit. No one can say I sat on my ass because I got money anyway I could & I've never been one to ask for anything. No help. I just wanted a JOB. I didnt want someone to give me money. I just wanted a job.

I've never told Jasmine, Brooke or Tonya this, but I REALLY thank them for letting me stay with them those months. Like they really didn't know how serious it was... but I was really going through a lot. And the little shit they did meant the world to me. You never know how you'll receive your blessings or who will be the one to bless you. Prayer works. Just keep praying yall.
 Have you ever been hungry? I really went days without eating. I was so hungry I'd cry. But I was too ashamed to ask anyone for food. I would literally cry because I was so hungry. Looking in my wallet hoping that those few cents have magically multiplied so that I could finally afford to get a dollar burger or a bag of chips-- Anything. I was really STARVING. But I never let anyone know that. So yea, i may not like my job. I may hate working early or getting off at midnight, but I know I refuse to be hungry again.

Plus, I'm already $20,000 in debt from Student Loans ALONE. Let's not talk about my sophomore year at Spelman when I didn't even have housing! I slept on floors. I slept on the floor of MJ.. I slept on couches in the lounge. I really had nowhere to go then too until one of my friends dad HELPED me. He paid my tuition. I didn't even ask him too but he paid my WHOLE tuition for that semester. Even paid my rent for me & his daughter. It sucks when both of your parents are working hard.. and they're trying to support you, pay your tuition while taking care of themselves. You feel like a burden to your family because they cant afford to give you money every month, but they still do. So that's the REAL reason I left Spelman. I was so stressed that I had no money for ANYTHING & I hated feeling like a charity case. I even had a nervous breakdown in the middle of class.. ran out.. and went straight to see the psychologist on campus.

 You have to decide.. is it worth it to go to the school of your dreams if your family will have to struggle? Can you be THAT selfish? My dad worked overtime EVERY single day for two years just so he could continue to send me money. EVERYDAY. I felt like I was being selfish that all these people were working so damn hard just for ME.. & I felt like my parents would get sick from working so hard when they really didnt have to. & if they died, who would i have then? So i made the decision that I would pay for school MYSELF. That's why I haven't bought a car yet. I dont go shopping... I'm determined to do everything MYSELF. I work hard for myself. So that one day my parents wont have to work so damn hard.

This #OccupyWallStreet & other protests that have been going on lately really have hit home for me. This recession is REAL. It affects all of us. Who would have thought that one day I'd have to think about where my next meal would come from? Never imagined that I could be homeless.

You have people who have worked their asses off just to go to school & get in MORE debt and they STILL can't find a job? Not even one getting minimum wage?! I will never complain about my job again. From being homeless to having my own apartment in less than a year? Yes! God is so real!

President Obama Releases Birth Certificate

Finally Donald Trump, the Tea Party & all the other fuckers in America can shut their mouths for a second by screaming out that the President of the United States is not an American citizen. He is. He was born in the U.S.A. Now can we focus on our economy? Can we? Oh ok. All of this hooplah is just to distract people from the bigger issues. They're just upset at the fact that we have a Black President. Thats the real issue. I mean, you have Donald Trump saying outlandish things with no truth behind it & its prime time news yet no one wants to take a look at how shitty our country is right now. Oh politics. Oh society. Oh, oh, oh! http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_theticket/20110427/ts_yblog_theticket/white-house-releases-obama-birth-certificate

Racism in America

SMH. Racism is still alive.. It will never die. We're all guilty of it though.

Hip Hop is NOT DEAD

Alize, Courvoisier, Cristal, Hpnotiq, Hennesy, Remy, Grey Goose, Nuvo, Moscato, Patron --- all made popular by rap music.

If a rapper drinks it, the whole world drinks it. Broke tricks in the club will sleep with men for a sip. Men will spend their last to be photographed with a bottle. We basically run shit. Too bad we can't use our influences for good. Oh wait, we did. We got everyone out to vote for Barack Obama. Yea we did that. 

HIP HOP IS NOT DEAD!

NO H8

The California stay on same sex marriages is lifted. Marriages begin again next Wednesday. Aren't you excited?! I know I am. Who says two women or two men can't be married?? Oh the bible? If you oppose same sex marriage because of the bible, i hope you follow that book verbatim. What did I say earlier? Oh yeah "religion was created to control people by instilling fear in them..". Funny that these same people pushing these scriptures, pushed the same scriptures to justify slavery.

BP Oil Spill

So.. Word on the tweet is BP has finally "capped" off the leak... Don't know why it has taken so long but yeah. So now we must clean up the gulf. I wish I had more information but the the news channels were more interested in Bristol Palin and her baby daddy (whom they never refer to as her baby daddy because she's white & a republican-- but that's another story) getting back together. Oh how I love how the media controls us! They love to say how we're so FREE and have so much more freedom than other country's when we really don't. Yes we may be able to SAY what we want (just about..) but our voices are rarely heard. Those with the most money still control everything. Their opinions sometime are polluting our minds as facts. Oh how I love America! and oh how I love being fed bullshit and propaganda daily. In a few weeks the Oil Spill with be another blip in our distant memory. Does anyone remember Haiti? Of course you don't. After a few weeks of screaming about how the world was ending because of all the earthquakes happening in different parts of the world your minds became focused on other world issues-- Like the World Cup & Lebron James signing with the Heat. Ahhh yes.

For the Homies locked up..

I'm supposed to write my homie in Jail.. But i haven't yet. smh. I'm a bad friend. I just need stamps and an envelope.. I said I was gonna write like two weeks ago. I feel bad. Damn. I'm so gangsta. I have fam locked up for murder #nshit.. Oh lawd...

But I'm gangsta myself. I wish I was so bad. Damn. Guttah.

I won't say Free SoNSo because he did the crime & I do believe that you must do the time..

But I also think that not being able to afford a GOOD lawyer is the main reason why many of my fellow black brothers & sisters are locked up for years off some stupid drug case but a fuckin murderer can get off with just 15yrs.. A rapist/child molester sometimes only gets 3-5yrs. SMH. Oh yeah, but only if they're white. Aint that some shit?

That's the only problem I have with this fucked up justice system. Its not really about if you're guilty or not.. Its about if your lawyer is smart enough to get you out of trouble or prove you're insane, or that their isn't enough EVIDENCE smh. Bitches. White America.. White America.

Progress My Ass...

"We haven't progressed much since Tupac died. 'Brenda's gotta baby but Brenda's barely gotta BRAIN'. guess progress is a slow process smh"

This was my latest tweet. It made me wonder as soon as I posted it...

How far have we REALLY come in the last 15 years? Okay so we have a Black President-- A big accomplishment but that isn't really solving any problems. We still have a wide abundance of insecure girls who feel that they must have sex with a guy for him to care about and LOVE her. There are still father's who are not taking care of their children. There are still too many women who have kids and do NOT know who the father of their babies' are.

The Maury Show may be full of fuckery but it shows EXACTLY what is wrong with our country and OUR people. Women testing 3+ men and ALL of them aren't the father?! I don't know whats more upsetting; the fact that you had sex with so many men in that small time frame that you don't know who could be the father or that you're having unprotected sex with all of these men. This is not 1980. Everyone is fully aware of HIV & AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases/infections.

Instead of testing for DNA, maury should give all of the people on his show a blood/urine test and see exactly what kind of 'situation' they are really working with. Thats all that i'm thinking about when i watch that show..

As women you must take the initiative to protect yourself if he doesn't seemed that worried about it. You can carry condoms in your purse. Hell you carry everything else in there. I even have condoms in my backpack-- you never know! Better yet, if he doesn't want to use protection Don't have sex with him-- Don't have sex with a guy you are not exclusively involved with.

Maybe I should not sound so preachy because I am no better than anyone. I have had unprotected sex before. I have had sex with a guy I am not exclusively involved with. I have been that girl JUST like you. I'm just trying to be real.

Maybe if a little girl had a father who told her she was beautiful everyday she wouldn't feel the need to hear a man say it while he's inside of her to make her feel life she is worth it. Maybe if a mother talked to her daughter openly & honestly she would know better and wouldn't fall for those stupid lines these guys tell. Maybe a father should be a better example for his son so that he can know what a real man is.. Maybe just maybe.

Borderline Bi-Polar

Sometimes i really think that its not worth it.. To be stuck in this box. I want to be free. Ugh.

Sometimes I don't know why me and him just can't both stop being so stubborn and just BE "we"..

I never really asked for much, but I think that this is something that I should have to myself..

He said we would never be together.. but I can't let myself believe that. I have dedicated too much time and energy into this. It has to be more than meets the eye.

He said that he'd never go out with me.. because of THAT. Because I act on impulse and intense emotions.

I can't help it.. I swear.

He said that I am Bi-polar.. maybe I am. IDK..

Maybe just bi polar over him.

I can't help how i react to things. I just like how we are together. I never was comfortable in the arms of others.. Until him.

Never did I actually think that I could focus on being in a real relationship, until HIM.

I swear I'm not crazy.. I hope not..

He just has something that I like..

We're not friends.. we can't be friends. Wish we were friends.

I blame myself. typical brittney.

too strange. too weird. too.. abnormal. too much.

OUR PRESIDENT, BARACK OBAMA

OBAMA!!!!!!!!!
We DID IT!!
The FIRST African American President, The FIRST Black President.. The FIRST President who resembles ME; The 44th President, Barack Hussein Obama!
Many people doubted him, including myself. We said that America was not ready for a Black President.. We said that WHITES would not elect a black president.. We even said that Black people themselves would not even vote, let alone vote for a black man to become president. Now we see that the impossible can happen. Anything is possible. When they tell us that we can be anything, we can look at them and believe that what they are telling us is true. The DREAM has officially come full circle.

Unfortunately some caucasians or non blacks are upset right about now and are threatening to move to Canada. That's sad. It's understandable.. You would want a president who is just going to continue to downward spiral of doom that the Bush administration has put us in. This is the time where our country should come together as a whole; To finally sit back and evaluate just how rascist and prejudiced we still are as a society. The reckless accusations that he is only half white therefor should not even be considered the first BLACK president is just bull because I know, we know, and you know that Caucasians would not look at him and see a White man. He is black. Remember, this is "your" own rule.. One drop of blackness, 100% blackness. His birth certificate says African American therefor He is AFRICAN AMERICAN. Also, the upset that he is supposedly a muslim?! One, he is a christian and President Obama has said this numerous times before that he is not a muslim, but worships a Christian God. Even if he was a Muslim, why would that matter? What is wrong with you idiots today who still think that we are fighting a war against Muslims? Were you asleep these last six or seven years?? I was sure that this was a war against terrorism unless George w. Bush is just as corrupt as Saddam Hussein & Osama Bin Laden. We are not killing off Muslims. Yes, I said We, We the People of the United States~ Finally I can say that and believe that I am truly apart of the U.S.A.

President Barack Obama.
November 4, 2008 is a day that shall be remembered for years and years to come. Thank God that I'm apart of History now :)

vivid blandness

ugh..

so yeah today is NOT a good day.
i feel BLAH. one of THOSE days.
last night i was a typical GIRL. haha.
how i hate to admit that no matter how much of a badass i think i am and how heartless i may seem, sometimes i just wanna be NEAR him, and not only him.. SOMEONE. lol

i need to mail off my absentee voter thingy. Obama-Biden 08.
i REFUSE to vote for Palin. i mean McCain.
The MAIN focus of the McCain camp at first was to prove how UNQUALIFIED Obama was for the job of commander in chief yet he chooses a woman who is more than UNQUALIFIED & INEXPERIENCED, the lady is a complete MESS. She does not know ANYTHING about foreign policy besides knowing that Alaska is only miles away from Russia and it's near Canada. She could not even name any supreme court cases in her interview with Couric besides Roe v. Wade. How are WE supposed to vote for someone whose dumb enough to choose Palin as his running mate?? And I'm smarter than Palin!!! She could have at least said Brown v Board of Education, Plessy v Ferguson, etc.. She is a cheap attempt to try to lure Hillary backers into believing that she is an equivalent to Mrs. Clinton. Please. Palin? Why? Can't wait for the Biden-Palin debate :)

moving along,
guys suck.