Garfield & Friends

This picture has nothing to do with anything but boy was that night fun.. Nostalgia. 2008.
So after a month and some weeks he finally decides to contact me. You know after the initial you're crazy.. this is why i'd never.. there is no more.. HE decides that he'll send a happy new year text.. Mind you it was four days late. He decides that he is going to be nicer this year. Ha. Won't be hard at all seeing as how much of a jerk he was to me in 2008. So of course he basically just opened up all those old feelings. Now, I'm not as cold as I thought I was. I can't be heartless, but damn I wish I was.

Am I just supposed to think that everything is fine between us and that nothing happened? Am I supposed to welcome you back into my life and pretend that maybe just maybe.. and things would get better? Or should I just begin anew and try to fall for you again?

I can't do it. I won't do it. So silly. I am not the one..

I don't care that you say you miss me.. You want to see me.. You won't do it this time around.

I am not that dumb. Why are you such a jerk. I know this is supposedly "outlawed" now and politically incorrect, but you are SOOO GAY!!!!! I'm done with him. Fuck him. Stupid. Silly ass.

Ten Annoyances of 2008

So, with the nearly lethal combination of home cooked meals, free alcohol & no sleep til christmas; I had alot of time to come up with a small list of things that somewhat annoyed me throughout the year..
Now, its not ALL things that annoyed me, just some.. not even the TOP because that would be a tad bit too personal, and i'd hurt many many feelings..
so here is a snippet of the things that annoyed me in 2008.

1. The emergence of stupid meaningless follow-the-leader-do-as-i-say dance songs after the near fatal Crank That era. WTF?! Dudes don't even DANCE with girls anymore, why?! Because everyone is too busy My Dougie'n, Halle Berry'n, Stanky leg'n, rack daddy'n, ricky bobby'n etc.. Its STUPID. You know what, i'm gonna record a stupid dance song.. talk about gettin free drinks at the club cuz i look good and how i dont work cuz i dont have to and my daddy gives me money and oh me and my girls are sooo fly and yeahh.. have a stupid dance to go along with it, the Beezy Bee.. stinging bitches and whatnot. Bet i'll be playin all night long at your local club or house party..

2. Getting numerous event invitations to the SAME party!!! Why are you party promoters, i mean.. flyer passer outters making 5 or so different events for the SAME party and then sending them to the SAME ppl.. And oh no, now I have like 2 or so MESSAGES that correspond to ALL of the event invites that are pointless! And i have facebook mobile sooo i get texts at 4am about that dumb shit.. so you know what i did?! i just deleted every person from my friends list that sends out unruly amounts of event invites and messages.. You're not even really AFFILIATED with the group!! All you do is pass out flyers and annoy people to get into parties free.. Wow. Get paid, then i'll respect you. UGH. ANNOYING!

3. Guys who want all the benefits of being in a relationship BUT somehow just aren't ready to commit smh. now thats just silly! If we're not official, then you can't officially BUG the hell out of me ie STalking my cell phone, creeping through my profile.. thinkin that you can just be an annoyance and get all benefits without at least sayin that we can be "more than just friends" hahaha.

4. Guys who have girlfriends that still find the need to flirt with you.. now thats just wrong. Its soo not right that you're callin me and textin all the freakin time knowing that you have a girlfriend. Gross. LoSER. ok ok, so i must admit, seems that all the good guys are attached already any how.. smh

5. People asking me stupid questions via text, email, message, note, etc... You know thats my BIGGEST annoyance.. Don't ask stupid questions. el fin. You know the, What do you like to do for fun- describe yourself- questions of the "initial" hook up. Or the one worded texts like "sup" "hey" "yo".. that are followed by the typical "nothing chillen" response which should end the conversation but of course they want to draw out the conversation to make it longer.. If you have nothing to say, don't text me.. If you're bored.. Please just state it initially.. Like Hey i'm bored, help!!

6. People who continue to call you back to back after you have ignored there first five failed attempts at communication. Look. Chances are I'm SLEEP or not in the mood to talk.. I sleep all day.. I'll text or call back when I'm up and normal.. Don't think i'm being rude or something, I'm just tired. And then they become extra sensitive leaving vmails & texts askin why you're ignoring them.. SMH.. and my cell is usually on vibrate or silent so I don't hear that ish.. I don't even like having a phone while i'm home.. people are bug-a-boos these days. Call once, leave voicemail/text.. keep it moving.

7. Facebook or general Internet gangsters.. Why argue through a computer screen, then once you see each other.. umm silence. Its retarded. Yall are retarded. Grow up.

8. FAKENESS.

9. College guys who think they are goons or thugs. Dude, you're in college. You are soo not hood. smh

10. ME.

Hell, seems like everybody under the sun annoyed the hell out of me.. I know I annoyed myself. hehe :)


** more to come..

- Bee.

Shameful Sobriety

The last time I had a drink? I think the day after Christmas.. The last time I got drunk? Oh my.. That would have to be the night of the "shenanigans" that took place a week prior to the holiday.. Why have I chosen to be sober? I actually didn't choose to be anything. It just kind of happened. I hate making resolutions because it is so silly to me. You're bound to break them.

Never have I ever kept a resolution. SMH. Shameful. But so true. No need for a diet. No need for the quit smoking, drinking partying, etc.. No need to try to better yourself just because you feel you need to. Everything has to fall in place.

If you're not ready to change, don't. Simple as that.

Now my outlook on life has changed because just when I thought I had lost all hope, I saw a sign. BIG one at that. And i'm so not religious. Sad but true. I hated when people told me to pray about my problems because it seemed that when I was trying and actually living right, nothing went MY WAY. And my prayers went unanswered. But just when I started doing the foolish things that were frowned upon by the saved and sanctified, life couldn't get any better.

It led me to wonder why an atheist could get all these "blessings" while little old me, the believer kept falling flat on my back..
But I heard a word, and it validated so much. Wasn't there when I wanted it, but of course it came on time.

I gave up alot in December. Main thing was that whole "sex" mess. You see I was the one who felt like I could be a "boy" in my actions and have a casual purely sexual relationship and everything would be good. Of course after weeks, months, of the same nonsense I finally opened my pretty little eyes to what I was inevitably doing to myself.

I'd form relationships with a man that started off physical & would slowly but surely lead to something more mentally stimulating.. And things would be great. Then it would all come crashing down. Mainly because most guys only put up with my crazy ass for so long because of the good sex or whatnot..

I admit that it takes a certain type of person to handle a woman like me. Indecisive, confusing, a tad bit off the rocker if you will- I have problems. lol
I can't be with a person who can not understand that I often speak metaphorically. And if the guy can not comprehend what I say or attempt to decipher my words and thought, it can not be anything more than just sex.

So no, I am not celibate; I just have not had a sexual relationship in quite some time.. Will I? Of course. I'm no nun. When? No time soon. Why?

because. I'm tired of guys being infatuated with me on a physical level.
Yes I know i'm beautiful. Ok, oddly enough you think I'm sexy. Of course you love talking to me because i'm just one "kick ass; bad ass; cool ass female..".

but then again, many do. Its only the facade you love, not the true Bee.

RECAPTIVATION

Happy New Year!!!

It's been awhile since i last wrote. Nothing really to say actually. I feel better this year than last, yet still a tad bit lonely.. But of course that should be expected.

I realized that he didn't love me anymore. Ha. Doubt if he ever did. Not that I loved him. But still, stinger. Some reason Beyonce YES is playing over and over. He expected so much yet gave little or nothing besides a few moments of pleasure. It has to be more to get my heart. Can't believe he thought that everything would be just peachy after he blatantly ignored me for months then all of a sudden when I was back in state, found the need to reach out to me.

Or there was the one who I did love, who told me that if i stayed here, we'd be together. I came here.. and stayed. Nothing prospered. I wasn't upset, just shocked. Then relieved because I was at the point in my life where I was soo close to staying just for him.

You act so progressive and FEMINIST in your thinking, yet you would be domesticated & belittled in a minute just for the admiration and acceptance of a man.
You'd forget all that you learned and protested for just for the potential of having that princess diamond cut 2.5 carat on your left hand.
All that for a man.

I think not. I rather be ringless. I rather be alone. Myself and my sanity is more important than any man. I finally can say that I am happy with it.