I Found Myself

My inbox is my source of entertainment. You have NO idea what kind of fuckery I deal with on a daily basis. The other day I wrote a facebook status that read: At 22 I hope that I'm with someone who truly cares for me. If I'm not, I'll be alright. I'll accept the time I know God has for me. This gave the much needed ammunition to certain someone to send me a text saying "Oh so I'm not good enough for you? I see your status talkin bout you wanna be with someone at 22 but when I tried to get with you you said no.." 


I'm like Well Damn, I can't have a status without it hurting your feelings. That shit is so irksome. Yes, it is true. I often write about me not being able to find a guy who actually like me or wants to be in a relationship with me but I neglect to talk about the few guys who actually approach me and get turned down. Maybe I set my standards to high? Maybe I'm really not 100% ready to be in a relationship. Maybe I'm just scared to be in a relationship with ANYONE right now. Maybe I'm scared of being hurt. 


Who knows. I just know that after a night with him and the horrible experience that I had, I chose to just distance myself from him. You know, shit like this ALWAYS happens. A guy tells me he likes me. I say "aww how sweet". Then he pursues me, & I come up with every reason why he shouldn't like me, how i'm too much to handle. how he'd be much better off with another woman. Then I push him away. Find some small flaw & make a big ass deal about it. Then I come to my blog, twitter or facebook & complain about not being able to find a guy who likes me for me.


It's no one's fault but my own. I'm way worse than most guys. I know I want someone whose all genuine but most of the time I quit talking to a guy because I find out he has a little penis. Just like a guy dumping a chick because she's wack at sex. Is SEX that big of a deal in a relationship? It really isn't. I can put up with wack sex. I can put up with a smaller peen. If its love, I'll feel the connection between us.. but if when we make love I feel NOTHING I can't say anything about that. 


I found myself. That song just speaks to me. Listen to it. By Ciara.

I truly believe that I found myself. I know what I want now. I'm just making things happen on my own.