Thursday, March 8, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
(wo)Man In The Mirror
I would like to blame all of this on Florence but I know better. It’s all me. Why can’t I just accept responsibilities for my actions?! smh. Of course I have to blame every little thing on a man who has somehow done ME wrong and I had absolutely nothing to do with it.
I don’t recognize the person in the mirror anymore. What happened to me? Whatever happened to Bee?! Whatever happened to Brittney?! I miss me terribly. I just want to be HER again. Idk how I let her slip away so easily.. but I did. How can you not even recognize your own reflection?
I used to be so cute to me… Now I’m critiquing everything I see. I hate my body. I hate my hair. I hate everything. blah blah blah.
I don’t recognize the person in the mirror anymore. What happened to me? Whatever happened to Bee?! Whatever happened to Brittney?! I miss me terribly. I just want to be HER again. Idk how I let her slip away so easily.. but I did. How can you not even recognize your own reflection?
I used to be so cute to me… Now I’m critiquing everything I see. I hate my body. I hate my hair. I hate everything. blah blah blah.
End of an Era
February 25, 2012 marks the end of the saga known as Anthony & Brittney. I don’t know why I let it go on as long as I did. This has been like 5 years of my life. Consuming all of me. For the last year he was all I ever thought about. He was all I ever wanted. I thought he was going to be the ONE for me. I was thinking marriage. Silly Brittney.
I do not want to be alone. I refuse to be alone. He was just this clutch I had. Something to lean on when things got bad. So I wouldn’t feel like I was alone knowing that I was. Just a safety net. I hate this shit.
It’s like how much must someone show you that they don’t want you for you to finally believe it? How many times do they have to tell you that they just want to be friends for you to believe it?
I believe it now. And it hurts so bad. But this is the best thing for me. ME. I just wanted to have something so bad.
What do I do now? How do I start over & somehow forget all about him? Pretending that things were better. When they weren’t worth shit.
Is your heart still mine?
I do not want to be alone. I refuse to be alone. He was just this clutch I had. Something to lean on when things got bad. So I wouldn’t feel like I was alone knowing that I was. Just a safety net. I hate this shit.
It’s like how much must someone show you that they don’t want you for you to finally believe it? How many times do they have to tell you that they just want to be friends for you to believe it?
I believe it now. And it hurts so bad. But this is the best thing for me. ME. I just wanted to have something so bad.
What do I do now? How do I start over & somehow forget all about him? Pretending that things were better. When they weren’t worth shit.
Is your heart still mine?
Decisions
I have to make an adult decision about my love life. I have given myself plenty of opportunities to do shit like this but I always make the wrong decision. Nope. No more! I can’t afford it. I don’t want to let go though…
I do this a lot. I play in to the façade of everything being “great”. I am in love with him. He is in love with me. We are a loving couple. Blah..
I always fuck shit up myself. I hate that about me. I do the wrong thing. I say the wrong thing. I am the wrong thing. I am NOT a safe choice at all. I am so messy. I am literally a mess. I hate it. But it is life. I just want to be happy. One day man.
I do this a lot. I play in to the façade of everything being “great”. I am in love with him. He is in love with me. We are a loving couple. Blah..
I always fuck shit up myself. I hate that about me. I do the wrong thing. I say the wrong thing. I am the wrong thing. I am NOT a safe choice at all. I am so messy. I am literally a mess. I hate it. But it is life. I just want to be happy. One day man.
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