Baby Mamas & No Drama?

Am I ready to be a stepmother? Am I ready to love another woman's child wholeheartedly because I love the father? Can I be a positive role model in this child's life? Am I mature enough to understand that his children come first?? 

These are questions I often ask myself... Whether I like it or not, the man of my dreams may have children with another woman. It takes a lot to actually be apart of a man's life with kids. You're suddenly thrown in the role of parent and some just aren't ready for that. I question my own maturity at times. Will I truly love this child as my own and not be catty as some women are and use this child as a way to get closer to the father for my own selfish reasons? Will I be a bitch towards the mother? Will I be jealous of the child when he receives the attention from his father instead of me?? 

I guess it's easy for me to see all aspects of this situation.. Dealings with baby mamas and children from previous relationships because I am somewhat a product of that environment. I have wonderful women in my life who are not my biological mothers but I loved them as mother figures growing up. Eventually all adults began to get along with one another. Great family unit. No animosity or drama. And I even gained a great extended family that I still communicate with today. 

I feel like I am almost ready to be a stepmother. Almost because I'm not 100% sure I can be a wife just yet, but I will rock as a girlfriend. And I don't want the biological mother of my potential step kids to feel as if I'm trying to be their mother. Because I am not a parent. I am just who this particular father chooses to be with... Now. Things may change.  I have a pure heart with everything.. And pure intentions. I just want to be with the man that I love. And if he already has kids I hope to grow to love them as much as or more than I love their father simply because I love HIM. 

Of course I have my own issues. I may become jealous because he has children with women whom I assume he didn't really love yet he loves me and we have yet to create life together. But I am a 24 year old woman who is seeing her classmates and friends all get married and start families and this has convinced my biological clock to tick erratically and yea...  But that is for another post. I think I may be ready... I will never know until I try though. The things we do for love. 

Lusty Life Volume 1

I finally upgraded and got some overpriced phone, the iPhone 5, and joined the ranks of others who have joined this apple crap. Oh well. Since I have a better phone, I can blog more. But mobile blogging sucks. Any who, lets get into what's going on in my life.....

I was in a relationship at the end of last year and half of January. Didn't last long enough for me to blog about. So I'm back single. I actually enjoy it more. Being a single 24 year old is much better than  I had originally thought. I love my free time. I love being able to reflect... I love it.

Anthony... We are still ok. After all was said and done, we met up somewhere in the middle of our lives and have acquired a mutual love and respect for one another. I love him. That's apparent. He loves me as well. But are we in love with each other? Nah I highly doubt it. We still remain great friends and I'm happy that we can work on a platonic relationship together. If that turns to something else, great but for now I'm happy where we stand. With Anthony, I had to let go and see what had become of us. So many of our issues came from lack of trust & communication. So much we never discussed. I also feel as if we are the way we are towards each other because of past relationships.
At the end of the day, I have him in my life and I'm happy with that. I talk to other guys and he probably talks to other women but I'm ok with it. We aren't together. And even though at times he gives me girlfriend privileged authority, I can't run off every female who appears to get too close. All about growing....

Speaking of growing, working on my personal relationship with God. Trying to grow spiritually. Meditating. Trying to work through my issues. Constant battles with the voices inside my head and the demons that seem to dwell within me. I am especially at war with this lusty demon. Matters of the flesh as a downfall always seem to pop up in my birth charts when trying to discover who I am astrologically. But I am a smart woman who is constantly working. Be blessed. Read on.


Love,
 Bee

Baddie Bey

While I was on hiatus, soooo much shit happened. BEYONCE took over 2013 and it's still Black History Month. From singing the National Anthem at the 44th President's Inauguration, to slaying the Super Bowl Half-Time show AND snatching the wigs & edges off of EVERY naysayer with the superb HBO documentary Beyonce: Life Is But A Dream--- Yes. It is #BeySeason, and you will deal. Late last year Bey even joined Instagram as BaddieBey and aint a truer name in the world for my girl. 

This woman is perfection! How can you NOT like her? Why don't you love her? Tell me baby, why don't you love her?! When she makes herself SO DAMN EASY TO LOVE?!?!

From Blue Ivy to Jay to Miss Tina to Solo & Julez & even Julius... the #BeyHive lives. 

She even announced her latest tour "The Mrs. Carter World Tour" & unfortunately I was unable to get tickets. But I am confident that I will be able to get tickets eventually. When there's a will, there's a WAY! 

"Thank God for my Computer. Sometimes when there’s no one to talk to, I talk out loud. So I can get all of my thoughts out and try to figure out the issues that I’m having and I’m tryna’ find the answers. The best thing is looking back, and realizing how incredible life is. If you don’t take the time to think about and analyze your life. You’ll never realize all of the dots that are connected."

Bey said this in her documentary. And I FELT it. I do this all the time. Sooo many videos on my laptop of me just.. TALKING! Ahhh... I must make another video. I must post them. I must get back to writing. 

Everything happens for a reason. Just when I was thinking about giving up, I saw that I indeed had the power to push forward. God is SO real! And with him, I shall be enrolled in school in about 6months. That's when I qualify for financial aid again. *twerks* ALSO, a new job is in my horizon. Also, a MOVE is in my future. Must get away. I am far too amazing to be living so dormant. 

2013

It's been FOUR months since my last post and...

That's wayyyy too long! I'm trying my best to blog more frequently.

I'm so lost right now. I am searching for love in all the wrong places. Keep falling into the same traps. Letting certain someone come and go as he pleases. It's just... A lot going on right now. I just want love. That's what we all want. I must be strong. Pray for strength. I know better. I know better! I.Know.Better.

Like, now because of lurking I've found out that my boo is still very much in a relationship with his ex. And he's been driving her car to come see me these last few months.

I'm not mad. Always trust your gut. ALWAYS. You may be called crazy, but your body is a wonderful instrument. Your mind is a powerful tool. If you feel like something isn't right, SOMETHING AINT RIGHT!

And as of now, I can't even blog anymore.

I'm just dumbfounded. Because as I was writing this post, I figured that shit out.