Nnenna Jas & Jigg
Brooklynn
My Bff Tanya Love
My baby sis; Shena
Smh
Nnenna
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Quen & Teri
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Jae & Teri: Bridesmaids
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My beautiful Mother; Sheila.
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Tanya
Thursday, October 24, 2013
I Rather Suffer Alone Than Settle
Never settle.
And I mean this in EVERY aspect of life-- but definitely never settle in a relationship.
I settled. For years I settled for the almost & not quite guys instead of exactly what I was looking for. I'm confident in every aspect of my being UNTIL it comes to my love life.
For as long as I can remember, I've been searching for love. I've read all the books about it; Watched all the movies; Listened to all the songs. I have worked diligently for years trying to find that LOVE that young girls dream about. I planned my wedding when I was 8. I knew I'd be married at 22 & have kids by 24. I knew all of this. At 25, I don't have any of it. I have nothing.
Why? Because I settled.
One day I woke up and felt that I wasn't good enough for what I truly wanted so I just took what was placed in front of me and ran with it. Maybe that's not 100% true but i really don't feel like going into the depts of why I am this way.
I fall hard & fast. Either I love you or I don't care about you at all. This isn't healthy. It's hard for me to just be single because I was always trying to prove to myself & everyone else that I wasn't the girl that couldn't get a man. Nothing was wrong with me! I can keep a man! So I dealt with so much shit. I put up with more than most people because I was afraid of being alone. Looking around & you see everyone you went to high school with married with children and you're just like... "What about me? What did I do wrong??"
I did everything i was supposed to do in my eyes. I guess i just stayed with the wrong guy for the wrong reasons.
I settled. Never took a break between men. It was always #OnToTheNextOne because my girl Beyonce taught me that men were definitely not Irreplaceable and I could certainly have another one in a minute.. and he was literally there in a minute. Infidelity. Lies. Hurt. Man... I been through it all.
All for Love. All for this idea that a 25 year old single woman is an anomaly. We are damaged goods. Old news. Spoiled milk. I don't have kids but my ex has two and they aren't by me!? I'm definitely not doing it right. There is just so much going wrong with my life and I felt like I was going to drown in my own sorrows. My tears became invisible but I still wept for the children I never had.
Is this what my life has become? All of my friends are having babies now. And I've never felt more alone.
It's a very weird feeling. I'm happy for them.. but I felt horrible. I felt sorry for myself. I wasn't able to enjoy the Love that was growing inside of them for my own selfish reasons and I hated myself for it. Why can't I be in love? Why can't I be a mother? Why can't I start a family? I was a mess.
One day I decided to leave my pity party. I realized that 25 wasn't the end but merely the beginning. Everyone doesn't have to have kids so early in their 20s. Everyone doesn't have to be with a guy just because they've been together a long time and starting over at this age is a death sentence.
I am happy. I will fall in love with whomever God has chosen for me. I will have children if & when God says is right for me.
I wasted so many years trying to make something work with the wrong guy and putting up with nonsense because I was afraid to be alone but... being alone is nice. The silence is very much loud. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders at times but I am ok. No more settling.
I Rather Suffer Alone Than Settle
And I mean this in EVERY aspect of life-- but definitely never settle in a relationship.
I settled. For years I settled for the almost & not quite guys instead of exactly what I was looking for. I'm confident in every aspect of my being UNTIL it comes to my love life.
For as long as I can remember, I've been searching for love. I've read all the books about it; Watched all the movies; Listened to all the songs. I have worked diligently for years trying to find that LOVE that young girls dream about. I planned my wedding when I was 8. I knew I'd be married at 22 & have kids by 24. I knew all of this. At 25, I don't have any of it. I have nothing.
Why? Because I settled.
One day I woke up and felt that I wasn't good enough for what I truly wanted so I just took what was placed in front of me and ran with it. Maybe that's not 100% true but i really don't feel like going into the depts of why I am this way.
I fall hard & fast. Either I love you or I don't care about you at all. This isn't healthy. It's hard for me to just be single because I was always trying to prove to myself & everyone else that I wasn't the girl that couldn't get a man. Nothing was wrong with me! I can keep a man! So I dealt with so much shit. I put up with more than most people because I was afraid of being alone. Looking around & you see everyone you went to high school with married with children and you're just like... "What about me? What did I do wrong??"
I did everything i was supposed to do in my eyes. I guess i just stayed with the wrong guy for the wrong reasons.
I settled. Never took a break between men. It was always #OnToTheNextOne because my girl Beyonce taught me that men were definitely not Irreplaceable and I could certainly have another one in a minute.. and he was literally there in a minute. Infidelity. Lies. Hurt. Man... I been through it all.
All for Love. All for this idea that a 25 year old single woman is an anomaly. We are damaged goods. Old news. Spoiled milk. I don't have kids but my ex has two and they aren't by me!? I'm definitely not doing it right. There is just so much going wrong with my life and I felt like I was going to drown in my own sorrows. My tears became invisible but I still wept for the children I never had.
Is this what my life has become? All of my friends are having babies now. And I've never felt more alone.
It's a very weird feeling. I'm happy for them.. but I felt horrible. I felt sorry for myself. I wasn't able to enjoy the Love that was growing inside of them for my own selfish reasons and I hated myself for it. Why can't I be in love? Why can't I be a mother? Why can't I start a family? I was a mess.
One day I decided to leave my pity party. I realized that 25 wasn't the end but merely the beginning. Everyone doesn't have to have kids so early in their 20s. Everyone doesn't have to be with a guy just because they've been together a long time and starting over at this age is a death sentence.
I am happy. I will fall in love with whomever God has chosen for me. I will have children if & when God says is right for me.
I wasted so many years trying to make something work with the wrong guy and putting up with nonsense because I was afraid to be alone but... being alone is nice. The silence is very much loud. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders at times but I am ok. No more settling.
I Rather Suffer Alone Than Settle
Monday, August 5, 2013
New Orangey & Purple: We Can't Stop Twerking
New Orangey & Purple featuring Biley Myrus
I hate when beige folk get ahold of something our community has been doing for years. They always ruin it. Ying Yang Twins made that "Whistle While You Twerk" song like 10 years ago i believe. And actually before it was called twerking it was just booty shaking. Been dancing like that all my life.
I hate when beige folk get ahold of something our community has been doing for years. They always ruin it. Ying Yang Twins made that "Whistle While You Twerk" song like 10 years ago i believe. And actually before it was called twerking it was just booty shaking. Been dancing like that all my life.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
5am In Huntsville
I don't need anyone.
No man. No friends. No family.
When you go through something and realize that literally NO ONE has your back but yourself, you realize that you don't need them. Why are they around? You add no value to my life. Clearly I don't need you.
So much on my mind. I'm just over these lying ass niggas. I'm over these niggas who owe me money & refuse to pay me back. I'm over it.
I just pray to god I find a way to make it.
I already got it. I don't need you new niggas. At all.
I'm turning 25 this year. I'm excited now. Finally old enough to be honest with myself and move on. I'm happy. I just want to be able to do everything I want to do. I'm working on that. Bee is able.
Speaking things into existence:
I will be successful this year.
I will buy a car on my own within 6weeks.
I will live in my first home alone within 3months.
I will be happy.
I will lose the weight.
I will not depend on anyone financially.
I will get my ring.
I will have my daughter.
I will love.
I will live.
No man. No friends. No family.
When you go through something and realize that literally NO ONE has your back but yourself, you realize that you don't need them. Why are they around? You add no value to my life. Clearly I don't need you.
So much on my mind. I'm just over these lying ass niggas. I'm over these niggas who owe me money & refuse to pay me back. I'm over it.
I just pray to god I find a way to make it.
I already got it. I don't need you new niggas. At all.
I'm turning 25 this year. I'm excited now. Finally old enough to be honest with myself and move on. I'm happy. I just want to be able to do everything I want to do. I'm working on that. Bee is able.
Speaking things into existence:
I will be successful this year.
I will buy a car on my own within 6weeks.
I will live in my first home alone within 3months.
I will be happy.
I will lose the weight.
I will not depend on anyone financially.
I will get my ring.
I will have my daughter.
I will love.
I will live.
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