Hair Update for May

This is the LAST time my hair was natural. I was 13. Thats what? 8 years ago??... Took me two years to grow out my relaxer. Of course I got my hair pressed then. This is also the longest my hair has EVER been. Let's hope that at the end of th year I'll be able to swing my hair around like this :) 

My freaking hair is ALWAYS caught up in a shot.. gotta love my poofy fro :)

and this my friends was my failed attempt to straighten my hair.. smh. you see how long my bang is?? ahhh!! its grown soo much since February! no longer bang length. I touches my lips =] And the back? Yes it touches my shoulders/back. Ahh!! Yes my hair has already passed up some of these chicks who have been trying to get their hair to grow for YEARS in a matter of months. Yes, I said it: MONTHS! The verdict? Natural Hair is nice but Healthy Hair is the reason for my hair growth. My hair is actually longer than it was before I decided to go natural! Go Bee!!

You can tie my hands behind my back & lick your initials in my neck

Me Myself & I

new alternate video.. perfect because this song popped in my head earlier.. "me myself & I is all i got in the end is what i found out. & there aint no need to cry. I took a vow & from now on Ima be my own best friend"

When I Die

When I die I won't mind if alot of people who I never talked to say RIP or share their condolences with my family & loved ones.. I won't call you fake. Even if you hated me while I was alive, and you decide to show love after I'm dead & gone-- I won't be pissed off. You can even make jokes about me. I won't mind. Why? At least I'm making you laugh. Just one request: Don't forget about me. :)

Please Don't Read...

I forget that people I know read this thing. Its a blessing AND a curse. I like that my friends/associates love to get inside my head and know what I'm going through.. but I hate that some of my private thoughts are no longer private. Its very easy to see who I'm talking about.. I don't try to hide it but I think I will from now on. Everyone knows who my hunbun is. Everyone knows who I'm obsessed with. Everyone knows about that damn Jamaican. Everyone knows about the dude who broke my heart wayyy back then. Everyone knows who the guy is that I dated freshman year whose still in love with me and wants me to be his wife..

What i'm trying to say is.. MY LIFE IS AN OPEN BOOK! I literally have no secrets. I mean I do, but not many. If you read my blog and read my timeline/tweets then you know exactly who I'm talking about.

Pretty sad. But maybe that's a good thing. I'm not a mystery. You know about me. You know how I think. You love me, you really love me :)

Forever I love Atlanta (well some ppl who are there)

The plan. Sometime in June I will be in ATL. I need to figure out what you guys are doing or who I can stay with :)

So.... All of my ATLien friends, PLEASE hit me up & we can plan something for a weekend. lol :)

Esthero

Thank you Miss @LoveBenn for introducing me to this wonderfulness.. http://lovebennhere.tumblr.com/ She also sings. You should check her out. :)

Damn Fiddy

Other Side Of The Game

Now me and baby got this situation... You see the brother's got this complex occupation. And it ain't like he don't have education cause I right there at his graduation. Now I ain't saying that this life don't work but its me and baby that he hurts. Because I tell him right he thinks I'm wrong but I love him strong..

3 The Hard Way

If Kimora, Tyra & Beyonce were a group of chicks I knew from around the way I'd be pissed. You can't help but to hate. I still love this pic. Don't ask me why =/ 

Let It Go...

This is how i feel.. *sigh*

  

I don't like to sleep because I see life is passing me by.. Since I can't live forever I can at least stay awake 20hrs out the day :)

Silenthate. Lovescreams.: The Story of Jimmy Rebel

Silenthate. Lovescreams.: The Story of Jimmy Rebel

I love this kid. He has pretty much said all that I wanted to say about this very subject. I wish I would have said it first but since he beat me to it, take a gander. I've always said that "Yes, The Boondocks is 'funny', you get a good laugh but are you really understanding what is trying to be said?" Nobody ever listens to me. Maybe you will listen to him? Maybe.. Enjoy.

i was born a few decades too late

Twitter Blues

I feel used by celebrities on twitter. They only interact with us fans when they have something to promote. An album coming out or a tour that has to sell out. After the album has dropped and most of the shows are sold out us fans get the cold shoulder. An occasional tweet here & there. Sometimes a tweet to a fan that makes their whole life. Or maybe a follow to a regular chick like myself instead of the groupie love given to those who gain their status by fucking up the ladder of rappers and men with power.

I could have my Stan moment. But I won't. =\

Oh shit. I just had an epiphany. The term 'stan' comes from the Eminem song "Stan" about the crazy fan who ends up killing himself because Em doesn't reply back to his fan mail. *sigh*

I remember last year-- last SUMMER, Trey Songz & Pleasure P would solely speak to the fans. They'd tweet us back, they'd ustream.. Trey eve answered calls from fans! Not now. Pleasure P responded to me ONCE. Michael Yo (Dude from E! News & Chelsea Lately) tweeted me back three times.. Amanda Diva responded once to me.. Erykah Badu responded numerous times. She even followed me. I was ecstatic. She even RT'd me. I made her LOL :)

NOw?? None of these celebs respond back.. Or hardly. smh. I feel used. At least Drake keeps it soooo extra gnarly. Tweets once a week. Says some shit that makes you say: Damn, thats real. & RT & favorite the fuck outta that shit!

I know, they have lives. They have jobs. Its just twitter.. but still man, I feel like the love is lost when the project has dropped. Thats why I unfollowed majority of the celebs. I only follow 6.. El Fin.

crybaby

As I sat in the tub with the faucet on full blast I began to think. As the water began to rise higher and higher the pain came. The sadness crept over me suddenly and I was paralyzed sitting there in the water. I grabbed my legs and buried my face into my knees and let out three long hard sighs that could have easily became tears but I didn't let go. I brought those tears to the very edge of my ducts and quickly pushed them back down before they took over me.

I have never felt so alone in my life. No one is here because no one is supposed to be here. I am the epitome of lonely single girl. I am that girl but I'm not a girl anymore. I'm a twenty one year old woman who is alone. No guy loves me enough to rescue me from this dark place I'm in. I've forgotten how it feels to be touched with love.. To be held with love. To be loved with love. To speak with love. To hear with love. To breathe with love. To be love. I don't know how to be love though.

If I think about it, love has always been a subject I didn't master. I haven't really passed it either. Boys? Yes I mastered that.. I can make any guy fall for me physically. I can attract any guy to be into me- by personality alone. I can even make a guy like the entire package deal of Bee-- just not for longer than a few months. After that, they realize that I'm not what they want.. I'm not what they need. I'm just BEE. The quirky girl who  will make an awesome friend. Great fuck buddy. Okay girlfriend.. if only for a little while.

I'm like a drug. Too much will kill you... You just take me in doses. *sigh*

Will I ever meet the one for me? Lately every guy I meet is really after that ONE thing. Or they pretend to want more to get closer to the one thing. Or they genuinely like me but I'm not physically attracted to them at all.

Oh what a life we live. Will I ever make it??

Bomb

My bitch. Bomb ass pic. Dirty ass pool. I'm buying a Nikon soon.

DevaCurl

Before I had my LAST relaxer 19 months ago, my hair was severely broken off. This is what happened to my hair after taking care of it for a year by myself at Spelman. Yeah I was baldheaded. My  hair was freakin chin length. lol.. it barely tapped my neck in the back *sigh*

And after 19 months, look at how much growth I have! My hair actually touches my shoulders when I stretch it :) I'm trying to stay away from heat so you probably won't see my true length for a few more months.
I'm enjoying this growth.. Imagine how long it would be if I actually invested more money & time into it instead of just going with the flow. Oh! DevaCurl is worth the money. My curls are soooooo nice and my hair has less breakage and its actually not as dry!

Now why would I want to get a relaxer again?? Hmmmmm.... I got 99 problems but a perm ain't one!

My 600th Post

Isn't this just AWESOME?! 600 posts.. Go Bee Go! & isn't this shirt cute? i'm gonna buy it!!!!

80s Swimsuit.

I've had this swimsuit in my dresser for years.. Vintage. Never worn. Just something we had around for 'costumes'. I've worn it for pictures once. Never used it. I can't find my bikini bottoms so I decided that this ugly swimsuit had to do. I mean its ill-fitting and not flattering for my body type but I had fun rocking it. People stared. My ass was hanging out. I looked like a huge whale. The sides were super high on my thighs. I felt like Olivia Newton John. Did you enjoy these pics? I promise to blog about something other than me and my pool antics soon.. The blog is too much about me and not about real shit.

Linda Costa

is AWESOME! I love her style. Thank you sir for recommending her.. She is the truth. I love lights.. I love darkness. lovely. She should shoot me :)

Read about her here..

No No NO...

NO NO NO NO!!!!! You know what... I refuse to make any more sexy videos with my boo because these two look silly. Why is he looking at the camera like that? Smackin her ass like that? Biting his lips like that? He is wack.. She is wack! Girl take them long ass shenehneh braids out and shave! smh.. I didn't know if she was a man or a woman. Ooh chile. She was ready for him. And he was ready to give it to her. I wanna see part two. lmao.

-- Also, what with all the chaos in the background?? Why they got that big ass mac on that low ass little ass stand? Is that a tv on the ground too?

I Never Get The Guy

May 19. 2008 I asked a question. lmao I never did get that guy either

12345

isn't this pretty freakin awesome? I want Kesh to photograph me... that's my new goal. 

oh yeah... Goodmorning. 

isn't she pretty. I stalk her blog.. I used to stalk her myspace. I used to stalk her twitter.. I occasionally stalk her tumblr. Go Kesh

Damaged..

Exactly What I'm Saying..

I think white people forget they were the original "immigrants".. They asses left England because they didn't want to pay taxes. Oh you think we forgot?! Yeah.. My great grandmother is Cherokee-- So Ima need for you guys to pack up and go back where you came from before you try to kick out a hardworking Mexican. 

Helga.. you're just like me :)

I want..

thick hair. like this. i'd wear it fro'd out all the time. big thick curls. on my head. I love it.

I Forgot You Beat RiRi Ass

oooh chile. I still love me some Breezy. I still support him. The mixtape is the shit. Fan of a Fan with Tyga. Hmmmm.. Damnit. I'm leaving the chocolates alone. I just like the caramel dudes. *sigh*

Texas

I love you. You are my home state. You've bred me... but all of this other shit has to stop. Don't change the name of the Atlantic Slave Trade. Don't try to downplay the effects of slavery on the country in your history books. Even if you do, I will do my best to teach ALL children the truth. You can't change history. This really makes me want to be a teacher.. My kids will know the truth and so should yours. And they will know that President Barack Obama is the FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT!!! Cmon Texas. We HAVE to do better. First Arizona, now us?? smh Fuckery indeed.

Video Phone

I was bored. I got on blogtv.. I pressed record then pressed play. Whatever song that came on I performed.. LIVE! Sad. I have no life. Enjoy.

Rockstar 101

My Sunshine

Even if we only talk for a few minutes... I still enjoy it. Literally brightens my whole day/night. He can just text me "Hey" and I'll smile. DM me & I'll smile. Tweet me and I will SMILE. He is my sunshine. Only guy that makes me happy these days. Oh how I wish I could love him. *sigh*

I hear dead people... or so I think. For years I've heard the voices of people around me but nobody is ever there. Weird shit ALWAYS happens to me but no one ever believes me. Everyone says I'm either making it up or i'm just crazy and i'm not! I DO hear people talking! Its usually like blips or pieces of conversations or words. Never a whole sentence or statement. Sometimes its just one word. The spirits laugh.. Sometimes they whisper in my ear. The last thing I heard was the word "happy". I'm always fighting off my ability to communicate with things that we cannot see... I don't know if they're dead people. I don't know why they like to communicate with me.

Poolside Tales

It's hot in Texas. What do we do when the heat is up and there's an abundance of free time? Go to the pool. EVERYDAMNDAY. Nothing else to do. Might as well have fun..  How are you conquering the Heat this summer??

Like a moth to a flame burned by the fire.. my love is blind can't you see my desire?

Back In The Day

Before Beyonce was a "somebody" she was just this chick in a girl group from Houston. Lil O featuring Destiny's Child. Lmao. You know this was old.. Kelly had hair! 1997 I believe.

Thank Me Later

I can't wait until June 15th. I'm actually buying the CD. No illegal downloading for me AND I'll twitpic it :) But Drizzy poo next time let's do a Bee's interlude mmkay??

1. Fireworks (Feat. Alicia Keys) (Produced by Noah “40″ Shebib)
2. Karaoke (Produced by Francis & The Lights)
3. The Resistance (Produced by Noah “40″ Shebib)
4. Over (Produced by Boi-1da)
5. Show Me A Good Time (Produced by Kanye West)
6. Up All Night (Feat. Nicki Minaj) (Produced by Boi-1da)
7. Fancy (Feat. TI and Swizz Beatz) (Produced by Swizz Beatz)
8. Shut It Down (Feat. The Dream) (Produced by Noah “40″ Shebib and Omen)
9. Unforgettable (Feat. Young Jeezy) (Produced by Noah “40″ Shebib and Boi-1da)
10. Light Up (Feat. Jay-Z) (Produced by Noah “40″ Shebib and Tone Mason)
11. Miss Me (Feat. Lil Wayne) (Produced by Boi-1da and Noah “40″ Shebib)
12. Cece’s Interlude (Produced by Noah “40″ Shebib)
13. Find Your Love (Produced by Kanye West)
14. Thank Me Now (Produced by Timbaland)

Clumsy

I'm the clumsiest person I know. I normally don't really hurt myself when I fall down, trip, stumble, bang my knee up or hit my head but I do get many superficial wounds.. Scratches, bruises.. OOH and the ripped articles of clothing. Its usually on my ass. Yes, I'm always ripping the ass of my jeans, shorts, skirts, leggings. You name it & its ripped on my ass =/

Ride...

I've Been Thinking

I had a dream last night and it involves someones mother who passed years ago. Everyone knew that she was dead but they kept talking to her.. They were all happy to see her. The only thing is the people who were most touched by her- her family- were nowhere in my dream. It was my family members. Hmmmm... Strange.

But anywho, I have been thinking - quite a bit lately about a certain turn of events.  I'm almost happy that things ended up this way. I hate when people question my integrity. I don't lie. If you're going to accuse me of WRITING something about you or someone else, please screen cap it. Save that shit. Don't try to tell me what I've supposedly written on here but when I go back through all of my posts from now until October I see NOTHING. Oh but of course niggas these days don't like to read. A simple accusation is all you need. No proof. No evidence. Just say some outlandish shit and people will believe you. Oh what a world we live in.

I have enjoyed my time away from certain people and I do not miss them one bit. Grinding it out as only Bee can. Being me as always. Not holding my tongue for anyone. But whatever. That's over & done. I'm so tempted to finish the line "...but the heartache lives on inside" but there is no heartache over this way.

Today marks five years since my granny died. Damn, doesn't even seem that long.. I've been out of High School three years now. Yup, it is time to grow up. No more money from Daddy (I pray.) I'm cutting myself off by my 22nd birthday.

New Halo video. Alternate version. =]

I'm so pissed I didn't get to see you tonight.. You were literally right down the road. Just know that I was there in spirit. One day I will get to see you in person. I will fly out to see you. Hell I don't care. I BETTER find your loving & I better find your heart.

Me & My Future Husband, Mr. Aubrey Drake Graham

Doing what we do best ;) Holla at me before you hit the stage tonight Drizzy boo, aiight? Aiight. 

Oh Helga. I feel you. WHY did the cancel Hey Arnold!?

Love/War.

The theme for today must be love. I've been thinking about it for quite a bit this morning & all last night. I even researched love spells via google. Yes, that serious. No worries, I shall make him fall in love with me. It's easier for me to say those three little words after he has said them to me. The last time I told a guy "I love you" first-- ALL BAD. I've never been so humiliated or hurt in my life. Ugh. Fuck it. Never again. He must fall harder & fall first. Tis all..

I'm At That Point Though...

It really is a love & war thing with me.. Just like Helga. I shall confess though. One day. Just like this.

Yup, that's Me!

How I Feel..

"Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What’s so great about Caesar, hmm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Okay, Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And since when was it okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that’s not what Rome is about! WE SHOULD JUST TOTALLY STAB CAESAR."

Gretchen Weiners had cracked.