Hair Update

I'm tired of using heat so I'm going back to basics. My hair was feeling a lil ew & my scalp needed to be cleaned but i didnt want to use shampoo =/ so I decided to do a scalp cleanse using one tablespoon of baking soda & one cup of hot water mixed together. It dissolved the baking soda completely & was just enough to work into my WHOLE head (my hair is pretty thin). I scrubbed my scalp down & rinsed in the shower. I followed that with a co-wash using Olive Oil Conditioner (laying around my mother's bathroom). I've learned that its easiest to
untangle my hair while in the shower under the running water using a wide tooth comb. I did that & my hair looked soooo freaking nice  & tangle free. Then I used Paul Mitchell Skinny Serum and coated my hair thoroughly. This adds a lil gloss/sheen without being greasy. It also cuts down the drying time by ALOT. My hair was completely dry in less than 2hrs (usually takes longer when I air dry & my hair is thin). After that I used my mango butter with olive oil and twirled around my coils. I think this is a pretty decent wash n go style.

Remembering Selena

Fifteen years ago today, Selena was murdered in Corpus Christi, Texas by the president of her fan club, Yolanda Saldivar. Being from Texas, I grew up around Tejano music so I knew Selena & I LOVED her music. I know the movie Selena by heart. I even understand the majority of her songs. for Si Una Vez to Bidi bidi bom bom.. Amor Prohibido.. Dreaming of You, I could fall in love... No me queda mas. She basically taught me Spanish :)


RIP Selena. I'm jamming your music today :)

Big debate going on within me right now.. Should I wear my natural hair in like a braid out/twist out, flat iron it or get tracks??

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Erykah Badu Interview About Window Seat

DALLASNEWS.COM: Erykah Badu spoke with Quick’s Hunter Hauk first about her new video for “Window Seat,” as the story spread Monday of her guerilla film-making tactics and her nudity. The song is from her just-released album New Amerykah Part Two: Return of the Ankh. 

Q: To start, what can you tell me about the thought process behind the video for “Window Seat”? 

EB: It was filmed Saturday (March 13) before St. Patrick’s Day. It was a pretty spontaneous thing. The song “Window Seat” is about liberating yourself from layers and layers of skin or demons that are a hindrance to your growth or freedom, or evolution. I wanted to do something that said just that, so I started to think about shedding, nudity, taking things off in a very artful way. I am from the theater, and this is just a part of expression to us, a part of art. And I saw a video by a group called Matt and Kim, and it was filmed in Times Square. And I thought it was the bravest, most liberating thing I’ve ever seen two people do. And I wanted to dedicate this contagious act of liberation and freedom to them. I hoped it would become something contagious that people would want to do in some way or another. 

Q: And what was the thinking on the location and the Kennedy element to it? 

A: Times Square is the most monumental place in New York, and when I was thinking of monumental places, the grassy knoll was the most monumental place in Dallas I could think of. I tied it in a way that compared that assassination to the character assassination one would go through after showing his or her self completely. That’s exactly the action that I wanted to display. 

Q: And I take it you knew that there would be a similar real-life reaction when the video was released? 

A: Yeah. I knew that would happen, so as soon as the thought came to my mind, I decided to assassinate myself as a gesture. Because it was going to happen anyway. The video is a prediction of what is happening now. 

Q: Tell me about the logistics of filming. Was it really nudity, or was there trickery involved? 

A: Oh no, it was straight guerilla cam. I got out of the car and I went for it. A day before, I took the same path alone to see where I was going and to see where the “x” spot was. And we only had one shot to get it right, and I decided to go at 3:30 p.m. on Saturday. I told the cameraman that I would meet him there, and when he saw me pull up, he started. We had to speed the music up because we wanted the effect to be slow-motion. 

Q: So, it all happened a lot faster than it seems, but there was still time for people to realize what was going on. Were you afraid of the immediate reactions from folks? 

A: Yes. I was petrified, period. The whole thing was frightening. The whole idea was frightening. Not being in love with my body, not being secure about being vulnerable, the police coming to take me to jail. I’m breastfeeding right now. Anything I could think of, I did. But those little things diminished as I thought about the big picture. And, as I started to walk, I confronted a lot of fears, and I hoped that it would encourage others to do the same thing in their own way. 

Q: Are you afraid of any ramifications now, since the city of Dallas has come out with a statement referring to their disapproval of “guerilla filmmaking”? 

A: No. That fear left when I fell to the ground. With the death of that part of me, a lot of those fears died as well. I had a paradigm shift, of sorts. 

Q: So, this was meaningful for you in a more important way than just making a video or stunting? 

A: Yes. 

Q: Do you have anything else to say to the folks who aren’t having a positive reaction to this? 

A: Sure, I would like to say that it was a protest to awaken a term called “groupthink.” It’s a term that was coined in 1952. It’s the recognition of a state of being for humans. It’s human nature for a person to be afraid to express his or her self in fear of being ostracized by the group or general consensus. A lot of times people are judged unfairly because of that. I think about the Salem witch trials; I think about the assassination of Christ, I think about the character assassination of artists and celebrities on blog sites. I think about all of these things as groupthink. And when I fall to the ground in the video, the word groupthink spills out of my head, because I was assassinated by groupthink. … 

When I told my mother what I wanted to do, she was not 100 percent confident that it was the right thing, but she was supportive. I shared it with my family and made sure I told them that this act is not in any way a reflection of who they all are. It’s who I am. They said I had their support. I have young children whom I was considerate of and I told them what I was doing. My 5-year-old said, “OK, Mommy, can I have some more pudding?” My 12-year-old said, “It’s all right because I can explain to everyone that my mother is a wonderful person and she’s just having fun.” After hearing that, I took myself a lot less seriously. 

Q: Did you consider the children in the plaza that day? 

A: I didn’t think about them until I saw them, and in my mind I tried to telepathically communicate my good intent to them. That’s all I could do, and I hoped they wouldn’t be traumatized. The people that got caught in the shot seemed as if they didn’t even see me. There were a couple of people, and a guy picking up clothes. It all happened so fast. Of course they saw the camera, so they knew we were shooting something. But it was a great day for me. 

Q: So, no regrets? 

A: No regrets. Move forward from here.

Honey, Bee.

"You heard bout that girl Bee? Why she think she's fine?! She's fat. Her ass ain't even THAT big"

Those words sting. Irksome. I love my body though. It's a work in progress. I've lost 20lbs so far. I work out at least three times a week. I'm always sore. I'm seeing the progress. And here are some pics just for YOU. Call me fat ALL you want. Say I don't have an ASS all you want. Whatever. The pics are here.

Its funny because I was never the one to say "oh I have a big butt" -- guys said that. Then the jealous ones who didn't get that attention attacked me. Whatever. I'm not Nicki Minaj; You have no reason to hate my cakes :)

Ricky Martin..

smh.

So Ricky Martin announced online today that he was Gay. Umm... Okay. My first thought was Bitch, I BEEN knew you were gay! That's like when Clay Aiken came out the closet. We knew it. You didn't have to say anything, but we're glad you did. Kudos to you.. lol.

Fuck Sandra Rose

Sandra Rose says that Erykah Badu did her video in front of a green screen and her booty was digitally enhanced in the Window Seat video. Umm All I can say is #SitYOURASSDOWN! Why does Sandra Rose always talk shit?? She's right up there with MediaTakeOut. a screen grab doesn't mean shit. People were indeed looking at her in the video. I don't think that Miss Badu would lie about shooting the video guerilla style, one take,.. Come on now Sandra Rose! I think you're jealous of Erykah's fatty. She has had three kids. She isn't skinny anymore. The donk is natural. you can't digitally enhance a butt to jiggle that well especially when she's touching it. & if she was gonna change her body she would've gave herself bigger boobs and a few abs as well.

This is silly. I'm not gonna say anything else but.. Who ARE YOU?! I don't even visit your website. Wackness.

Pwahtwakrarr

If I were a month, I’d be September.

If I were a day of the week, I’d be Thursday.

If I were a time of day, I’d be 3:33am.

If I were a planet, I’d be Saturn.

If I were a sea animal, I’d be an Octopus.

If I were a direction, I’d be Dirty South.

If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be an Ottoman.

If I were a liquid, I’d be a tall glass of water.

If I were a gemstone, I’d be Sapphire.

If I were a tree, I’d be a Pomegranate Tree.

If I were a tool, I’d be a Power Drill.

If I were a flower, I’d be a Bluebonnet.

If I were a kind of weather, I’d be a rainstorm on a hot summer's day.

If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a Guitar with no string's attached.

If I were a color, I’d be Purple.

If I were an emotion, I’d be Hysteria.

If I were a fruit, I’d be a Plum.

If I were a sound, I’d be Pwahtwakrarr.

If I were an element, I’d be Au- Gold.

If I were a car, I’d be Volkswagen Beetle.

If I were a food, I’d be Homemade french fries.

If I were a place, I’d be a cave in the middle of the sea beneath the Bermuda triangle.

If I were a material, I’d be 95% cotton, 5% spandex.

If I were a taste, I’d be Sweet, like honey.

If I were a scent, I’d be Heat by Beyonce.

If I were an object, I’d be a purple monkey blanket.

If I were a body part, I’d be AT&T (Ass thighs & tits).

If I were a facial expression, I’d be a Smirk.

If I were a song, I’d be Purple Rain - Prince.

If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be a black pumps with a 6 inch stiletto heel.

Window Seat

What do you think about it?? Can you focus on the message & not the fact that she's naked? SMH. Yes her body is the business but she isn't shaking her ass or dancing at all. Nudity with meaning. Can we not see the naked body & not immediately think of sex?

Fuckery

sometimes i wish that i weren't black. only when i see fuckery like this. I wish I were Asian instead. Idk. I love my black people but damn, why yall gotta be so "extra"??

lmao

@fatbellybella

Erykah Badu RT'd me. She @replied to me. She Follows me. =]

She retweeted me like 5-6 times ;)

Yes. I'm eeked up. :) EEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Window Seat

Video. Bombness. Indescribable. Watch it. You'll see what I mean. www.erykahbadu.com

** I wanna walk down the road naked now. I won't explain the video. Watch & interpret it yourself. Learn. **

Lil Freak

I'm disappointed in Usher. I won't even post the video on here because I'm THAT upset! Grrr... When I heard that Ciara was going to be in the video I just knew she was gonna be dancing her ass off! This bitch aint did shit but play pool & chill. Girll.. You're supposed to Take Usher DOWN. & then Nicki.. well no comment. Her hair was aiight. I see she's going with shorter wigs lately for the warmer weather.

Has Anyone Else Noticed...

That ever since the paternity suit has been filed Beyonce has not even MENTIONED her father's name let alone been seen with him?? Nor has Solange. In the last few interviews my girl Bey has only been praising her Mother. Hmmm..

I don't blame Bey. I'd be pretty upset if my daddy gave me a younger brother right now & cheated on my mother. *sigh*

And to think she wrote that song "Daddy" for him.

I'm pretty sure she doesn't want her "husband to be like my daddy..." now. ooops!

CAKES

I often talk about my cakes alot.. Do you guys know what I'm referring to?

If you guessed ass, you're right but not quite.

 I know you remember this?? Yup. showing off my lovely CURVES!!! 

 Cakes? why yes.. These are cakes too :)

 I know i look rough but still.. fat?? hahaha

 Fat?? Hmmmmm Definitely in a two piece :)

 You can even see my cakes when I'm kneeling down :)

cakes :)

My cakes are my hips, thighs & ass all combined together. Proud of em. Fat is in style again I guess because in NONE of these pictures was I under 150lbs. Yeah.. I was 150+ in all these pics. THATS always been my weight range. Sometimes I get in the 140lbs but that's when I wear a size 7. SKINNY on me. Think on that :)

I Heart Kesh

IDK why.. but i LOVE this. I wanna recreate this.

Positivity

I'm trying not to be such a drama queen about the little shit in life. I'm trying not to go off on people who irk me or rub me the wrong way. I only want to spread love. Spread positivity. Spread inspiration. Teach the younger ME's something before I leave this world. I'm trying to make my mark on society. Trying to be the best Bee that I can be but stupid fuckers always try to come between me & my goals. Turning the other cheek only works for so long. I normally ignore the shit but after awhile I must make my voice heard because stupid fuckers think I'm afraid of them or I'm hurt by their comments. Hell NO! Never. These lips are hard to silence. This voice will BE HEARD. I sit back. I observe. I see the little shit you say. This is not your safe haven to talk shit. This is for me to voice my opinions. Engage in conversation if you need to be heard. I can take constructive criticism. If you don't like what I write, tell me. I love that shit. I love to hear what other people think. My thoughts aren't the only thoughts in the world. You will not disrespect me or another person though. That's a no no.

I help all who ask. Guide those who need guidance. This blog is my BABY. I treat it as such. You don't fuck with Vividly Bland, my followers, my readers, & anyone who comments. =]

No, but seriously though. Why spew hatred. Spread LOVE. With so much going on in the world today, why would you put all of your focus on me?! What did I do to hurt you. Fuck, I know I've done some pretty fucked up shit in my life but I've only intentionally hurt a few people.. & they deserved to be hurt.

Now if you just don't like me because of what you've heard or how you perceive me, get over it. Blah.

Take a walk down memory lane with me. I gave you the stank eye huh?

Anywho, I just wanna say thank you for continuing to support Vividly Bland. I got hella views now. I know you find me in the weirdest places. I hope you enjoy the ride. Stick with me kid, I'm going places.

Ugly?

Look at this face? Now really.. You HONESTLY think I'm ugly? Pure beauty. If you disagree, cool. I don't see it when I look in the mirror.

I'm an artist. I have a unique face. I have unique features. My lips are pouty. My eyes far apart. My face is round. My cheeks are chubby. Shoot, I have a fleshy face. Lots of face. Check me out. Thank YOU.

Love yourself instead of trying to bring others down. "With yo UGLY self!" lmao..

Kiss My Ass

the end.

I Heart Drake

Performing at MTVs Spring Break.. =]

Drake Unscripted

We all Remember Jimmy Brooks on Degrassi. He was just Aubrey then. Now he's Drake *sigh*. It's nice to see that Drake has always been into music :) & we can all celebrate to the fact that he moved out of his mother's basement to condo downtown.. since its all about location =].

Vivid Memories

My friends are better than yours. My friends can rock out at the drop of a dime with NO rehearsal... & we know all the words to "Play That Funky Music White Boy" watch & enjoy.

Real Shit.

I've always been disliked. Why? Because I'm fabulous. I am my own biggest fan. I ooze confidence. I love myself more than ANYONE else. I am my favorite person. I can talk about myself ALL damn day. I love that formspring.me/BeeMichelle is giving voice to the little people who are still holding on to grudges stemming from High School, some even Middle School!

Yes, Brittney was always disliked. I won't even say HATED on because that's silly. They are just fascinated with what I'm doing or what I'm not doing. MY LIFE. Wow.

I remember having grown ass women dislike me because of the clothes I wore. Being made fun of because I wore big ass platform boots too school with mini skirts but THEN the whole 8th grade class going to Walmart & getting the imitations when they came out after Christmas break. I remember wearing stilettos almost everyday to school & treating the hallways as my own little runway-- turning the sidewalks outside to a makeshift catwalk just because I liked to walk in heels & I have a KILLER strut. AND because I knew that every guy wanted to fuck me & every bitch in the school knew that.

Everyone had that girl in their class that everyone just seemed to hate because she knew who she was & didn't give a damn about anyone's opinions. Never tried to please anyone. Did everything for myself. Lived my life according to my own rules. Walked to a badass instrumental in my head that no one else heard but me. I've always been different. I embraced that shit. At first I did want a lot of friends and as soon as I got them, I realized that people are fake as hell so I dropped them on there rear ends.

Did I ever think that I was BETTER than the next person? No. Never. I didn't come from money. My parents work hard for everything they have. Nothing was ever GIVEN to me. I had to work for it.

I did however choose to distance myself from MOST of the people I went to High School with. They were full of drama. Negative energy. Spewing hating from every pore in their body. I have a gift of reading people upon meeting them. Withing 5mins I know whose genuine & whose not. I know when you're trying to be slick and talk shit on the sly. I'm not dumb. THOSE are the people I stay away from. If I look down upon you, its only because spiritually you are BENEATH me.

You hate the fact that regardless of my size I have the potential to take your man. You hate the fact that I can gain and lose weight like THAT. You hate the fact that I don't give a flying hoot about what anyone thinks of me. You hate the fact that I am me.

I still remember the myspace profile you made about me NOT going to Spelman--- I WENT. I still remember the days when I was called a white girl because I actually enjoyed reading; I actually enjoyed writing; I actually made the honor roll & took AP classes; I actually spoke with SENSE & used correct grammar 90% of the time; I actually enjoyed LEARNING. I still remember everyone calling me a hoe because I had sex with this one guy... & then that one dude. Oops. They were friends? Hmmmm I didn't know that. Oh well. It is what it is. Then the rumors that they ran a train on me which is why I walk the way that I walk.. Hahahahaha!

There's so much more that people like to comment on that they know nothing about. Do you REALLY wanna know why I don't go to Spelman anymore? I don't like that damn school. There. Wonderful institution, just not for me. I only stayed as long as I did for the sake of my parents. Now I said fuck it. I don't want to do that with my life anymore. I want to do something else. Which is why my ass is in the GYM daily.  Its all apart of a bigger picture. I have goals in life. I want a career, you want a job. I want to be great. You settle for mediocrity. Fuck real shit, this is just Brittney Shit.

Complicated My Ass..

If I ever have to put "its complicated" about any relationship I'm in on here, I think I'd go back to just being "single". Either we're together or we're not. That doesn't seem too complicated to me.. I think that some people are just so pressed to be in a relationship that they'd take a piece of man. Like Betty said "Having a piece of man is better than having no man at all--" 

I don't believe that at all. If he isn't 100% with me, why bother? Why on earth would you even put "Its Complicated" about your relationship with a person-- especially when in the very beginning? Did you guys not discuss it yet? Are they technically still with someone else? If that's the case then its an "open relationship" which is just as bad if not worse.

I refuse to share. I refuse to settle. I rather be single that have a half ass relationship just for the sake of not being ALONE.

Get your priorities straight. These are probably the same people who look down upon me because I have no problem with having casual sex if I feel the urge to. To those people I say: At least I'm not hanging on to the tiniest hope that its more than what it is. When I have casual sex, I know its just sex. I'm not hoping it turns into more.. (most of the time). 

I'm not perfect but still... Yall hoes are silly.

Erykah Badu Follows ME!!!

If you've been keeping up with me lately then you know that I love me some Erykah Badu. She's a fellow Texan too ya know. I feel her music on another level. Now that I'm older I know the meaning behind the words but as a child I just thought it sounded like ME. I was so happy that I had an artist to look up to who spoke to me. Nobody else was showing that true African beauty. Rockin a fro. Singing about something other than shaking my ass..

I sung On & On in a talent show at my daddys house when I was like 10 & got boo'd out the water. everyone got a perfect score but me. i got a 60. they called me miss sixy =/ but i kept on singin On&On bc I felt that song. lol..

Now she follows me on twitter. I'm overjoyed =]

Baby Tyga....

We'd have pretty babies ;)

My older brother & I in 1989=]

Weirdo...

Person is following 55 celebs.. & Me. Weird. 

Light skin Vs Dark Skin

Silliest shit I've seen on twitter in a long ass time. I don't get it. Black is beautiful. As @CubanBunny says:

I think of it as chocolate. Different flavors, colors, but at the end of the day-- its still CHOCOLATE.

Who the fuck are Yall?

I have the urge to walk into a random classroom on campus & start singing.. "There's just too many ppl here right now that I didn't know last year-- WHO DA FUCK ARE YALL?"  then walk out like nothing happened.

Many people didn't like the song. I love it. Its my Ringtone. Yes. I love Aubrey. Future husband. All that. Can't wait for the video. & to buy Thank Me Later. Yes I said it. I'm gonna buy it. I usually only buy Beyonce albums & still the rest. This means I really LOVE him. (as an artist) i'm not that obsessed.

I'm tired of watching old reruns of Degrassi. I need my Jimmy fix NOW.

I'm Pretty freakin Awesome

Is today my Fuck Love day? I've noticed that I've been in that mood lately. Everything that I'm writing reflects that. I try so hard to tell myself that I don't mind being single, & I honestly hate it. I try to make myself believe that I know I'll find love eventually but I don't believe that shit either. I say that I don't care if a guy thinks that what I do is unattractive. I do care, I just choose not to change my habits for the shear "potential" of making one guy more likely to find me a tad bit more attractive. One guy said I talk about sex too much & that's why I'm single. One guy said smoking is unattractive. Another guy said he liked women with french manicures. Some other dude told me he likes when women dress up. Another doesn't like weave. One doesn't like makeup. Some guys hate my natural hair. Others love it. Some say I look better with long hair.. but they don't like weave?

I can't please everyone so why try to please one? I think that I'm pretty much pleased with myself.

I got a formspring hate comment from some chick who told me that I have low self esteem. That I always talk about how I love my body but then again I'm trying to lose weight & talking about diets and shit. To whoever that person is-- Fuck you. If I had low self esteem I wouldn't post pictures of me looking superbly busted. I wouldn't have any flawed photos online of myself. I do. I accept my imperfections and I love it. Yes, I have stretch marks on my hips. I have a pudge. My boobs aren't as perky as they used to be. My ass is outrageously huge. My waist isn't 25inches like it was in high school. I have a few dark spots on my forehead from popping pimples. I always break out along my hairline which is why I usually have bangs. I have a tiny gap between my two front teeth which just so happen to be a bit bucked. I hate pedicures. I never wear belts so you can normally see a bit of crack when i sit down. I'm nearly blind.

I mean, there is sooo much wrong with me that I see but I don't care! I love my body!! I love the jiggle in my ass to the clawed stretch marks on my hips. That still won't stop me from wearing a two piece or showing the world my stomach. I flaunt my imperfections. I know I'm beautiful. I don't need validation. Thats not a self esteem issue. That's just me being real. Of course I'd love to have abs or a firm ass. I'm human. I'd also love to have Double D's, never have morning breath and a big ass dose of energy. LOL. Thats all.

About Me

I hate writing about ME unless its something about how I feel or what I believe. I can however tell you about me in lyrics. Enjoy:

"I Found Myself"

So long
Farewell
Hello, to the new me
The better me

That's right
My Life...

[Verse 1:]
21, and I've realized,
Everything you want's not meant to be.
21 then you qualify,
To stand up to responsibilities.
So I tried to prioritize
By deciding what I know is best for me.

And then there's always, love that tries to trip you up.
You try to catch yourself before you hit the ground.
But nothings promised.
Friends are there to cheer you up,
To give you strength and build you up when you are down.
So I set sail emotion

[Chorus:]
I say
So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward.
My ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over.
My heart is well,
After all that I've been through
I found myself.

[Verse 2:]
22, I hope that I'm,
With someone who truly cares for me.
If I'm not, I'll be alright,
I'll accept the time I know God has for me.
One day I'll be the perfect wife.
That's my destiny,
And I won't be afraid to try
though is always....

Love that tries to trip you up
But then someone who sweep you off the ground,
But nothings promised.
I'm not gonna give it up
Just because the last one let me down.
So I set sail emotion.

[Chorus:]
I say
So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward.
My ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over.
My heart is well,
After all that I've been through
I found myself.

[Verse 3:]
I'm looking out for me,
Taking care of my needs.
Life isn't guaranteed,
It's time to start living.
It wont always be the same,
Can't be afraid of change.
You wanna have your way,
Demand till your Satisfied
You lower your self esteem,
You gotta live your dream.
It's all bout confidence,
To let them know that you can stand up.
You never try,
Learn to express you mind.
Sometimes you gotta fight,
It's your life so don't you give up.

[Chorus:]
I say
So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward.
That ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over.
My heart is well,
After all that I've been through
I found myself. After all that I've been through
I found myself......... 

I Found Myself

My inbox is my source of entertainment. You have NO idea what kind of fuckery I deal with on a daily basis. The other day I wrote a facebook status that read: At 22 I hope that I'm with someone who truly cares for me. If I'm not, I'll be alright. I'll accept the time I know God has for me. This gave the much needed ammunition to certain someone to send me a text saying "Oh so I'm not good enough for you? I see your status talkin bout you wanna be with someone at 22 but when I tried to get with you you said no.." 


I'm like Well Damn, I can't have a status without it hurting your feelings. That shit is so irksome. Yes, it is true. I often write about me not being able to find a guy who actually like me or wants to be in a relationship with me but I neglect to talk about the few guys who actually approach me and get turned down. Maybe I set my standards to high? Maybe I'm really not 100% ready to be in a relationship. Maybe I'm just scared to be in a relationship with ANYONE right now. Maybe I'm scared of being hurt. 


Who knows. I just know that after a night with him and the horrible experience that I had, I chose to just distance myself from him. You know, shit like this ALWAYS happens. A guy tells me he likes me. I say "aww how sweet". Then he pursues me, & I come up with every reason why he shouldn't like me, how i'm too much to handle. how he'd be much better off with another woman. Then I push him away. Find some small flaw & make a big ass deal about it. Then I come to my blog, twitter or facebook & complain about not being able to find a guy who likes me for me.


It's no one's fault but my own. I'm way worse than most guys. I know I want someone whose all genuine but most of the time I quit talking to a guy because I find out he has a little penis. Just like a guy dumping a chick because she's wack at sex. Is SEX that big of a deal in a relationship? It really isn't. I can put up with wack sex. I can put up with a smaller peen. If its love, I'll feel the connection between us.. but if when we make love I feel NOTHING I can't say anything about that. 


I found myself. That song just speaks to me. Listen to it. By Ciara.

I truly believe that I found myself. I know what I want now. I'm just making things happen on my own.

Fuck Love.

I had this pretty random dream last night.. You want to read about it? I'll try my best to be as detailed as possible.

It started off pretty normal, I was back in Atlanta with my Hun bun =] & we were having marathon like sex. You know, crazy positions, all day-all night., can't stop won't stop & boy was it GREAT. Feeling that warm, thick tongue all over my body had me climbing the walls in ecstasy. Of course I leave him and the first person I see is his ex-- *eye roll*. She doesn't see me I guess so she begins to announce to everyone that she is back with my Hun bun & how they have decided to stay together forever. As I hear this I just stand there. Paralyzed by her words. I just walked out the room with Hun bun, wtf is SHE talkin about. He then walks over & joins her & confirms that they are indeed getting back together. Suddenly the whole room erupts into congratulations! "Oh my God!! I'm So happy for you guys! You were made for each other! You're like my FAVORITE couple".. Yeah all that bullshit is buzzing in my ears. I just drop down to the ground and cry. Curled up in a little ball.. I cry. Then my friend pulls me up & drags me out of there (thank God!) She tells me to snap out of it. I feel so stupid though. He obviously loves her so regardless of what I do he won't ever be with me. SMH.

The dream pretty much ends there because I wake up look at my phone & begin to text his phone but I decide not to right before I press 'send'. I lay there thinking to myself WHY did I dream about that?? Is it because I was talking about our first time on blogtv?? Is it because I'm going to see him & my other friends in like two weeks? Or how about I saw some tagged photos of him & one he was actually with his ex and the comment was something like "Awww I love these two"... Hmmm. Yup thats exactly why. In my mind I know I have no chance with him but like every dumb woman in the World, I feel as if I can somehow make him choose me. I can WIN his love & affection. I can use my sex appeal, my wit, my conversation, my mind, body & spirit to make him MINE & only mine.

That's the problems, we always seem to want those who don't necessarily want us back. To yearn for the attention of a person who has eyes for someone else. Am I wrong for wanting to be loved? No. But why should I try to take away HIS love from another?

I like him. I can't deny that. I always will. Sex complicates things. I won't try to break up anything if there is something there but still.. *sigh*.

I just want what I want. Is that so wrong?

Fuck this shit. Fuck Love.

Smoke Sum Bitch pt 2

I kinda enjoy smoking...

Hey...

Do You wanna laugh? Well then Click HERE, yes right HERE & listen :)

Question!

Would you agree to sign a pre-nup that would leave you with next to NOTHING if you were to get a divorce??

I'm not saying with normal 5-6 figure dudes.. I'm talkin multi-millionaires. Would you sign a pre-nuptial agreement that would leave you with NOTHING even if you really "LOVED" the guy??

"Holla we want PRENUP!!"

What if YOU'RE equally or more successful than your partner?? Then would you agree to sign a prenup?? hmmmmm

I LOVE Necole Bitchie

She even RT'd me once.. As well as linked back to me on her website. I love her site. She should be my BFF when I come back to ATL. =]

& yes, I did key HIS car in high school. You wanna know who?? Well you just gotta wait for the book =P

TigerMail

One of Tiger's Hoes Joslyn James released some of the texts he sent her. smh. thus meaning TWITTER was poppin =]

                                     
  

LMAO.. Damn Tiger!! Read More of the fuckery here

Tiger is my nigga. Talk to these hoes all RECKLESS. Call em a whore, slap em around.. & they still want you. dirrrrty.. I actually respect him MORE now because of this. I didn't know he had it in him, *tear*.. Tiger, you are gangsta. #ThugLuv. I fuck with you the long way now.. 

What do you call your....

Vagina!! Vageen!! Vajayjay!! Privacy, Box, Kaslopis, pikachu, girl, poonanny, pussy, Kat, kitty...


What do you call your "girl"? 

Oh Aubrey...

C is for your confidence-Boy I love the cool in you
R is for rumors they make-I wish that they were true
U, you put a smile on my face - you're unforgettable
S is for your sexiness
H I gotta have it

I gotta crush on you-I love me some you

A big crush on you=]

For the Homies locked up..

I'm supposed to write my homie in Jail.. But i haven't yet. smh. I'm a bad friend. I just need stamps and an envelope.. I said I was gonna write like two weeks ago. I feel bad. Damn. I'm so gangsta. I have fam locked up for murder #nshit.. Oh lawd...

But I'm gangsta myself. I wish I was so bad. Damn. Guttah.

I won't say Free SoNSo because he did the crime & I do believe that you must do the time..

But I also think that not being able to afford a GOOD lawyer is the main reason why many of my fellow black brothers & sisters are locked up for years off some stupid drug case but a fuckin murderer can get off with just 15yrs.. A rapist/child molester sometimes only gets 3-5yrs. SMH. Oh yeah, but only if they're white. Aint that some shit?

That's the only problem I have with this fucked up justice system. Its not really about if you're guilty or not.. Its about if your lawyer is smart enough to get you out of trouble or prove you're insane, or that their isn't enough EVIDENCE smh. Bitches. White America.. White America.

Damn Bey

So.. When is the "Put It In A Love Song" video dropping?? Have you noticed that each of the last three videos featuring Beyonce (Video Phone, Telephone, Put It In A Love Song..) Have had their release dates PUSHED back?? Remember how LONG we waited for Video Phone & it was lackluster.. & Telephone took FOREVER to come out as well.. Smh. & Now A.Keys isn't releasing this video until April or something.. smh