As I grow older I am learning how to be more vocal about what I really want.
Of course for years I had convinced myself that I wanted certain things because I was conditioned to believe that was all I could have. I didn't let myself think that I could actually have everything that I wanted in regards to men and relationships with men. I believed that I'd have to settle for whatever was good enough instead of what was perfect for me. I had to find a fixer upper instead of my dream man.
Why is that?
Today while randomly scrolling my Facebook timeline I came across a post from some guy who was in my inbox and it mentioned how he had a bunch of kids. Somehow that triggered me to be slightly shady and post my quarterly reminder to all men who may be interested in pursuing me that I did not date men with kids.
Usually, I add a bonus comment on how I hate kids (which I don't-- I just like to ruffle the feathers of my Facebook friends because it's fun and I'm bored while scrolling) but this time I just kept it cute and sweet. Of course someone had to ask me why and when I simply reiterated my initial comment that I just don't date men with kids, she decided to give unsolicited advice on some age limit that was acceptable when dating a daddy.
Why do I have to make exceptions for men who would never grant that same luxury to me?
I just don't want to date a man with kids. I want to have all of his attention. I want to be courted. I want my weekends to be kid free and not feel like I'm babysitting. I want what I want.
It's not like these men have one kid. No ma'am. These fuckers have multiple kids with different women- many of whom they never had an actual relationship with. So I'm just supposed to accept Mr. irresponsible dick because I'm approaching 30 & apparently I need to lower my standards before I end up 40 and still single and childless? Funny.
These same men that you women are so gung-ho on me giving a chance wouldn't even look your way unless they needed a place to stay OR wanted a piece of income tax return. Women are conditioned to take whatever seemingly nice guy that comes their way because allegedly having a piece of man is better than having no man at all.
Betty Wright wasn't right with that one.
We are not our mothers and grandmothers. We don't have to accept whatever comes our way because we fear being alone.
I spent years settling for the bottom of the barrel, ain't shit, disrespectful, lame excuses for men because I did not want to be single. The label of being was seen as a sign that I was somewhat damaged goods and no one wanted me. Now I'm at a point in my life where I know that settling gets you nowhere. If I don't like something, why waste time trying to make it work?
My preference is just that- MY PREFERENCE. Men speak out constantly about not wanting to draw women who wear weave/wigs or makeup. They don't want to date women who show too much skin. They only date skinny or petite women. They don't like women who smoke or go out. These are all preferences that we just accept.
But as soon as I say I don't date men with kids it's a problem? Cute.
Well y'all continue dating baby daddy's. I prefer not to.
And if I meet a dope as guy tomorrow who just so happens to have a kid from a previous relationship and I decide to date him--- that's that. And I'll be here to write about what made him so special that I didn't mind the kid-1-singular.