Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Sexual Favors

Its no secret. I'm a very sexual person. Its obviously pretty evident from just looking at me or something because I always get Honesty Box comments and random messages from people saying the SAME thing. I don't apologize for it just because it is what it is I guess. By nature, we are all sexual beings. Or at least the people I know are. Some are just more vocal about it than others.

Me, I guess I fall in that vocal category. I know i'm not a virgin that don't mean i'm having sex with ya (courtesy of Claudette 4rm City High).

Some are so quick to judge other just by what you find is not appropriate. I hate when girls act like they DON'T give oral sex to guys and front about it when I know & have evidence that they have indeed given head to more guys than just that "one" who they were with for YEARS. Hahaha come on, be serious. If you do it, you do it. If you don't want to talk about it just be like umm that's none of your business and keep it moving.

I don't understand why some guys still won't give oral to girl unless she's WIFEY but still expect you to do the favor for them. Umm NO. I'm like a guy because I prefer receiving.. and not returning favors. But anywho...

Why is sex still such a taboo thing?! I feel that any person should be able to openly talk about sex without feeling that some guy is just going to think that SEX is all they want. Wait that's my problem.. I don't even talk about sex in public at all really.. Barely converse with guys about it.. But I still get people looking at me in a sexual way thinking that ALL i want is sex when that's not Bee at all. I do want to be in a relationship, monogamous relationship that is. I just have yet to find a guy who actually likes me because I'm a freakin genius, superbly witty, and am a genuine cool ass chick to be around.

Lately the only guys checkin for me are those who i've already labeled "just a friend". maybe i should OPEN my eyes to these guys even tho I may not be that attracted to them cuz u know the basis of a good relationship is suipposedly friendship. WTF ever..
lol I'm just tired of putting up with bullshit ass guys. Dudes who lie on their penal sticks. Dudes who are cheating on their girlfriends... ughh..

That's why I'm single. 90% of people cheat in my eyes. "Everybody cheats but you gotta know how, you gotta know when & you gotta know why.." I'm so sick of Dudes playing with girl's emotions. Or ANYONE playing with anybody's emotion. Like why would you say all this ish like "i love you" if you don't mean it. "i wanna be with you". "I feel that you will one day complete me".. & then when i open up to your ass you say you don't think i'm ready?! ha.. right. Ur just like a freakin lame-- sayin what u think i wanna hear just to be like nahh we not ready 2 take that next step when i come around. lol. silly boyz.

And i'm soo mad at guys/ex's who haven't hit you up in months/weeks/days/years or however long but randomly do one night just to see "What's up". You know what they want. They won't get it. Ughh done ranting.

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

I'm My Own Worst Enemy

The may be the realest ish I ever wrote. Ughh..
I read my old diary land posts from back in 2003-2006. Yes when I was a heavy online diary having. Before blogs became so popular. I read this one entry and I swear I was near tears. In six years, you would think that I would grow.. Unfortunately I realize that the same problems that occupied my mind, the same insecurities that consumed me way back then-- they STILL bother me today. I just can't understand how I thought that I was over some things and I look in the mirror and the problem is still the same. I know my faults. I know what I need to work on but.. Idk. Its just a continuous cycle of the same bullshit. You'd think I'd be so far above that shit but I'm not. See I said "shit". You know I'm mad cuz I'd usually just say ish.

I just want to fuckin scream at myself. To mend my somewhat scorned mental I began on a quest to find the replacement. Nothing long term, just something to take my mind off the drama that was that nigga. It worked for awhile but obviously something is wrong with my psychotic ass since I still fall for the same niggas. On the outside everything looks as if we would be the best thing smokin but oooh NO. Hell no. He's just like the last one. Ignorant fucker. He plays the same game. He thinks I'm crazy..

Maybe I am crazy because every guy that I'm involved with always says the same thing. That I'm crazy crazy crazy. That i have issues. But maybe they just can't handle the fact that I'm intense. And this is with everything that i do. If I like you, I like ONLY you. If I want you.. I intensely want you. If I love you its the deepest love ever.

I can't handle intense things which is why I push certain niggas to the side as just a friend or physical connection. Its my own downfall. I know. I am my own worst enemy. The sad thing is I know this. I don't want to be caught up in something intense and put my all in something for it to fail.

And this all goes right freakin back to high school. FUCK. I'm done with my own sob story. Memoirs of a Future Spinster

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Stupid Ass Girl Syndrome *SAGS*

SAGS. I've coined the acronym.. its mine :)

There has been a whole heap of sags ish going on the the "world" today, ahem Cassie & Rihanna. Yes both girls have had nudies leaked of them this week.. Obviously they were taken for a "special someone" and once the relationship soured, this is the outcome. Mad ex's response to an ego scarred?? Ruined reputations.

Of course, I kinda know about this first hand. I've had a few of my own brushes with SAGS but i'm somewhat cured now. I was having fun.. being young, and of course cameras are fun. Snap snap. So easy. Ha.. of course friends saw but that was just my ass in some panties. Not all that bad since its as much cheeks you'd see if we were at a pool.

Its soo easy to be taken advantage of by a guy though. We've all been away from our boo and he asks you to email or send pics to his phone. Once you've sent those pics, they are NOW OUT FOR THE WORLD TO SEE POSSIBLY. Even worse if you're a celebrity.

So ladies be careful. Lol. Here's a tip. If you really must make a lil video umm keep it on your laptop or something. And.. only send a titty shot if you don't care if ur nips are out for the world to see :)

Monday, May 4, 2009

I Bet U think this blog is about u? HA.

I've been quite the little sickling lately. I'm talking intense body pains throughout the night. So bad that I can not do anything but scream out in pain. I'm better now :) thank god.. still can barely hold down food but we're making progress.

My awesome fam bam will be here in a couple of days. i'm sooo freakin excited to see them. I love them more than ANYTHING!!! Plus that means I can get away from mighty mouse. You know the girl who hides behind expensive bags and cheap shoes and a horrible weave?? But thats all i can say about her.

I shall miss Emcee & Jam. They are the only girls I could EVER tolerate in the world besides Tootie. (and if u KNOW bee, you know i hate girls-- which is why most dont' like me since i'm always with guys. jealous slores) I'm seriously considering going to visit one or both over the summer. Prob take a road trip when daddy gets me a car :) woooot!!!!! But i heart those bitches. So entertaining. and not ridiculously fake. Which is truly hard at Spelman. Yeah i know i talk shit about ppl, but i do it because they deserve it. NOt to bring another person down. HA. and if i say anything bout them, or critique them its out of a respectful place/ vice versa.

Some people are just horrible at being humans. Get mad because you delete them from your friends list on facebook but swear they aren't upset. If u weren't upset then why are you bringin it up? And how would u know that we're not friends if u weren't being super nosey dissecting every single status i write tryin to figure out WHO i'm talkin bout?? lookin for shit that aint there. making mountains out of a molehill. from ONE status- I can't wait until MayDAy; which meant: I can not wait until that day in May when i get to go back home to Texas. Why? My family whom i haven't seen since January. Whataburger. Hangin with the oldies again. Having my mother COOK every freakin day.. Not having to buy anything!! uh yeah-- mini vacay until June smh.

but thats it. some people just want the attention. would die without it. sucks for them. hope they die a slow and painful death. Damn that wasn't nice.. but then again "..i'm not a nice person.."