Friday, July 14, 2017

Sir Carter and Rumi

Queen Beyoncé Giselle Knowles Carter shared the first picture of her now one month old twins, Sir Carter and Rumi.

I'm DYING! Beyoncé petty ass waited until midnight to drop this iconic pic on Instagram! Remember she debuted Blue Ivy on tumblr at around the same age. I'm excited.
Beyoncé is the queen of unexpected drops.
She always breaks the internet.




When she announced her pregnancy in February 🖤
 And me because I'm extra AF 😭😭😭 I love Beyoncé! The Beyhive is still on maternity leave though... BUT WE COMING! 



Saturday, June 3, 2017

Let's Be Honest

I don't know what I'm doing.
I have no idea what I am doing with my life.
My life has become a series of unfortunate events that seem too dramatic to be real life.
My life is a made for tv drama.
Or a romantic comedy- minus the romance. Borderline psychological thriller.
My life is pathetic.

I often convince myself that things are better than they actually are.
I tell myself that I'm happy when I'm not in hopes that one day it'll be true.
I pretend that relationships are healthy when in reality it's killing me slowly.
I act tough when in fact I'm a mere shell of a person.
I'm weak.
I'm unstable.
I'm always moments away from crying.
I'm foolish.
I'm afraid.
I'm always making things more difficult than they need to be.

I can't speak up for myself.
It's easier to act like things don't affect me when every little thing does.\
I'm sensitive as fuck. My feelings are easily hurt. I am once again right where I said I'd never be..

Let's be honest for once in our lives. Let's learn to live a life worthy of living. Let's be real.
Let's open up and live the way we ought to live.

Monday, April 17, 2017

So I tried the Diva Cup

I have never been a fan of pads. I thought it was gross to be sitting in blood all day. So I went to tampons fairly early. Yet still there were issues with leaks and after reading the insert in the box on toxic shock syndrome-- I was terrified. Wtf was I inserting inside my vagina monthly?? Buying multiple sizes. Not knowing if I was still in my heavy flow stage or if a regular absorbency would suffice. Running to change my tampon every couple of hours so I won't have leaks because it's difficult to take multiple breaks when you work at a prison (so glad those days are over). It was just a hassle. So last year I had a last minute trip planned for the weekend to visit my bae... and my period came outta nowhere. So I googled how to get it to end earlier and it all worked but I ended up buying some indeed softcups to use during sex because I was definitely getting the dick that weekend! $600 flight? Oh bitch. And guess what they worked MAGICALLY. And were disposable. 😅😅😅 Crisis averted. Period sex can happen... But this ain't about those softcups. This is about...

The Diva Cup. 

I'm sure you've seen the commercials and thought "why would I stick that inside myself l?" Or are just freaking out about something foreign-- as if tampons and dicks are any less foreign, but no need for the dramatics. Your pussy will love you after this. 

So tips. Make sure you insert the cup properly. The box and website both include instructions on insertion that you must follow in order to have a pleasant experience. The magical trick is to rotate the cup 360 degrees to create a suction. This prevents leaks. If you don't... you might have a crime scene in your panties. 🤷🏾‍♀️ 

Pros-
• No smell. Yea... you can't smell anything while the cup is inside. I know! How amazing. 
• Can keep the cup inside for up to 12hrs. This means you can sleep 😴 with it. Take a very long flight without having to change it. Very convenient. Your life doesn't have to pause because you need to change your tampon. Very handy if there's not a restroom nearby. 
• saves you money! Now the website suggested retail price is $39.99 BUT since I fucks with Amazon prime--- You can get the Diva Cup for $23.88. Boom. Free shipping with Prime. Get it. Save your coins. And it lasts about a year... maybe longer but $20 a year vs $9 for a box of tamping every month or so. 
• Shorter Cycle. Since all of the blood is freely flowing into the cup and NOT being plugged inside it appears that my period is a day shorter. Idk why. Or how. But yea girl. From 5 days to 4.


Cons
• You can't have sex. If you want to have mess free sex while on your period, try Indeed Softcups. 
• You have to empty it out and clean it yourself. Yea I know some of you are like gross blood- I have to clean it out then insert it again?! Yup. You do. Which is why I've only changed it out at home. I guess if you're out and about you could use a wipe or something but I'd just plan to be back home in 12hrs. 
• Insertion can be difficult. You have to fold it in have and make sure your grip is firm enough so the darn cup doesn't open up like an umbrella 🌂 against my labia and freaks me out because I'm trying to push the whole thing inside and it just won't fit 🤦🏾‍♀️ I have to be sitting on the edge of my bed in order to put the cup in. Maybe you can do it while squatting or propping a leg up on the toilet but the way my thighs are set up--- yea, I need to brace myself. 

That's really it. It's comfortable as hell. I forgot I was on my period. Not really having cramping. Not fearing about having all those toxic chemicals in tampons inside my vagina. Oh and the Diva Cup has lines for measuring the amount of fluid inside the cup. It holds up to 1/2 oz and I've noticed on my heavier days I'm just under the 1/4 oz line after 12hrs. The first day was literally half of that. It's really cool to be able to measure how much blood you lose each cycle. 

Try it out. Lemme know if you're joining the club. Or share your horror stories. 

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

I Don't Date Men With Children

As I grow older I am learning how to be more vocal about what I really want.

Of course for years I had convinced myself that I wanted certain things because I was conditioned to believe that was all I could have. I didn't let myself think that I could actually have everything that I wanted in regards to men and relationships with men. I believed that I'd have to settle for whatever was good enough instead of what was perfect for me. I had to find a fixer upper instead of my dream man.

Why is that?

Today while randomly scrolling my Facebook timeline I came across a post from some guy who was in my inbox and it mentioned how he had a bunch of kids. Somehow that triggered me to be slightly shady and post my quarterly reminder to all men who may be interested in pursuing me that I did not date men with kids.

Usually, I add a bonus comment on how I hate kids (which I don't-- I just like to ruffle the feathers of my Facebook friends because it's fun and I'm bored while scrolling) but this time I just kept it cute and sweet. Of course someone had to ask me why and when I simply reiterated my initial comment that I just don't date men with kids, she decided to give unsolicited advice on some age limit that was acceptable when dating a daddy.

Girl.

Why do I have to make exceptions for men who would never grant that same luxury to me?

 I just don't want to date a man with kids. I want to have all of his attention. I want to be courted. I want my weekends to be kid free and not feel like I'm babysitting. I want what I want.

It's not like these men have one kid. No ma'am. These fuckers have multiple kids with different women- many of whom they never had an actual relationship with. So I'm just supposed to accept Mr.  irresponsible dick because I'm approaching 30 & apparently I need to lower my standards before I end up 40 and still single and childless? Funny.

These same men that you women are so gung-ho on me giving a chance wouldn't even look your way unless they needed a place to stay OR wanted a piece of income tax return.  Women are conditioned to take whatever seemingly nice guy that comes their way because allegedly having a piece of man is better than having no man at all.

Girl, bye.

Betty Wright wasn't right with that one.

We are not our mothers and grandmothers. We don't have to accept whatever comes our way because we fear being alone.

I spent years settling for the bottom of the barrel, ain't shit, disrespectful, lame excuses for men because I did not want to be single. The label of being was seen as a sign that I was somewhat damaged goods and no one wanted me. Now I'm at a point in my life where I know that settling gets you nowhere. If I don't like something, why waste time trying to make it work?

My preference is just that- MY PREFERENCE. Men speak out constantly about not wanting to draw women who wear weave/wigs or makeup. They don't want to date women who show too much skin. They only date skinny or petite women. They don't like women who smoke or go out. These are all preferences that we just accept.

But as soon as I say I don't date men with kids it's a problem? Cute.

Well y'all continue dating baby daddy's. I prefer not to.

And if I meet a dope as guy tomorrow who just so happens to have a kid from a previous relationship and I decide to date him--- that's that. And I'll be here to write about what made him so special that I didn't mind the kid-1-singular.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Wigs

So... I started wearing wigs instead of getting sewins because I'm HORRIBLE will keeping a style for that long. Versatility is fun. I'm tired of dyeing and cutting my real hair (which is still natural). 

Oh yea, my makeup skills have improved SO much. Dropping niggas who don't like you wearing hair & makeup will do wonders for your face. I'm just trying to continue to glow in 2017. 

I realized that I have virtually no current pics on this here blog. Damn. 
It's mainly due to the fact that I'm always blogging via my iPhone 6s+ and I rarely hop my ass on my laptop.

Here's my face though. If you want makeup details and all that jazz I guess I can review products too even though people rather watch youtube tutorials. I aint got a fancy camera, lighting and cute backdrops yet so there's that. 

Enjoy.

Outre Tess







Brazilian Curly 

Brazilian body wave


Freetress Kitron




#Celibacy2017

5 years ago i vowed to be celibate the entire year of 2012. I didn't even last a month.
This year is different, I think. I was watching random interviews on youtube and kept stumbling across Meagan Good talking about how she was celibate before meeting and marrying her now husband. 

And then I began questioning my own reasons for having sex.

Why? It feels good. I enjoy it. But does it make me a better person? Am I ok without it? Am I just obsessed with the dick/sex and not the person attached to it?? 

So after many failed attempts at love, the fact that Trump is getting rid of abortion, and birth control will no longer be free, my ass has decided to be celibate. I guess.

I guess, because I may be writing to you later on to tell you that I changed my mind. Or that I'm secretly married just to have sex. You never know with me.

It has been 26 days since I've had sex. The last time was pretty great too.

I miss it. I'm horny af. I get annoyed by everyone and everything. My old flings still want my ass.
I've lost some weight though. Maybe i'll work out instead of having sex. I doubt that will work but oh well.

Anywho, I have nothing else to say. I think I'm gonna turn this into the celibacy chronicles... Maybe blogging again will be more interesting now that I crave dick I can't have. 

Peace.




oh yea. I have a podcast coming out this year. If you want me on your show, you know where to reach me. Well... yea whatever. 

Monday, January 23, 2017

Loved & Lost Again

I was certain that He was the one. But as always I was loud and wrong. I just knew I had met my King. He made me feel beautiful when others made me feel like I was nothing special. Grabbed handfuls of my flaws and stared my insecurities in the eyes and said "I love this".
He kissed away my fears. He wiped away tears. And then as fast as he came, he was gone. My King was gone. Found another Queen like he had done a few times before. Gave me way less when I wanted more.

But if he doesn't love me, then who will? Am I destined to be alone forever? Without him, who am I?

So I lost my King to the same bitch I once took him from. I guess my love wasn't really what he wanted. Karma. She is forever kicking my ass. Karma. She will forever make her sweet presence known.

Oh well. His family loved her even when he thought I could be a replacement. I should have ran away when he said that he didn't think he wanted to get married. Or when he said he didn't know if he wanted to have kids or not. But when he asked if I would be ok with that, I lied and said I would.

But that's Brittney. Always willing to sacrifice her wants for just a smidgen of happiness. So did I really lose? Am I unhappy? Is she better than me? Is he better off without me? Will I move on? Why can't I cry? I guess I'm just done... or am I really numb? Better than being dumb.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Rainy Hearts


I tried to build many relationships under fallacies and fairytales. I convinced myself that I didn't want more than sex because I believed that sex was all that I had to give. I didn't believe I could be a supportive girlfriend. I didn't think that I was able to be the person he came home to every night and unleashed all the turmoil from his day to. That his head couldn't lay in my lap as my fingertips gently caress his head assuring him that "everything's ok." I wasn't able to be a rock for him to lean on when things became too much for him to stand alone. I wasn't capable of picking up the pieces of his soul after the world has broken him down. I didn't think that I was enough. So even though I wasn't sure if I could be the woman he needed when things got serious, I knew that at least my pussy could suffice for awhile.

Maybe I couldn't have dinner waiting on the stove for him after a long days work but I could have my pussy waiting for him to devour. I probably couldn't be a spiritual guide but his soul- I can definitely steal with just one touch from these lips. Can't build him up but my with these hips, he can grip, and stay balanced. Never asking "how was your day?" But instead moaning out "fuck me harder".

So yes, I'm a mess. I knew the role I could play. I never let myself be the wife because being a mistress was much more fun... or just easier. Both sides of my bed belong to me. I don't have to decide between Housewives or ESPN. I can still be alone yet be held for part of the night. I thought that I was ok with just having that. I thought I was ok with not forming meaningful bonds with men. I thought I wasn't ready for love.

Of course, I failed at the casual sex game many times before. I ended up falling more than intended. Feelings were formed despite how hard I tried to convince myself that just sex was enough. Occasionally he'd spend the night and I'd feel so safe in his arms that it almost felt like this was it, this was the real thing. And suddenly he's gone leaving me once more to figure out if what I was feeling was another fairytale in my head and not me actually breaking down the walls surrounding my cold heart.
Was my heart really frozen because I was incapable of love or was that what I told myself after constantly ending up feeling the adverse affects of love? Did I run away from relationships because I knew that it wouldn't last or was I afraid that it actually would? Am I creating tumultuous relationships just to keep my mind off the fact that I am alone day after day? Does the faux drama give me an excuse to blame everything on men not being honest and breaking my heart when the truth is I'm the one who is dishonest about my true intentions.
If I can distract him with my ass, will he forget that I'm a mess?

Or maybe when I tried to tell him how I feel he didn't understand me because he's shoved his dick down my throat?

Did he become distracted by my cleavage whenever I try to get his attention?

Or maybe it was my ass bouncing up and down in his lap that made it hard for him to concentrate on what I really needed.

I replaced love with orgasms. And it still will never be enough.

Whenever I try to change, my past comes back to haunt me. Those "I miss you" messages are really saying "I'm horny and you came to mind."

When he said I love you, he was talking to my pussy and not me.

At first I felt that was enough. I guess I changed.

But now I have to figure out out of all the love affairs I've had, were any of them true? Did I really form a bond beyond friendship or sexual admiration with these men? Do any of them really know me or do they only know my ass? Do they understand my needs or just my high sex drive?

Am I enough?

Can I meet his parents as his girlfriend and not just his friend? Will they understand that not only do I love his dick, but I love their son as well?

Do I even know how to decipher between the love I have for his dick and for him?

One day you find yourself crying in a dark room because the silence has become too loud for your empty bed and you crave for another body to just lay beside you. And when that body comes, you know that it wasn't the body you wanted but you settle because it will do. For now at least.

And then that's not even enough. Maybe if I had given love a try back then I'd be in love now. Maybe I broke too many hearts by declaring that my body could fuck whoever whenever she wanted.

That shit backfired. Or maybe I just grew up. Another rainy day heart.