Thursday, December 31, 2009

Hair Nappy but im Happy :)








So my hair isn't symmetrical but it has character. I call her Chloe. She is stuck up & only likes the best-- and speaks her MIND. You don't like her naps?? She will devour you completely.


Listen..

You can't always get mad at the other woman.. Yeah she might be a homewrecker but you're still with that dishonest fucker. Come on now.. How many times must he cheat before you stop claiming "all these hoes tryna take my man"? He has to be throwing something out there for them to bite. Everyone isn't OBSESSED with your man.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

You Oughta Know..

im in one of those moods.. Alanis went in on Joey from Full House. I feel these lyrics. I have since elementary school when i didn't even know wtf she was talkin about.

Oh & did you know that Beyonce covered it on the I am.. Tour??




just another reason to love it ;) So here are the lyrics. ENJOY. Listen. Feel the intensity of Bey's voice.. then listen to Alanis. Download it. Its worth it...

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre

Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive


And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?


=/


Dear Solange,

Can you teach me how to DJ? I wanna be like you when I grow up.. How come I wasn't invited to your party though? Its all good, just have a champagnechronicnightcap with me and all will be forgiven.

Love, Bee


PS

Tell yo sista I said "HEYYYYYYY"

Happy Holidays from the Staff @ Vividly Bland :)

For Christmas i got something. I forgot to blog about it BUT i finally got my laptop. Dell Inspiron. Pink.. I wanted purple tho but PINK will do. Her name is Pinky & I am the Brain.. I was so excited. I wanted a zebra print snuggie though. lol..

I ate good. I looked rough. and I didnt do shit. Haven't been to Hville in awhile. I need to visit my fam soon.

No NYE plans. Im too cool for that.

soo.. in case internet goes out again

***HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOURS FROM THE STAFF AT VIVIDLY BLAND***

yes i know im the only staff. but me, myself, & i wish you the bestest.

I Would Die 4 U


People never believe that I listen to shit other than Beyonce. They dont

believe that I LOVE Prince Rogers Nelson.. Mr Purple Rain Himself. He's one of the reasons why i LOVE the color purple.. & you know i LOVe my MIEUSICK

i have good music taste i believe. im addicted to love songs. mainly the love i'd die for kill for or the the love that hurts you.. or when the one that you love hurts you.

I Would Die 4 U speaks to me tho.. YOu can't youtube this. YOu have to BUY this. Yes.. Good music MUST be paid for :)

Barbie Bitch


In 2006 I was in the Miss Essence pageant *i didnt win of course.. im not pageantry enough*..


During practice we had fun question day to help us loosen up and blah blah blah..


My question was: "Would you like to have Barbie as a friend?"


My answer: "NO, I would not like to have Barbie as a friend because she is plastic and thats "fake" to me.. So having her as a friend would be the equivalent of having a fake friend."


Everyone said "oooh that was good.. i nevuh thought of that before..."



Those SAME pageant Girls are Now screaming out Im BARBIE this-- Sasha Minaj Beatrice Minaj Peaches Minaj..


Why would you want to be an inanimate fake lil barbie? why would you wanna be a follower??



oh yeah-- follow ME: @BeeMichelle

Love is blind..


So william loves. me.

i have proof..



But nobody knows it but me..
I tried to tell yall that LOVE is blind.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Ugh.. Annoying.

What do I hate the most?? People who call me when they don't want anything. Yes I know you're bored and YES I know you just wanna chat BUT I don't like small talk. If you are bored & just wanna talk about nothing, just text me instead.. Thats pretty much all you need. Better yet; If you're really bored just read my blog.. Or get on twitter/facebook. DONT CALL ME!!!

It's really irksome to hold the damn phone for that freaking long.

a tribe called Ves


I know people with great blogs that I LOVE to read...




Her name is Stacy. & she loves to blog. She writes about 10 a day. Random yet interesting...


you should read it. i enjoy it.

MEDIATAKEOUT SUCKS

yes i said it. mediatakeout sucks. just a bunch of opinionated bloggers who LOOOVE to report rumors or random stories without checking the facts..

come on now. if it isn't true then dont post it. i can easily be an "inside source veryyyy close to the celebrity". and im not.

im not reading that shit anymore..

gonna start a new blog called mediatakeoutsucks.com

dnt steal my idea..

Progress My Ass...

"We haven't progressed much since Tupac died. 'Brenda's gotta baby but Brenda's barely gotta BRAIN'. guess progress is a slow process smh"

This was my latest tweet. It made me wonder as soon as I posted it...

How far have we REALLY come in the last 15 years? Okay so we have a Black President-- A big accomplishment but that isn't really solving any problems. We still have a wide abundance of insecure girls who feel that they must have sex with a guy for him to care about and LOVE her. There are still father's who are not taking care of their children. There are still too many women who have kids and do NOT know who the father of their babies' are.

The Maury Show may be full of fuckery but it shows EXACTLY what is wrong with our country and OUR people. Women testing 3+ men and ALL of them aren't the father?! I don't know whats more upsetting; the fact that you had sex with so many men in that small time frame that you don't know who could be the father or that you're having unprotected sex with all of these men. This is not 1980. Everyone is fully aware of HIV & AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases/infections.

Instead of testing for DNA, maury should give all of the people on his show a blood/urine test and see exactly what kind of 'situation' they are really working with. Thats all that i'm thinking about when i watch that show..

As women you must take the initiative to protect yourself if he doesn't seemed that worried about it. You can carry condoms in your purse. Hell you carry everything else in there. I even have condoms in my backpack-- you never know! Better yet, if he doesn't want to use protection Don't have sex with him-- Don't have sex with a guy you are not exclusively involved with.

Maybe I should not sound so preachy because I am no better than anyone. I have had unprotected sex before. I have had sex with a guy I am not exclusively involved with. I have been that girl JUST like you. I'm just trying to be real.

Maybe if a little girl had a father who told her she was beautiful everyday she wouldn't feel the need to hear a man say it while he's inside of her to make her feel life she is worth it. Maybe if a mother talked to her daughter openly & honestly she would know better and wouldn't fall for those stupid lines these guys tell. Maybe a father should be a better example for his son so that he can know what a real man is.. Maybe just maybe.

IDGAF..

There are some people that I love. Just for the sake of liking something. I've talked about her before-- I love Solange. Now I love Beyonce more.. but ever since she had those red braids & was in Bow Wow's puppy love video. Call me crazy but I do. Especially since she cut all her hair off. I like people who just dont give a fuck.

And this is why she is the shit. She doesn't care that everybody hated the cut or said she needed an edge up. Blahhhh. I feel the same way sometimes when ppl tell me I need to get a perm or STRAIGHTEN my hair. No I don't. I like my fro. If I want straight hair i can BUY some. I don't need your acceptance, praise or compliments. I think I should name my hair..

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Hey weezy..b

I go out & old ladies like my ensemble..
I can not drive to save my life.
Even when I wear a belt, a wee bit of crack shows in my jeans so I end up saying fuck it and make sure i wear full bottom panties that are cute.
I hate dieting so I just but empire waist dresses and call it a day. Hips aren't in the equation.

Most of my dresses, regardless of width, end up becoming more fitted instead of flowy at the hips..

I kind of like Lil Wayne. Reminds me of my childhood.
First time I heard the block is hot-- i met brandon :)

soldier reminds me of ahem.. Mike & B. lmao..


the list goes on & on..

lollipop is freshman year @ Spelman.


ahhh memories.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Bee/Bria/Pia??

I was supposed to have been named Piaget but mother didnt like it.


Wouldn't I be SO cool if mother would have named me something original; like Piaget??



This one dude calls me Bria. I dont' like Bria because it reminds me of Bria Myles (Drake's old thang...) & Bria Murphy (Pleasure P's new thang/Eddie daughter).


I think im just under Bria in his phone so his ex/gf wont be able to get my number & confront me. ooopsies.




I feel like changing my name to Piaget [piyah-jay].


What do you think?



Piaget Michelle. ??? Everybody call's themselves Bee now. & they don't even like bees like me..


they dont want a tattoo of bees on their bodies like ME!! smh..



fuck it. Ima stick to Brittney.


















I drink at least two margaritas a day...





something about Jose Cuervo gets me going. I can use any tequila tho.. but that darn Gold Curevo is my fave :)



I Love my fro...



And you should too. =]

My Routine..


whenever i get online i do the SAME thing.

check my twitter-- @BeeMichelle

check facebook-- Bee Michelle Booker

check necolebitchie.com

check mediatakeout.com

read youknowyoudeadazzwrong.blogspot.com

skim thru fml.com

go back to twitter & facebook

textsfromlastnight.com


then LAUGH & giggle & text..


ALL these tabs are open at the same time. multi tasking..

The Other Woman..

Have you ever been the "other woman"?? I have. I can admit that full heartedly. A couple of times. I always wondered why I only attracted the guys who already had girlfriends but I soon realized that I was the one who seemed to ONLY want to be with the guy who was already in an established relationship. What was wrong with me that I only wanted to be THAT girl?

I didn't know this then but now its very easy for me to see why. My own insecurities made me do the things I did. I needed some validation from the opposite sex to feel beautiful; to feel wanted. And what better way to get that validation then from taking some guy away from his girlfriend??

This was successful at first when you didn't even have to use sex to get a guy. You know back in the days when looks alone could make him say damn, you're wayy "badder" than my current--- let me upgrade.

After that it has to be known that sex will be used to get a man.. Yeah you THINK this works until you realize that no matter how good your pussy is, he still probably wont leave his gf from you. WHY?!

Easy. He has the best of both worlds. Loving relationship with his boo & great sex from you. What ELSE could he want? I know! RIMS! & im sure your vagina isn't 22' or better.

I remember when I met 21; I was a sophomore in high school. Not really one to ask questions like "do you have a gf" because I was soo excited that he was older, had his own car, could pick me up when he wanted to, let me drive the whip, roll up with me.. etc. I mean if you have read my blog you pretty much know about me and 21. smh..

Initially I didn't know he had a gf but by the time I found at he had one I was too deep in it just to quit. This is how I became the other woman my default. So many lines I was fed. Main reason being that I was technically too young to be with him but when I turned 18 we'd make it "official". He wasn't with her anymore.. Only with her because she was pregnant.. etc. ALL the bull shit. Bad thing is she called my phone so many times and he always had to call & persuade me not to tell her. Even after our physical relationship ended and we were just friends.. He had to bribe me not to tell lol. If I wouldn't have opened up my big mouth about keying his car, his girl would have NEVER known that I was indeed the Brittney he was seeing-- Not some white girl @ SHSU. smh

I knew better. Should have just nipped it in the bud from the beginning but I was in it for good i guess. This caused drama to go OOOON & OOON for years even after I QUIT communicating with 21. Hell if were to write a blog about her today she'd be calling me tomorrow trying to start something even though she is no longer with him.

Sometimes you become the "other woman" by accident. Yes I have been this woman too. I know SHAME on me!! smh but its not entirely my fault. Okay so it was. Smh. It all started with this friend I had. We were so cool. I knew he had a girlfriend whom he talked about all the time and he knew I was doing whatever i was doing back then. We talked about everything. He was one of my closest guy friends. Of course with us sharing everything, sex came up and he too became sexually attracted to me. I had a crush on him too but I never crossed that line. I kept my feelings to myself because I knew that wasn't right. *sigh* flash forward to one drunken night & everything changed. We both became so drunk that innocent dancing turned into groping and grinding and next thing I know we're in his car making out. Man oh man.. that led to us going back to his room & having sex. Which then turned into us having sex again.. & again.. & again.. You get the picture?? I thought it was 'ok' because he & his gf were on a break..

But then that break was over I basically gave him the ultimatuum. "Dump her or no more sex with me" It came to that POINT. Of course this story is a tad bit different than most. You see he told me how he WISHED he knew me first-- he always had a crush on me.-- if things were different he'd be with me-- he wants to be with me but he still loves her & they've been together soo long. Yeah I heard all of those lines. Fell for em too. I was becoming too involved again.

In the end you'll be happy to know that I didn't have sex with him while he was with his gf anymore until way after they broke up. Even though he broke up with his girlfriend, i mean his girlfriend broke up with HIM smh he NOW wasn't really wanting to be in a relationship. Of course not!! He was in one for years! why would he jump into ANOTHER one. He can be free & do whatever. He thought that i'd be happy he was single. Nope. Still wasn't with me. SMH

I could write about this forever but then you wouldn't buy the book.. "The Other Woman" coming soon... a Personal memoir.. :) we haven't even touched on musical influences, media, ettc.. family matters. all those other contributors.

I ooze sex?

im addicted to boobs.

just because i want implants doesn't mean im insecure about my boobs. i wrote a whoooole post bout my insecurities.. well most of em; boobs aren't on the list..

im more insecure about my ass than my boobs. WHY?!


i always think that a guy is only interested in me because 1) he heard that I LOVE sex & thinks that translates to im easy..
2) he likes my ass

Its an automatic assumption because majority of the men i meet comment on my body within the first 5mins of conversing with me if not the first 5sec they see me. smh

somebody told me its bc of the clothes i wear. i say bullshit. i get more attention in sweats and a hoodie. there is no hiding my ass.

If i wear a short dress, im just showing off my legs. low cut shirt its the B cups. Jeans & Tee?? hell regular lookin ass. baggy clothes. whatever.. i still get attention. my clothes dont make or break me. you're stupid.

you see me; you wanna fuck. i get it.

Lesson Learned

Im tired of being asked why im single. Like i've said before, its not like i meet guys everyday. smh. Is it wrong for me to have some guy friends who Im not even interested in like that? Just because I think that he may possibly like me it does NOT mean that he wants to be with me or that I want to be with him.

If i were to be with every guy who likes me I'd be unhappy because I don't have mutual feelings of attraction towards them. Is it my fault? NO! Not at all. I've eased up on my list or requirements but I wont just say yes to someone because I dont want to be single. Im not desperate. smh

I dont like being single but i mean why is it my fault that nobody is quite right for me?? I know i've been single for awhile but damn.. I try lol.

If there is any lesson I've learned its that just because your friends can fall in love and be in a relationship with a guy they started out purely physical with doesnt mean you'll have the same luck. "why buy the cow..."

Insecurities

I wish my skin was evenly toned. It irks me I have spots on my cheek, forehead and chin. I would never wear foundation if i didnt have those irky marks. Im always breaking out on my chin and forehead tho. smh.. i scrub my face soo hard until its red all over and i look like im sunburnt.. it never seems to be clean enough. you stupid white heads. and the skin products dont improve my skin.. just makes it worse.. ugh. curse you gabrielle union with your flawless evenly toned skin. and mother with your flawless skin.

I wish the gap between my two front teeth would go away again. I tried to get braces but i couldn't. Why? Because I'd end up with spaced out or stacked teeth for years and years all to close ONE gap that isn't even a MM wide. I know its there tho. It closed up for a good two yrs and just came back recently. wtf? I hate it. I really do.

I wish I could get rid of the stretch marks on my hip and ass. Reminds me that regardless of how skinny i get, those bitches will always be there. Its not my fault that Im juicy fruit. I dont know how i got them. they just popped up one day. I even considered getting tat'd over it. smh

I wish i could get rid of the fat around my belly. I wish I could control my eating and work out more. I wish I wish I wish.. I'll keep the ass and thighs and cellulite if only the tummy would go away. thats all..

I wish i didnt have to straighten out my kinky curls. I love my fro but i dont like how fat my face looks now so im straightening it out bc of my own insecurities. my fro is beautiful.. I love my coils. I just dont like that I look more chubby with my fro =[

These Two are So Gay...

There's alot that I just dont understand at times. Two different guys.. both are proving that they are indeed sooo gay. ugh. FML

It's you; You always seem to come back at the oddest times. wtf is up with you?? ughh One minute you're like "i love you & i know you love me... Why don't you move in with me rent free?" & then i look at your facebook a couple of hours later and i see you're in "LOVE" with your girlfriend too. Hmmm i mean, feed me those lines boy. Ironically enough you changed your relationship status AFTER i said i didn't wanna shack up. Its cool tho. I will still be in LA with or without your free rent offer.

and then there is YOU. you know who. you complain about not being able to see me for soo long and when im finally within five miles of your residence, you want to pick a fight. you want to be a bitch. you want to be the ass that you are. Like wtf I look like going to the movies with you when I have to buy MY ticket, DRIVE myself there and back, pick out the movie.. I mean damn, why are you even there?? I can easily go to the movies by myself if im gonna have to pay and drive anyways. thats the ONLY reason why you were asked. i dont like driving.

Its just so annoying with you because the issue of money always seems to come up. I have never asked you for MONEY unlike other girls. Also unlike those other chicks, i refuse to buy you shit either. Maybe that is the problem. If you want me to pay for your company I might as well have one thats finer than you. Hell if ima pay, ima make it worthwhile...

Sunday, December 6, 2009

brenda's got a baby

i straightened my hair today. dont have a cow now.. just flat iron'd it. got tired of the fro. trust she will be back again sooner than you think. I just had to iron out the kinks of my life metaphorically so i ironed out the kinks in my hair literally. You really dont know the day i've had.

I had a feeling that I should get married and have a kid. Oookay so the forced proposal went nowhere but i did find a hand full of guys who were willing to impregnate me RIGHT now. Hmm funny.

I cant even find a movie date let alone a guy whose willing to be in a monogamous relationship with me but I can finda plent of dudes who want to be the father of my unfertilized little egg. REally now?!

What has the world come to?? AM i that bad of a person?? can't even get a date.. but a baby? wow. my life sucks.

A Nigga That Held On N *Yawwwn*

I cried today. Not like real tears.. but the worst kind of crying when you are so torn up inside that your body cant even produce a tear or utter a sound. Yea that's exactly how I was. Men always make me forget how strong I am when they play with my emotions. Maybe not even "play" with my emotions, but just tug at my heart strings. Okay maybe not really "tug" at my heart strings but have me open up. I can't open up because being hurt scares me. It never fails; everytime I am completely open my heart begins to break. Its crumbling as I type this.

WHY? you ask...

Well.. there was this guy, you know THAT guy. I was trying to be whatever he wanted me to be. Do whatever he wanted me to do.. Just so I could be "one with him". Hmmm.. Well after all these years I've realized taht we are still at this same place. I have to let go sometimes.. but its so hard to. I love him. He loves me (he says so at least..) but we can't be together. We never will. Ugh. Don't play with my emotions. Make a commitment or else.

I could be that girl who physically forces a guy to put a ring on it but I mean it isn't worth it if he still wants to go out and cheat. Age doesn't mean shit. It'll never change.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

My Loves :)

i miss alan. i can say his name because im real like that. lol.. followers like me for my "blunt ass tweets". I can't help but to speak my mind.

And yes I miss Alan. I only saw him ONE time while visiting but it was well worth it. Everything else doesn't matter.

I really like him. I'd do alot for him-- just not ANYTHING.

Ugh if only things were different.

I really enjoyed my time with Meg & Jam.. Mainly Meg. Jam was with her boo lol.. While i was third wheeling with Meg & Demi..

We had a blast.

Thanksgiving dinner. Tequila. Margaritas.. nasty ass liquor/rum.. white wine. Bowling. Movies. Just genuine fun. Maybe i slept most of the week away but i reallly did miss my bitches. I love Megan. She's my girl for life. I'm always gonna be there for her. :)

God mother to her first born. bridesmaid. alllll of that. :)

So now taht I have to leave, its all bitter sweet.

Its good knowing that regardless if Im around the corner or across the country, we will still be "cool". Thats what you call a TRUE friend.

I may not have a LOT of those but the ones I have are pretty darn great. Im lucky. You should be jealous. :)

I LOVE ATL :)

Losers.

Im always in awwwkward situations. like tonight. lap dances?? umm excuse me.. how old are we now?? im 21. i dont need a lap dance from a frat guy just to get the "party" started. I just came down to socialize. If i KNEW this was the way this was gonna end up, trust i'd stayed on that orange couch and called it a DAY. ANYWHO--- Im really not a fan of guys touching on my ass and shit.. and i DONT like kissing. eww.

His lb was like ur not into this are you?? NOPE. Not at all..

Then he asked me why did i come?? like just to see you.. guess i was WRONG. ughhh.


I just hate guys. Boys. smh ima keep my game face on. said i neverr wanted to "fuck" him. hmm. well this MAY be true.. but yeahh. Ima keep this short & say you are sooo GAY.

"you see, u ppl will learn that i am NOT impressed by letters on your jacket. if i wanna rub on a dick, i have plentyy to choose from"

"i know im single and all but damn, NOT desperate.. smh. Bored-- VERY but i dont need to rub on a dick or get kissed on by guys i dnt like"

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Beyonce "Video Phone" feat Lady Gaga





So of course I have to review Beyonce's new music video to one of my favorites from the I Am... Sasha Fierce album, "Video Phone" featuring Lady Gaga.

First, I'm glad this video is bright with VIVID colors unlike her last five videos which have been muted or black&white.
The strut is killer in the opening sequence. Get it Bey!!
blonde bang & shades a lil rihannaish but still fly..
i think its cool how the guys heads are camera lenses and keep zoomin in & out of her- artistically different..

okay she is channeling her inner Queen. This is a classic gay man move "Leyomi ABDC.." & strippers do it too. the swing pony tail thingy bounce.. (1:00 mark)
She's such a texas girl :)
You see how intense her roll pops are?? thats how you keep ya man girlllll....

(1:43) Upgrade you video flashback minus JayZ.. she looks thinner too. All that touring has thinned Bey DOWN..

(2:02) This is the classic club move.. if any of my girls know bout that rump shaker move. You gotta do this on a guy. kills em. very easy.. especially if you have backs/cakes.. or just know how to rock that thang :)

I don't get why she has these toy guns tho. A lil awkward.. not needed. i hate this part

Lady Gaga's verse is a bit weak. I was expecting some pokerface/paparazzi/just dance-ish lyrics. guess not. ( Hubba Hubba?! REally bitch? uh uh... try again)

She looks pale and skinny next to Bey.. she's trying to dance it out tho. Nice effort. Kinda cute..
B-/C+

Bey shoulda had me in the video with her. I woulda KILLT IT!!!

catch that snide remark Bey threw @ gaga "turn you into a star i got it like that" in her JayZ face whilst glancin at Gaga?? okay just me huh...
(2:55) tiddy grab. *giggles*

I like how Gaga is doing her best Beyonce impersonation tho. Still i can do it better :)

Great video. I like it. Bey is just doing classic grind moves & showing you why Jay is with HER & not some groupie chick-- cuz Bey got it LIKE that..

"cuz when i miss yo call i hit you RIGHT back.." Jay has that ACT RIGHT (ahem listen to Teairra Mari's song by the same title. Good music.. i promise :)

Friday, November 13, 2009

A loserish ass ninniepoo

I hate that I have to do this but its the only way i can keep my sanity. & the last three ounces of my pride. Yes welcome to my pity party. :)

Anywho Im really upset at myself for actually thinkin that I could be with him. lol. shame on bee. I knew better. I know better.

It will be easy to get over you.. just kind of hard to get over the sex. Bc lets face it.. thats ALL we really had regardless of what you said. I mean.. I thought it was more.. but i was wrong. Boy was I wrong.


20% is what he found in me that was lacking in his relationship. I knew that. I wasn't dumb. But yeahh fell victim to the "what ifs" & "just maybes"

She's just a consolation prize Im sure (i hope =/) since i wont be near him he thinks.

oh well. Move on.

a loserish ass nigga. a loserish ass ninniepoo

Time to be your 21 again..

It has been quite some time since i last decided to blog my heart away... You guys KNOW I "be goin thru some thangz" lol.

Ok so lets get down to the bigger picture. What alllll you guys expect from me-- BRUTAL HONESTY. Lets start with niggas. Dumb ass niggas trying be.. the resurrection of the once defunct relationship/"thing" with 21-- who by the way is now 26... smh.

He relays a message to the informant that he has a new # & would love for me to call.. Of course I do! (what can I say... I cant help it. I get lonely sometimes =) All I say is hello and he instantly knows its ME. Hmmmmm... We chop it up & I get the infamous "Do you miss me?" question and i say yes like a dumbass. He then says he wants to see me (blah blah blah) & needs me to refresh his memory which to me means he wants to woohoo. Anywhoo, I finally grill his ass and ask him about his new relationship.. Umm ok. Lets just say that his old ass refers to his new girl as just someone who he is "talkin" to. Im like dude, you are a grown ass man- either you are together or you aint-- there is no middle ground. Its not HS where you have to lie to ur parents & say that ur not dating when u know u are! ughh. annoyance major.

I can not believe that 5/6 years have passed & he is still in the same spot. When I was 15 I thought he was the SHIT. He had a nice car. Good job. Well dressed. Hell yes he was that nigga. I was dumb & naive. Blinded by his age-- you know Jude/Alexz had that song "Time to be your 21" so i was like yeahh its our song once he turned 21..

But Im a tad bit smarter than I once was.. & I look at the shit he's saying now versus the shit he told me then. I believed it all then-- Not now. Umm I know its pretty serious with you and your new girl if you LIVE together-- she's met your kid & you've met hers. She felt the need to inform me that you two were together. Umm yeah you're not talking, you're TOGETHER. smh.

dumb ass niggas.. funny how i will always end up in these stupid ass situations. lol

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Sober as hell

Im slipping on the blogging... I've been too busy getting me and my LIFE back together :) I need to fix some flaws in the plan and begin anew.. Its too much going on in the world today for me to be complacent. Time for me to move on from all things bad.

I rarely drink now. Its weird that I'm 21 and can LEGALLY drink but I choose not too. I haven't been drunk since I turned 21. How strange. This doesn't mean I haven't had a drink or two.. lol I just haven't been tipsy or drunk ass hell :)

Thats all for now..

Saturday, September 19, 2009

I have to let you go..

I know I should let you go. but i cant. i really tried to but i didnt succeed.
I want to believe that if i stay around things will eventually be in my favor. I want to believe that everything that I have to say will matter to you. I want to believe that I could be with you. but I know thats not possible.

I have to wake up. I have to be smart. I have to let you go. I've tried for months. Still not successful.

I just wanted to kiss you. I just wanted to hug you. I just wanted to breathe in the same air as you breathe and see my reflection in your eyes. I just wanted to be in your arms all night. i just wanted for you to be what I wanted you to be. WITH me.

but thats not possible. I have to grow up. Just be a friend i suppose.

Hmmmmm...

i can never say how i really feel about certain people.
its been that way for years now.. I can't help it.

different guy, same outcome.
the blueprints hardly ever change.
it will always be this way.
he will always be that guy who started out as a friend..
but now i like way more than a friend..
but we cant be anything more than just friends..

and i hate that i let the friend boundaries get blurred
and i hate that i still care about this dumb shit.

i really dont know what i was thinking.
i always do this.
same story, different guy.

not really same story.. but always different guy.
same situation, different babe.

i call you my love, because i care so much.. not love you. i just like you alot..
and i wish that one day i could love you.

oh fuck it.

it has to be lust.
i dont think you like me, like me like Lila & Arnold lol
i just think you like my body.
and the things i say.
sometimes..
i still dont think you "like" me though.
ughh aww poor bee..

i know they're all saying that-
"she's always single"

yeah thats true to .

"she'll never find a man"

yupp probably wont.

oh well.

where's my tequila? lets beat the sobriety outta thus sullen mess.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Legal.

Im 21. Actually it doesn't feel that grand. Maybe because I haven't really celebrated it.. Im sober. I can't believe certain people umm "forgot" but we'll deal with them another time. Like I was so excited for their birthdays but when my special day comes you can't even send a text?? Not ONE text? NOTHING? Did you really forget?? Im kind of happy this happened.. At least my real friends didn't forget. Im sooo over these losers. Im done with the rants..

I just know who is in my corner with me. I like it this way..

All the times you called me crying about bullshit and I sat there and listened for hours-- and you can't even call or text to say TWO words. Happy Birthday. Happy Bday.. NOTHING..

lol. soo typical.

im over it.


you'll need me soon. im not dealing with you anymore. my brother was right. should have listened. over it..

peacee.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Dear You..

I like him. He has a girlfriend [still!].

He likes me I suppose but Im sure he loves her. You can't compete with that L word.

I mean, I get mad when he does things like he is "my man" until I realize that he is NOT my man and I should back the fuck up.

I cant help it though. I like him. I speak my mind. I really like him.
Im writing this for him of course.. I wish they'd just break up already. I dont know if he'd be with me though... I would have cut a chick like me by now.. lol

I liked him before I reallly liked him. lol.. he read/reads my blogs. How cute. Nobody reads this shit but me. He listens to my crazy ramblings.. Oh well..

Maybe it should have just stayed in the friend lane..

Im sure it should have just stayed in the friend lane.. but we crossed it and now i must deal with the consequences..

Let it be known that I was crushing on him wayyyy before we crossed those lines. Woohoo just complicated things..

but this is for you. I hope you enjoy it. I like you alot.. That wont stop even if you do piss me off from time to time.

Birthday sex

I've never had sex on my birthday.. and I dont have any desire to either.. Im like this, Even tho the song just kinda came out, birthday sex will never replace a gift.. thats just for all you cheap pervs.. umm i can sex anyday.. jst bc its my bday doesn't make it any more special.. unlesss im gettin paid and that makes it prostitution soo no go.

Im not picky. I'll take any gift. Im gracious for all that give me something become you dont have to.. A card is sufficient.

But dont try to give me sex. Are you gonna do something different during sex or something?? cuz ive pretty much had all of the great things done to me. nothing you can do that'll blow my mind.

sex isn't something new to me i jsut experienced last night.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

boys boys boys

I haven't wrote in weeks i guess. Lets get it in. Ahem-

Soo I've realized that I have a type that I always attract. The ex football player whose now a business major or wants to be a sports agent/sports writer/sports therapist whatever.. a coach or something involved with athletics.. like a trainer. lol.. OR he is the rapper/producer/singer who thinks that I can sing.. cuz i "look" like i can sing & they want me on a track.. umm sure..

Or he's just plain crazy. emotionally unstable. like they look to me for a counselor.. i can't help you emotionally baby smh


thats all i have to say. i have horrible taste in men.. g'night.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Riri 3.4


When i'm bored.. I take pics with my lil sister. This time we decided to wear bright red lipstick. Now you know i'm a bit slow with makeup trends.. I'm still into heavy eyeliner & mascara ONLY.. maybe a lil foundation if we're going out and always CARMEX-- lipgloss only on "special" occasions. So yes. lipstick?? Worn it like 3 times my whole life. I kinda like it.. Idk if i can wear it daily but you know.. Felt like channeling my inner rhianna. I'm obviously WAYYYYY more curvier than she is but what can i say.. I feel her. lol

Sunday, August 9, 2009

3 little words.

i love listening to love songs. ive never been in love though.
I only imagine how it would feel for a girl like me to be in love.
I never really heard the words, you know those three words, from a guy who really meant it.
I mean, a few have uttered it but I don't believe them.
I remember HE said it during sex.. but i think he meant to say IT instead of YOU.
Then he said it-- college. freshman year. Well maybe he meant it.. hmmm..
We were arguing. I was going off about something as always. Running my mouth.
I was upset.. I just wanted to leave. Too much too soon of course.
But then he grabbed he my face and turned it towards his.
He looked deeply into my eyes, I stared back into his.
And then he said it. Those three words.
It caught be by surprise.
I didnt know just what to say or how to react or what to do.
should i say it back?
Should i just stare at him?
should i just cry.
I really wanted to cry.
Too much too soon.
I said it back just to keep his feelings under wraps.
I didn't mean it. I liked him. Not that other word.
He didn't mean it, i thought.
but im sure he did..
I wonder if he still does..
I wonder if he still cares..
I wonder if i ever will.. you know.
say those three words & mean it.

Friday, August 7, 2009

oh.



This is why people scream "Oooh your hair would be sooo pretty if you just flat iron it out or something.." So I straighten my bangs and they say, "OOh you got GOOOOD hair!! I aint know you had hair like that" cuz you know the fro looks vicious :)



So I do this to show that yes. My bangs are pretty. Thats about it. I prefer the fro... Why? Because Its impossible for the back to get straight. I mean it will but it looks shitty. Busted. and NOT silky. Even though only a cowash and skinny serum is on my head daily. smh YOu want proof? well take a gander. You see this? Its all one big poof. Humidity hates curly hair. I use sooo many products to get it to LAY down but it just sticks STRAIGHT up when I flat iron or press. I do a curl? Well this is the curl. STRAIHT up, LIFTED roots, then curled ends. At least I have body.






This is why i prefer the fro. :)

no style.




Everyone always tells me I have to look "fierce" now that i have my frohawk. Like dress the part. Umm Do you want me to dress like my hair. I'm talkin Olsen twins ish. Or some african ish. Idk. I dont care. clothes dont excite me. Nothing excites me. but paint does. I love it. I wish i could make my own clothes. Tomorrow I'm wearing a Brittney original. No glitz or anything. Just something that I like to wear. My dress. My ish. My style. Not something that somebody else says is hot. Ummm i have no reason to walk around Huntsville like I'm walking the streets of NY & LA where paparazzi is lurking. NOBODY is lookin for me. I wear my work clothes. Long shorts/jeans & a beater/plain shirt. Thats me. its comfy. I'm not here to impress everyone with my style. I dont want some guy to take me shopping. I dont care about clothes.. Everything that I see its not MY style. Fuck it. You want me to pretend ima superstar? I shall. Tomorrow. Mini dress. Big Shades. Juicy Fro. AND Boots in summer. Booooooyahh


I wasnt even trying to be like everyone with my frohawk. i just wanted my hair braided up.

I have to do something to it other than wear it ALLL over my head. smh oh well

B stands for Brittney






I don't do diddly at work. I just play. My favorite activity? Arts & Crafts!! Honestly just do whatever activity they do. Check em out. This is my B. Bee Book. LOVE the colors? I do.. Let me design your candles :)




This is a SELF portrait. I'm no artist

Some shit pisses me off. I was thinking bout all the bad stuff that happened to me when I was younger. And i tried to tell but i couldn't. Im still embarrassed to this day. Even though I know its common. Even though I know it happened to other ppl i know. It still hurts me.

I know its the reason why I can't move on. I probably won't ever. I'm going to tell somebody though.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Unpretty

you wanna know what i hate?

when dark skin girls proclaim that they are treated worse than Light skin girls with long hair to the point where they began to hate on every chick who is lighter and has hair that is past her shoulders.

Dear Dark skin girls: quit blaming light skin ppl for your own insecurities. just because lil wayne likes em long hair thick & redbone doesn't mean you have to hate on everyone who fits that criteria.

im sorry.. i just get mad at girls who claim that all light skin girls have an advantage over darker skin chicks..cuz we all know unattractiveness comes in ALL shades.

Its not that serious. If you think its unfair that you're dark, you have deeper insecurities than you know about.

You mad cuz you're bald? Buy some hair..

You wanna be lighter? Bleach your skin..

You mad cuz you not thick enough? Get you sum ass implants..

lol.. do it all. You better listen to Unpretty by TLC & shut the hell up. I do not want to hear the same sob story that "guys/celebrities prefer the exotic or lighter skinned girls with long hair.." so you're left out. poooey.

Shit is old. played out. i dont care.

guys are attracted to me.. and i'm a brown skinned girl with a tiny afro.

its not because you're dark.. its because you're ugly.

ice cream sundae

I've became celibate without even trying. Not like i'm craving anything now. I knew everything would be possible if i just TRIED. It feels good to know that I can follow my own rules. Im not against cuddling anymore. It can be very good at times to have that little bit of intimacy without having to go ALL the way.. or even to third base. Just enjoying that embrace.. Yeah thats nice.


I dont really have a crush right now.. Hmm. Interesting. But of course I do talk to my guys. Ahhh I think I should have more GAL pals now. Genuine girls tho, not these [beeeeeeep]s from the past.
Oh yeah, i work for the BGC of Walker County. I normally do arts & crafts. Dodgeball ONLY when some lil kid pisses me off. I LOVE hitting a child in the head. Makes me feel giddy inside ;)

I'm so creative. I gave my kids a project. We made Ice cream sundaes & popcorn out of construction paper :)

Bald & Beautiful


Since i've been working at the BGC, alot of peopel have asked me the big question: "WHY...?" You know the why dont you get a perm? Why dont you get weave? Why did you cut it? Why wont you do this.. that? You know THOSE questions.. and sometimes I just wanna say FUCK it. I'm tired of giving an explanation as for WHY i chose to do something to MYSELF that at the time just seemed to be a natural step. I didn't think about it. I just did it. I act on impulse. I mean I have reasoning behind it but I'm not trying to be SOMETHING.


I feel Solange soo much. She just cut her damn hair off because she FELT like it. Its JUST hair. If you shave/cut it you're trying to be like Cassie.. or Rihanna. Or Amber Rose. Personally I could care less about hair. I'm tired of wasting SO much money going to get my hair relaxed or pressed & curled when I could have been a wash-n-go girl like i am now. Solo Do you girl. Rock your baldness. Embrace your beauty. blahhh.
Oh & dnt get it twisted i LOVE Rihanna. this bitch is just too effin hot. & Amber Rose. You can't hate on her. gotta love it.

Ew. Hell no.

I've been outta the loop. really thought of what to write & what i'd title this but u know.. things change. i took nudies of myself. feel like releasing them to up my celebrity status that i dnt have, you know thats all us women want these days.


i keep attracting dumb ass dudes. which is a MAJOR turn off. ppl say im too hard on guys which may be true.. and at times i do come off KIAish.. (know.it.all) but thats just how i am. mmkay so lemme tell u bout THIS nigga. & i say nigga cuz of the foolery he has spewed out. mmkay.


so last night we were outside conversing & he was really boring me so when the conversation goes dry, i try to spice it up by asking simple questions just to see where his head is at. the question was something along the lines of: "do you ever look up at the sky and wonder.. how big is space? how much "space" does space actually fill up? Does it ever end.." his response.


"Thats not my swag. I don't believe in fairy tales and dreams.."


now you know he got serious side eye action & a WOW.. ok. which means "ur such an idiot in bee liguistics. Who in the fuck doesn't believe in dreams?? And asking a simple question about the WORLD is categorized as REAL life. Have u never wondered why the sky is blue? My students (5&6) have more intriguing and stimulating conversations than HE SMH. Oh yeah, thats HIM. As you can see he has no real "swag" (i loathe that word.. i rather say personality & style) ok so he has no personality or style. soo wtf?! i mean, he was never my type to begin with.. wannabe goon & such but u know me, always giving ppl the chance to prove how stupid they are. all i need is 10mins & i know how you are. You see my face? yeah thats the face i give questionable persons. Maybe you know him.. Hahaha. call me paparazzi Bee. :)
The moral to this SAD story is.. Intelligence is the key to my heart :)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Last Night.

I'm laying on the couch watching King of the Hill & texting one of the new buds. As I am about to respond to a very SERIOUS question ;) My phone rings & look who it is: Ex Con. Ugh. I had been ignoring his calls ALL day so this was a bit much. For one, it was like 430am.. So of course he asks the usually questions you ask when you don't know what to talk about-- and soon states that he wants to come see me. I say, Come see me & do what? Clearly it has to be sexually related if a guy wants to see you early morning/late night. He says just to talk & to see if i'm really "ready for him". Excuse me sir- the line "you not ready for me" only worked in High school on silly girls who believe anything a dumb dumb says. Mmmkay. So where was I? Oh yeah so I said umm anyways.. He asks if I'm tired cuz I sound it- No, My back hurts.. He then says "well if i come over I can fix that.." Now see, I'm skilled in lines and deciphering what they mean so I automatically knew in the back of my head what he would say- he'd give a massage. So as I'm rolling my eyes I ask "How?".. Guess what this nigga says; "With whipped cream". Hell no. After about 10secs of simply chuckling, I say Boy Bye & hang up. WHAT a lame..

Ms. Type

Took a Quiz and got some answers.. idk. Whatever. enjoy

Ms. Second Place allows herself to be put in second place to everything else in her man's life. She may be second to his wife, his career, or his friends. She isn't a priority, she knows it, and she lives with it. She has forgotten what a special person she is, so she thinks she has to settle for second, when she deserves first place.

Ms. Sex Machine settles for physical and sexual intimacy when what she really wants is a relationship and emotional intimacy. She uses sex as a weapon to manipulate men and get what she wants (except a relationship!). She thinks she has to give away her most prized possession to buy a man's love and attention, when all she needs to do is allow her great personality to shine, and men will want to know more.

Ms. Soul Mate believes that life doesn't exist outside of dating so she wants every man she dates to be "the one." She doesn't know how to just enjoy dating a man while it lasts, and admit when there isn't a future for the relationship. One day she will find "the one." She just needs to take her time and wait for a man who is deserving of her love and commitment.

Ms. Bag Lady carries around a load of emotional "baggage" and she lets her old emotions adversely affect her new relationships. She let's her unresolved problems from the past ruin her present and future. Because she's been treated so poorly, she doesn't realize how wonderful and deserving of love she truly is.

Ms. Independent has been burned in love before so she won't let anyone get close to her for fear of getting hurt again. She would rather be alone than risk rejection. When she realizes that letting her guard down doesn't mean being taken advantage of, she can allow her inner light to shine, and men will flock to it.

why am i single?

So this was a topic on twitter. Why am I single? Is it simply because I choose to be or are there some qualities about me that make me too undesirable to be with? Food for thought I guess..

I know what My faults are.. Well some of them.

Sometimes I really do believe I think too much like a man. I even act like a Man towards Men. I emasculate them.. Thats why I'm single.

You must let a man be a man they say.. but I can't be a submissive woman. I refuse to cater to a person who thinks I'm beneath him.

I try so hard to prove that I'm a strong black woman and that I can do ANYTHING a man can do (which I can.. just show me once)

Sometimes I want a man but the reasons are purely physical.. woohoo. Other times i just need that companion.. What a tangled web I weave..

Or maybe I am just too crazy. Too much. I think too highly of myself. I do have a chip on my shoulder. I do think I'm the shit.

That's why I'm single.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Fuckery.

Some shit just pisses ME off. Can't believe i shed a stupid lil tear. I swear.. You should make up your mind. Oh wait.. your mind is already made up. Hahaha.. They're alll the same when dealing with me. Ugh. Fuckery. I might as well just be ME now. I was being nice to you.. and everyone else. Guess everybody wants to see the bitch. Well you got her.

Fuck you. Who?! Everybody like you... and you. Especially you. I can not wait to wake up from this bullshit & smell the cherry bombs. Get a stiff drink. Light up. & Burn everything that reminds me of you. Belongs to you. I love fire. Yes I'm gonna have a burn party.. You're ALL invited ;)

wooooooo sahhhhhh

If you know me, you'd expect me to say this. It happens every year around this time. I try so hard to do the right thing.. but I just NEVER make it to the "right" side. I'm a rebel by nature. I may not be the most religious person but I am a Believer. I believe that I am here on this Earth for a purpose and that I'm supposed to live my life to standards that I don't always live up to.

With that being said.. I've been pondering about a situation for quite some time. Alot has been going through my little brain. I asked for a sign.. A signal to the right direction and I think I've found it. I know I saw the sign. It came as a surprise but right when I needed it nonetheless. I just wanted to know what I should be doing. If this path was right for me. I now know what I need to do. Its time to say goodbye.

I've been holding on to the past with dear life. I was trying to find that girl who got lost along the way.. I thought that by going back I would pick her up & start again. Wrong. That girl has moved on.. I just haven't caught up with her yet. I wanted to be the same. I didn't want things to change. I just wanted to be Happy. In my eyes happiness came with this sense of getting that back. All the long I should have just let it go.

Ahhh I really feel a bit more free right now. I have to do what is best for me. I have to face the music. I have to move on. It sucks but it is true. I'm not going to lie.. I still feel alone but I'm hoping that by me doing what I know is right some peace of mind will come along with it. I want to be happy but its not easy to be happy..

Have you ever tried to be happy.. forcing a smile on your face?? I told myself that I was going to embrace a change and move on but I can't.. I haven't. This really sucks. I don't know how to be me anymore. Everyone expects soo much. Perfection is not ME. I was never that girl.. I know I have to move on. I said I was moving on. But when you spend so much time on THAT you really don't know how to be You without IT.

Ahhhh. I just need to release these dragons. Breathe. Let it go. Ride it out... WOOOOOOOOO SAHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Grown UP ish.. smh



I have a weave. I just wanted to see how my hair would look long & wavy. I like it. Easy to manage now.. The fro takes work. No, this doesn't mean that I'm not gonna rock my Frolicious anymore!! I love her. She is still there.. Under there. Waiting to be released :) Everyone knows i get really bored EASILY. I just like 2 switch things up a bit. So look at my round head. My wet n wavy weave. Enjoy. :)


Anywho, I'm in a weird state of mind. I'm frustrated of course. The last time i woohoo'd was.... EXACTLY.


I mean.. I have no one right now. Not even a buddy. I like the no woo hoo aspect but then again I still need a buddy. Not like a buddy buddy but a new team of guy friends ;) Like I really don't know why i can't just settle for less. Woops. Thats what I get for THINKING. & having standards.


The only guy that I kind of liked this summer has a girlfriend. The other guy is entirely a sour puss. Okay not really a sour puss but just too freakin goody goody for me. Like he is the exact opposite of me. I'm too much of a free spirit for him I suppose. Plus they all think im crazy..


It all hit the fan last night when I saw this guy i graduated with. He made sure to flash me his engagement ring & show me his 9 month old son. I really feel like the whole world is moving forward and i'm still ME. I haven't changed. That's why I change my hair so much. I want to grow too. I'm forcing a change on myself. I don't want to be the same old Bee. I want to be a grown up too =/


The whole plan is screwed up. I had it set. Graduate in 2011. Married in 2013. Kids by 2017. I've pretty much planned my wedding. I know where we're going to stay. I have looked at real estate. I had a plan. That plan just isn't gonna work. Ahh. It sucks but.. I'll make it work i suppose.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Fabalicous

Hello, My name is Bee and I am not a mixed girl. I do not have "good" hair. I have FABULOUS hair. I am no vegan, peta supporting, incense burning, pro-Black, hippie retro mama but I did decide that NO more relaxing was the way to go.

It really pisses me off when I hear the term good hair. What is good hair? Mixed girl hair? White girl hair? Relaxed hair? Store bought hair? Please let me no. For the longest I always considered My hair my crown & glory. It was what set me apart from other black girls.. Unlike them, I had a pony tail that swung when i walked. I had hair that MOVED. All of the silly things I thought made me better than everyone else really set me BEHIND.

Now I'm natural. What is natural hair? Natural hair means that your hair has not been chemically altered aka no perm,relaxer.. chemical fire cream crack.. lol whatever. Me. I'm proud to say that i have NO permed/relaxed hair left in my head. Its ALLLL me. My God Given locks of glory :)
Yes! This is all me :) This isn't my hair styled. Just what happens after I co-wash and air dry (only 3hrs inside.. 1hr out) If i pick it out its a tad bit bigger. Paul Mitchell's skinny serum is AWESOME. No frizzie puff. Its actually quite lustrous looking. Oh and guess what?! I cant wait until i get to wear my big fro. Its absolutely FAB!!! New pics tomorrow of it styled and what not.. the infamous FRO-hawk and Fro-dette. :)

No worries. I'm not against relaxers. & I will have a weave soon.. Only because I wanna see how i'll look with big poufy weave before my hair grows out :) Yay Bee!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Cuddles.

I'm not a big fan of cuddling. I kind of hate it. I have to really like you to do it. I've had bad experiences with cuddling. One time this guy fell asleep whilst we were cuddling. Ask me why he drooled on my chest. ew.. MY BARE chest!! eeeeeek!!! I dont like drool on me. & then he just wiped it off and it just smeared and he said my bad.. Um gross. Yeah so I never cuddled with him again.

Another time I was in bed. My bed. I rolled over in my sleep and he punched me in my nose!! Ouch. Yeah. Never again I said I was gonna cuddle with him.

But I must admit sometimes I do enjoy cuddling with a guy.. Other times I need my space. Its sooo hot & body heat makes things even worse. I just like to be by myself. My own space. Chillen by myself.. Unfortunately some guys want to cuddle.

The next guy I cuddle with I'll tell him I love him. Lol. It gets that serious.

I haven't had any contact with the opposite sex in quite some time. I'm kind of liking this. My buds have texted & tweeted & fbook'ed quite alot tho.

Thats pretty much it. Sorry if you were expecting something else. Just a cuddling story.

.... Untitled?

I realized that my father is just a lover of long hair & really hates that I cut all this shit off. I can't please everyone with my hair.. And if you know, you would have figured out by now that I am a big rebellious bitch who does thing just because people say I should not or won't look good with it.

The initial cut came after everyone said I wouldn't look right with a short cut. Boo. I can pull anything off. I did it & i looked fab. Next stop was just to let it grow out.. it grew quite quickly. Had to get it cut and shaved in January.. No perm since nov. Sooo eventually my hair got to a point where my flat iron wasn't doing shit but pressin my curls down. So now I rock my fro.

My Hair is very weird. My edges are really smooth & soft.. Not nappy like my new growth used to be.. but now that i think about it, my edges were never rough when I had relaxers. Its the middle thats the most coiled & hard to manage. I have sooo many corkscrew curlers back there. ridiculoso. And the front and sides are just wavy. Can't wait until I get more length. No worries the cam will be up and working by friday. NEW pics!!!

Plus the buddy wants to see new pics of me :) Yess I'm still crushing. Ahhh If I was a cuddler, he would be my cuddle buddy.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Sober Slumber Part One

Today I was bored. I woke up feeling rather odd & almost believed that I had died in my sleep. That sensation only lasted a minute. Eyes still closed I fumbled through my pillows until I found my sleeping baby. My cell. Quickly looked at it to see who had tried to contact me during my slumber. No one. Rubbed my eye & peeled away the remnants of sleep that still remained. Stumbled out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. Nobody was home.. but me. Called mother to find out where my family was. Maybe I was dead. Maybe death is just YOU bein in the world alone?? Luckily she answered. I Knew I wasn't dead. Whew. Mother told me that my family all spent the night away from home. Only I was there. What do I do? Watch a movie? No..

Nothing is on that I want to see. Decided to clean. Those dishes have been in the sink since yesterday evening. The lazy fuckers who live here refused to clean up. Ten blue cups layed stacked on top of each other. A black pot that still had dried up grits inside. Ew. I hate dirty dishes. So many blue bowls were there too. I was utterly astonished at how there are no kids in this house yet its disgusting. Ahh.. So I buckled down and washed ALL the dishes. Even those I didn't dirty up. Only for my mother. She shouldn't have to come home and clean up after a house full of grown fuckers. Of course I was awarded for my cleaning up. Mother says Im the only one who helps her. I didn't do it for the awardment later. I just got tired of having a dirty kitchen.

Mother informed me that Aunt Janie is hosting a candle party later on this evening. I felt like getting pretty for it. My first time going to Houston in a few weeks. I pulled out the white dress I altered. It once was a past the knee joint I wore for orientation during the white dress ceremony. I cut and sewed it into a cute mini dress. I added a black belt of course. Black is my favorite color. I washed my hair and fixed my frohawk. I only have two products in it right now. Gel. Old school gel. The type thats brown/black and wet.. And my trusting curl moisturizer that has a faint after smell. Now it is gone. Whew. While dressing, guy friend texted. He got drunk the night before. I wonder why he abruptly stopped the texting. I realize that I haven't had alcohol since May. Am I trying to stop drinking??

After I got dressed, I ate some left over tacos. I always feel like I'm Mexican when I eat their cuisine. The cup of kool-aid made me feel black again. Once my meal was finished I began to twitter. Interesting conversations commenced. I always wonder things & state my inquiries via the web. One stood out. Sex. Of course thats me. My followers hate me because I flood the walls. Sorry people. Unfollow me if you don't it. I only want to know why oral sex isn't considered real sex. You can get STDs from Oral. I think I've written too much. This is just a recollection of my morning.. & the start of my day.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Guess I'll See Ya Next Lifetime..

Of course I have the hugest crush on a guy.. And he has a girlfriend. Womp womp. How obvious that I would want someone else man candy. I can't help it. We talk all day EVERY day. Each day I learn something new about him & he about me. It's like we're weirdly connected in some way.

While having a random conversation he asked me where I wanted to live after graduation. Now i've thought of this before but could never figure it out.. But since I hate wearin coats & layers.. and I don't like sweating.. I need dry heat. So I chose Vegas. I visited. Loved that I walked the whole strip yet didn't sweat. Its always busy. Plus I won't have to worry about stupid grass. lol. Ironically enough that's where he wants to live. Weird. Then last night he texted and asked what I was doing.. I had just finished watching Horton Hears a Who on HBO. So did he..

Coincidence? I think NOT. I don't know anymore.. I like him. I can't have him. He's with her. Of course he has said that he would rather be with me or something close to that.. maybe that he would LIKE to be with me. Bleh..

I even told him myself that he'd never leave her. lol. I'm not stupid. He has history with her. That will overshadow any fun spontaneity and new adventures I bring. I can't help it. Guys always wonder how the grass is over here on my side but it never works. I'm like that free spirit that ppl say they want & need but in the end they settle on the one with the box'd in attitude. The normal girl. The typical woman.

I'm no sorority chick. I don't like being made up 24/7. I like rockin my fro. I could care less about what other's think about me.. I like watchin cartoons. I dont care about the nutritional value of my food. I wear oversized tshirts & cut off sweats most days. I'm a plain jane with extraordinary flare. I throw on some jeans and a tee & guys think I'm attractive. I dont try. I thought that by down playing the sex appeal dudes would stay back. Eh complete opposite. Maybe I should be the cookie cutter Spelmanite. Get long hair. And be flirty. Ahhh.. then i'll be that bland chick. the one like the other..

I talk shit to people.. and guys think i'm flirting. No i'm just a bitch. Then dudes always say you're not confident when i downplay their compliments. Im oozing with confidence. I just hate that everything that you say about my body is what i'm trying to change. You can only get attention for being curvy for so long. I've had an ass since birth. Dudes have called in big since Elementary. I kid you not. BP & Hammer. 1st grade. Music room. XTRA XTRA is what they called me. Bad asses.

Girls think that they want hips & thighs. Nice boobs. All that. The body i've been tryin to destroy by not workin out. Uh yeah. This shit sucks. Guys forget that you have a brain and are actually a pretty awesome woman bc of ur ass. That's why I talk shit. Hurt their feelings. & keep love far away. Bc in the end they're fallin in love with the exterior. Maybe i'll marry a blind man. At least I'll know he's listening to me and what i have to say..

And to that boy. Mister.. yeah. Im kinda over it now. He's lusting over me. He loves his girlfriend. Blah. They deserve each other. I can find better (wishful thinking..) Guess I'll see you next lifetime. (thanks erykah..)

Beautiful Nightmare

(I like that song title better than Sweet Dreams lol)

So as you can probably already tell.. I kind of have a love/hate relationship with Beyonce. Now I love her & I can get with just about anything she does but I am a true fan and will say when something is not up to par. I expect soo much more from her. Single Ladies was definitely the highlight from the album. Especially with the videos. After that they all became the same. Bey dancin in a leotard/black & white video/ maybe some gold colors accented. monotonous. Diva basically sucked. Ego wasn't much better. At least she changed the hair. But Sweet Dreams is different. I get it.. I still love Bey. She just needs a break. Have a kid with JayZ.. take a year off and come back & KILL it like she did the first album Dangerously In Love. That's my favorite album of hers actually. Can't you tell? Gift from Virgo is my anthem. And you probably hear it NOW :)

Now on to MY mind. I had the craziest dream that I got a toy.. It was a fake snake charming kit. Like you assembled it yourself. First was this big black tin.. you set the drum muslin over the top, and the lid.. Then u beat a drum.. but u were initially beating the drum holding the snake (fake & wooden ) & then I would beat the drums on my legs & the damn snake came after me.. I was near a pool and ran from it. The wooden snake chased me.. So i quit drumming. lol. so weird.. the thing bit me. Random as hell.. My aunt was takin pictures of me & i couldn't make the right face like i was trying to hard to look happy.

Then i woke up. Checked my phone to see if anyone texted while i was sleeping. Nope. "How I wish how I wish I could be with you right now..." el fin.

Monday, June 29, 2009

BET AWARDS

Orgasmic let down. Hot ass mess. Ghetto. SMH
Lets go from beginning to end.. Um too much profanity. We are honoring a LEGEND. Why are we cussing every three seconds? For a Michael Jackson tribute I expected way more and time after time were left wanting more.. After every commercial break I was anticipating something that just didn't come..

Like New Edition had the WORST performance. Singing was awful. They all sounded horrible. And then dude actually did a disgusting Tongue Flick?! Ew.. Like you're singing the jackson five! they were not disgusting in performances. So disrespectful. I felt bad for everyone over the age of 10 in the audience. Even Joe Jackson was there.. Don't do that in front of him!

Even my girl Beyonce.. Ok. That was the same performance from her concert. She sounded nice but I thought she was going to do an MJ tribute song.. Or perform Ego. Hell that is her current single.

Keri Hilson did awesome. I hate to admit that because I'm a die hard Bey STAN lmao. But its true. Miss Keri baby killed it. That was until the super awkward way she ended it.. Everybody was like what?! Are we supposed to join her? lmao. Idk. The MJ costuming was cute. Her mic work was awesome. She had to prove that she has evey right to be the best new artist..

On to Mr. Jamie Foxx. I thought he was going to be the host.. not just a headlining performer & MJ tributer. His jokes were lackluster. His performances were good though. Loved how he & Neyo worked together. Neyo killed it on the vocals though. I never realized how great his voice is. It really did remind me of Michael...

Monica & Keyshia Cole's performance was good.. solid. Preferred hearing Monica. I mean Monica outshined Keyshia..

The oldies were one of my favorites.. lol. Keith sweat.. still sounds the same. Guy. BelBivDevoe (BBD) of course were nice to see on stage expecially since I've gained a new love for the song Poison since it was played at every college function, step show,house party etc..

The O'Jays tribute was good as well. I just love good singers. Trey, Tyrese & Johnny Gill are just that.. Though Mr Gill is a bit old school himself.

Drake & Weezy. Oh my. Just awkwardly bad. I was like why is Drake sitting down?! He is not in a wheelchair in real life.. & even that shit rolled. (I later learnt he hurt his leg/ tore his ACL.. which i know is very painful so he gets a "better luck next time") & then those lil girls on stage & ish. You know that was Lil wayne's daughter & I think Tiny's daughter & some other fast ass girls lol. I mean I wish I could fuck every girl in the world isn't somethin you'd want your daughters to be around.. awkward. & then why did Wayne & Baby nem perform that song that nobody really knows and nobody actually likes. Well i don't like it. I'm just saying.. And all that bleeping which BET MISSED.

Drake has never been a favorite artist of mine. I don't understand his hype. I liked him on Degrassi & was listening to his music because of that but with sooo much hoooplah surround him you'd think he would be great. As a new artist you have to give your all and he clearly isn't.

ok lets wrap it up. The whole show was a mess.

I'm gonna put on a tribute for the great Michael Jackson. Why didn't Chris Brown perform?! Ok so he beat Rihanna's ass. So WHAT?! He admitted his guilt and is working on becoming a better man. We all make mistakes, our's just aren't broadcast for the whole world to see. I mean Rihanna wasn't too hurt if her ass was STILL tryin to get Breezy. She should be penalized for being a stupid girl cuz if he was abusing her she should've had enough sense to leave. He was wrong too.. but this was supposed to be a Michael Jackson tribute and it just was a C for effort.

They need a re-do. This awards show sucked. At least in previous shows Beyonce came out and got everybody hype. The only good "popular" upbeat songs were Keri & Souljah Boy.

Tiny ass is just an embarrassment. Why does she talk like that?! Ghetto ass. I can't watch her new show. All of BET's new shows are gonna be a mess. Can we just boycott BET now?! I'll form a new station if you're with me.. Lets do it. We can do much better than this fuckery and niggashyt.

The Bet Awards embarrassed all black people. thats final..

I'm out. I'm mad. ugh.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Nappy & Loving It

So I wanted to have my air straightened for my upcoming job interviews.. You know just to look more put together. The fro can get a bit unruly sometimes. I am very adamant about not wanting to get a relaxer EVER again.

Of course the beautician tries to swindle me into getting a perm. Like wtf?! I did this for a reason. It wasn't just something I decided on a whim. I debated this for YEARS.

Yes I know its going to be hard.. but don't tell me to perm my edges and sides. Hell thats the softest and most manageable of my textures.

Fuck it. I'm rocking my smedium 'fro. I think I'm beautiful regardless. At least one guy agrees. All the rest can kiss my ass.

Changes 6.8

I got tired of the black background so I made it white. Instantly made the mood a bit more inviting. A black blog with neon colors is soooo oldies anyways. I had that same mindset for the old tripod account wayyy back lmao :)

I have come to realize that I often make my self out to be the victim A LOT. I'm always on some dramatic trip about how this guy sucks or how my life is just so blahh. Well I am to blame. Duh. Of course I do find myself being in the most "fucked up of situations" I still can't put the blame solely on the opposing party. Half of the time the persons whom I am angry with don't even know that I am so why bother.

I contradict myself all the time.. but hey that's me.

I get so upset at this guy that I like who I guess has a thing for me too because he has a girlfriend and I feel that he talks to me way more than he talks to her. Why? I'm jealous. I'd love for him to break up with her. That just seems so wrong but it is the truth. You can't help who you like.. I'll never tell him that he should break up with her though. That is all types of bad in my opinion.

I am like the textual mistress. Najee called me the mistress once. It made me kind of mad since I had that idea in my head already. He was clearly only kidding and I was mad at myself, not him. Anywho, I'm a natural gabber. You can talk to me about anything and I can hold a conversation with anywho. Somehow the conversation lands on sex alot with some people which is how I weed them out of the potentials list.

there is a guy.. his blog is pretty awesome. I don't think I know him, but i read some entries today. Very entertaining. http://edotdizz.blogspot.com

I'm gonna start the cleanse diet thing. You know I'm all for fads. I would love to go out running but I live in Texas. Today it is 104 I believe.. the Heat index is 108. Um I would die if I ran. Its 80-90 at NIGHT!! Too hot to sweat so my only option is this liquid diet. No solids. This means NO splashtown saturday =/ I think i have too much pudgelle for a bikini. I mean I know there will be women and men with far worst bodies than I.. You know how waterparks are. I just don't wanna be that girl with the jiggling booty/thighs and plumpish midsection

Annoyance of 2009

I have a BIG annoyance with the vast number of faux artsy fartsy people who i've come in contact with over the last 2-3yrs. You know the ones who just follow the crowd and become deeply involved into poetry & spoken word, drastically change their hair to some weird bright color, extremely short, dreads etc; then mysteriously turn gay like its the "new black". The attention seekers. Those who just became fans of Erykah Badu & Lauryn Hill's OLD ish last fall. The people who jump on the latest "hot" artist like he is God Send. The people who join the poetry group; try to portray what they think a spoken word artist should sound like. Or want to be a rapper/singer.. But really have no talent. I honestly feel like most people do spoken word when they don't have a REAL talent in a pageant or something. Its like "I can read & change my voice at the correct moment.. Getting louder when I feel the audience should give me a sound reaction". Faux artsy.

They become vegan or stop eating beef because its healthy for them yet.. they still eat fried chicken. That aint healthy. Faux artsy people are just big contradictions themselves.. But I kinda am too. Oh well. At least i'm not trying to be contradictory.. i just have that type of life.. :)

I know everyone is supposed to find themselves in college but must you just conform to how the "cool kids are"? WTF?! .. ugh.

thats all i have to say. Just because you change your hair, spruce up your wardrobe, smoke weed and engage in bi-curious activities doesn't change YOU. Its all a facade. Take off the makeup and look in the mirror.

I'm not crazy.. i'm just a lil unwell

I was recently conversing with Cousin and he informed me that ALL guys say the same thing about me.. I'm crazy, psycho, bi polar.. etc. I don't know why they think that I said.. & he informed me of how I act around guys and things that I have said..

Okay, so if you want to know why the young one thought I was crazy.. There was this one incident where I told him I had a list of 101 ways to kill and torture him and how I could cover up my tracks so that I would not get caught. Realistically I didn't. I promise. But he believed me.. Maybe because i've tried to stab him with a screw driver & the look in my eyes when i did it.. He always hid anything sharp from me, razors, scissors, etc. What a scary ass. Ok so now that I look back that was crazy.. i really liked him tho and i didn't appreciate how he tried to treat me smh.

Idk.. What is crazy about me? I just have this thing in my head where I say or do things as if there is a camera recording it. Like i'm in a movie.. Sometimes I'm actually acting out a scene in my head like "it would be really entertaining if i said this.. did that" and I do it to get a reaction. I'm just kidding though! I think it is funny to get a reaction. I always say jk.. but dudes never believe that.

Cousin says that's why I'm single. I appear to be crazy to guys. I still say that most dudes are intimidated by me and my bluntness. & i don't give the 'right' guy a chance. I am my own worst enemy. Who cares.

I enjoy being single until i'm stuck being 3rd & 5th wheel all the damn time.

Maybe I should cross over?? Ok.. I'm now accepting all races. :)

Hauntings of My Mind..

Where shall i begin.. Oh lets just speak the normal blabber jabber that im notorious for. Disregard the horrible grammar but my thought process has yet to be molded by the great english professors of spelman ha.ha.

My fears.. I'm really afraid of the dark.. but only because I always feel as if there is something lurking in the shadows or in the closet watching me. I get the weirdest vibe when I fall asleep in my room so I prefer to sleep on the couch. Everytime I lay down to sleep or nap I feel like death is only moments away. Its a really strange feeling. Its like an intense feeling that overcomes me. Imagine someone pressing an anvil on your forehead and you have to push it off with your thoughts along. ok that made no sense but it scares me..

Sometimes I think that i'm already dead and this is just the "after life" that i'm living and at the end I'll get to watch this tape back and relive it all over and over again. What is that is all life is. A repetition of scenes recorded in our minds that we have to watch from start to finish over and over again. Like a virtual reality world.

I still believe there is some unknown presence in my room. A haunting soul. Its the creepiest part of the house. Idk why. Weird things happen. I can be in any other room and it all seems normal.. but that room. That window.. that closet. The window really freaks me out. i have to have the blinds & curtains closed at all times. The closet is creepy because I'm pretty positive something threw my sleeping bag out of it.. It couldn't have fell down from the shelf. It had to have a force to act upon it because of the distance and height it came out straight on before falling straight down at least a yard away from its original position.

Maybe its all in my mind. but i'm not crazy :)

I had a conversation with my cousin.. but it won't fit this.. to be continued.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Cunnilingus?

Do you know what cunnilingus is? Well maybe you should google it :)

When did guys all bond together and decide that performing this sex act was the way to go? When did it become okay to do this with someone other than the Wife? Where was I when this transition occurred. Maybe like the Digital transition that happened that nobody realized until days later..

I say this because lately I'm come across many guys who enjoy cunnilingus like its the new pair of Js. SMH. I remember when you could not pay a guy to do that to you yet he always enjoy fellatio as if it were the ultimate test of "do you like me? well.." I'm not mad at this at all. Maybe its more of a young guy thing. Older more experienced guys have no problem with this at all.. but shall i tell you all a secret? Well my first oral encounter happened when I was on twelve.

Yes. I said it. 12 years of age. He was 16. It started out as a kiss. My first kiss actually. Then he asked if he could "*** ** ***" and I didn't know what it meant so I said "ok". I figured it was like a french kiss with a twist. Of course it was not. I was shocked. I was a virgin. I felt tainted afterwards, especially when he asked for me to return the favor and I said Hell no. I mean when I was that age, I knew that good girls didn't do that and only slutty white girls gave head. That wasn't I. I was the prudish girl who got her first kiss at the age of 12 by a guy who clearly took advantage of her. Needless to say it didn't go farther than that and I was back asleep in my sister's bed like nothing happened.

The next time I experienced this sexual act I was in 11th grade. Again he was a couple of years older. 19 perhaps. Then senior year of course. My guy was in his 20s. Fast forward to college: MOST GUYS DO IT. ON the first night. To me, it became more of a "well I won't have sex with you but we can just.. watch tv" and most guys can't watch tv without trying something. So of course they think that just because you get the cunnilingus action going on then it may be easier to go "all the way, may!" with you. Exact opposite. If I reach an orgasm, there is no need to continue.

To me, this act became a "get back" thing. I used it to feel empowered by all males who have used women for sex. Yes in my twisted little mind I became a feminist by using guys for what I wanted. The best part about this was not returning the favor. That was my ultimate kick in the balls moment. For everytime I guy has hit it and quit or slept with the best friend or sent nude pics of her to all his friends. SMH

Of course, I'm not sayint that I've never did anything. Thats up to you to decide I suppose. Its no secret. I'm no virgin. I do what I want and with whomever I choose. But of course there is a double standard. Of course this type of behaviour is not common with the female sex. This is strictly a guy trait. But why should men have all the fun. All of the pleasure.

To me performing oral of a guy and getting no oral in return is the same as bowing down to a man and being submissive to him. Sorry. I can't rock with that. I refuse to be used as some sex pawn. My sexuality is apart of me spiritually and I cannot give my all to someone who does not want to or refuses to give me the same as I have given him or MORE. Maybe this seemingly male characteristic that I possess comes from the fact that I grew up around all boy cousins and brothers. I hung out with mostly guys because girls were very fake and catty. Most were jealous because of what I accomplished, who I got attention from, or how I looked. This is obviously common to most females- but anywho.. I bonded better with guys and for the longest I had many males friends who considered me "just one of the guys" which is a nice place to be.

I was always protected. I felt protected. I learnt so much from just observing them. What they said in front of the ladies and what was said behind their backs. Of course this gave me an uncanny bullshit radar which is AWESOME. I know how guys front. I know how far a guy will go to get what he wants and how he will always tell his friends once he got it. By being around them, I began to act like them in some sorts. I have very traditionally masculine traits. I try not to be so sexy.. but then again i realize that sexyness just exuberates throught my person. Even in sweats and a hoodie I can grab the eye of a man. Maybe its my geisha background lmao.

So with this being said: when did cunnilingus become the latest fad? Do you know how many guys will just walk up to you and say "Damn, I just wanna taste it" Boy sit down. SMH. And of course since my name is Bee, guys always text referring to tasting the honey. I think i'm to blame. Ever since that halloween costume its been all types of bad.

I think the sudden surge in cunnilingus interest is mostly in the black community. I have discovered that alot of white girls still prefer to just please than be pleased.

Well whatever you like do it well. This has been a sex blog. Enjoy.
Maybe my novel will reflect this. Hmm. You know what they say; Sex sells :)