I have been groomed to be ashamed of my body.
For as long as I remember, my body was sexualized by men- young & old. I was taught that I had to cover up because men could not control themselves and I was doing something to entice them.
Then as I grew older I realized that it became more of a race issue. Lets go back to the years 2004-2007. My High School Years. When my rebellious fire became lit from within.
There was a silly dress code that said that all shorts, skirts, culottes - what have you must at least be fingertip length. Simple right? Wrong. This began a series of unfortunate events. I remember wearing skirts ALL the time.. because I loved them. And I was harassed every single time. One day I was forced to stand outside in the hallway while two caucasian teachers debated if my skirt was long enough. I stood tall & proudly extended my arms down the length of my torso until they stopped a centimeter or two above the hem of my skirt. It was fingertip length. There shouldn't be any problems, right? Wrong. "Well look at the back" said one caucasian teacher. "It looks shorter back here." "Yea, I know its fingertip length but it just doesn't look appropriate." "Yea.. you shouldn't be allowed to wear this again." Wait what? You mean because I have a little butt back there and long legs, the rules don't apply to me? So you're really telling me-- a straight A student who never causes any disruptions in class that certain clothes look inappropriate on her EVEN though they were well within dresscode? Hmmmm.... And I'd see white girls wear even shorter skirts and no one barely made a peep. Why? Because they generally didn't have an ass. Oh but excuse me for being black. Shaming my curves before I even had REAL ones.
The same thing happens today. Black women at my job are told AS SOON as we walk in the door for training that it is in our best interest to buy a smock or kill guard to cover our bodies so that we aren't showing the offenders our bodies. White women don't have to. No one tells them that they should wear smocks. Funny that even at 26 I have the same problems with my damn curves. Crazy that I actually wouldn't mind wearing a smock but just because I have an ok shape, I must cover it up because it is attractive to men. Forget the fact that I am a woman and most men who haven't seen a woman in years would be attracted to my ass.. No. You have hips and an ass. Cover it up. Really??? Ok.