Monday, January 23, 2017

Loved & Lost Again

I was certain that He was the one. But as always I was loud and wrong. I just knew I had met my King. He made me feel beautiful when others made me feel like I was nothing special. Grabbed handfuls of my flaws and stared my insecurities in the eyes and said "I love this".
He kissed away my fears. He wiped away tears. And then as fast as he came, he was gone. My King was gone. Found another Queen like he had done a few times before. Gave me way less when I wanted more.

But if he doesn't love me, then who will? Am I destined to be alone forever? Without him, who am I?

So I lost my King to the same bitch I once took him from. I guess my love wasn't really what he wanted. Karma. She is forever kicking my ass. Karma. She will forever make her sweet presence known.

Oh well. His family loved her even when he thought I could be a replacement. I should have ran away when he said that he didn't think he wanted to get married. Or when he said he didn't know if he wanted to have kids or not. But when he asked if I would be ok with that, I lied and said I would.

But that's Brittney. Always willing to sacrifice her wants for just a smidgen of happiness. So did I really lose? Am I unhappy? Is she better than me? Is he better off without me? Will I move on? Why can't I cry? I guess I'm just done... or am I really numb? Better than being dumb.

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