I haven’t blogged much lately.. [this is becoming redundant. I start most blogs like this—redo] I think my gap is actually smaller than I think. Its virtually invisible in most pics (unless I’m really up in my grill—) That’s how life is. You always envision your problems (or in this case, flaws) to be much bigger than they really are. I feel as if my whole life is crumbling because I’m not enrolled in school right now, work a sucky ass job that stresses me out daily, still live with my parents, can’t seem to save enough money to move out or buy a car, still owe ridiculous amounts in student loans & other bills I acquired while at Spelman… I’m single. I just feel like I’m not doing anything. I mean, I work but when you have a hand like ME, money goes by rather quickly. I need to revamp my life. I have responsibilities now. No more spending ridiculous amounts at the bar buying drinks for others (I’m a friendly drunk).
My friends never have to pay me back.. There were so many times when I didn’t have ANYTHING in my wallet & they told me not to worry and covered my broke ass. I always remember the good things people have done for me. They can ask me for ANYTHING & I will hand it over no problems because I know they’d do the same for me. Sadly I can’t say the same for my own family members. That’s another issue that’s far too big to put on these here innanets…
I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life. Everyone keeps telling me that they thought I’d be the one who’d be famous by now. Doing what, I have no idea. My step mother said she always thought I’d be a model. I’m wayy too curvy for that shit though. *sigh* Others see me as an actress.. Novelist… All things creative. I have so many ideas in my head. I think they’re all fabulous but people just think I’m crazy. Sometimes I’m at work and I just think… I know I look off to the customers but I mean who really cares. I’m so ready to be THE Brittney Michelle B*****. I need to make Vividly Bland a big BRAND and not just some bull. Time to make money off my talents. I think I want to go to art school now. I know the job market is pretty slim for that sort of thing but who cares?! Its time to follow my heart. I just want to be happy.. and if happiness involves me doing crazy shit like shake my jelly, then ima shake my jelly til it turns to jam. I’ve had sooo many opportunities to make it BIG. Idk whyyy I haven’t jumped on any yet. Coulda been on the bad girls club but I felt it would tarnish my “name/reputation” as if my fucking rep hasn’t been dragged from every swamp in the continental US.
Coulda been a correspondent for talk show. Coulda been a rapper’s girlfriend & been on a damn Hip Hop Wives show on Vh1. Coulda been a stripper and had Drake fall in love with my ass. Mayne, I coulda did it all and haven’t done SHIT yet. Time to make it work. Time to get serious. Time to………
1 comment:
"I feel as if my whole life is crumbling because I’m not enrolled in school right now, work a sucky ass job that stresses me out daily, still live with my parents, can’t seem to save enough money to move out or buy a car, still owe ridiculous amounts in student loans & other bills I acquired while at Spelman… I’m single."
^^^THIS pretty much just summed up how I feel about my life in a nutshell. Well...I went to CAU but still. I feel you. Every day feels like an uphill battle but it has to get better somehow, right?
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