Saturday, April 30, 2011

A Woman Like Me

Do you think you could fall for a woman like me? Cuz I find it hard to trust, I need too much & I really don't believe in love... Do you think that I could be the girl of your dreams? Sometimes I don't let things go, get emotional & sometimes I'm just out of control...

Last night I pierced my nipples. Yes, both of em. I felt like I needed to do something to cause more pain than the heartache I was experiencing. You know, the pain from my nipples being pierced by two huge needles HAD to be wayyy more intense than anything involving my heart. It kind of worked. Tonight was the first night I didn't cry  in a few days. I'm still hurting though but I know that once my boobs heal, my heart will as well. Or is that wishful thinking?

Hmmm.. I honestly don't know. I just need something to take care of to distract me from everything WRONG in my life. I've been sick for most of 2011. I spoke too soon. I feel tears a'coming but I refuse to cry. A woman like me.. man. Who wouldn't want a woman like Bee? Sheesh.

I need to get far away.. Because every time I see him with her, I want to fall to my knees in tears. Whenever I see him I just want to runaway & hide. I can't do THIS anymore.

 I can't be your friend but I don't want to completely erase you from my life... But I can't move on from you if I don't erase you from my life entirely. Honestly, I just hope that this decision is for the best. I don't like how you look at her the same way you used to look at me.

My friends thought that maybe if I had a one night stand I'd feel better-- eh no thanks. lol. Or to just find a new guy... I can't. My heart isn't ready for that. *sigh* Or am I just being too dramatic? Probably so. I just feel like you've strung me along... I wasted  some of the best years of my life on you... You just threw my love away. I want to know WHY her--- well really, Why not ME? Yea.. why NOT me?! Men.

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