Bland Blues

shit never changes. always stays the same. I often wonder what the heck I’m doing with my life. To be so close yet so distant is what my heart has been cursed with. I just expected things to change… one day. I thought that if I convinced him to leave her, he would eventually be with me. Ha. funny. I also thought that if I got my own place he’d want to be around me more. If he got to know me he’d finally see how awesome I am. He’d see shit that other guys see. Why can’t he see that shit. Oh the life of Bee. So fuckin depressing at times.
Kind of sad that my friends don’t like it when I’m locked away in my room for long periods of time because they see how “sad” I am. I refuse to say depressed but that may be a better word for how they feel about my situation.
I guess this has to be my outlet for now. Don’t want people to fear the worst. Or be worried that I may attempt suicide. I’ve loved & I’ve lost but.. I will win again. One day.
How do you make someone fall in love with you? Waiting on mother nature to do things for me isn’t working. Cupid was just another caucasian asshole. I cant kidnap him. *sigh* what ever will Brittney do man.

Texas Independence Day

Today is Texas Independence Day.. & I almost feel like my heart is independent from him. Almost. I am trying to become the best me man. And that can only come if I am free from him. 100%. Why am I still somewhat attached. We tried the love thing. Didn't work. Tried the friends only thing. Didn't work. Even tried to mix sex with friendship-- & that failed miserably. I eventually grew tired of things. I felt horrible forever. So much other shit I HAD to deal with... on top of bullshit involving him. I reached the breaking point. I let go. He let go first though. I can admit that. I just made it all official. I am trying to go 30 days without contacting him. It takes 30 days to get over someone.... i heard at least. So this is day.. 6? Yes. Almost a week. It's crazy. Let's go.

So is today MY physical Independence Day? I mean, it definitely isn't a mental one. Ah. I cannot wait until March 25th. That will be the true test. Until then. No more.

It's rather strange... I've not really been communicating with anyone lately. No men. Barely communicating with my friends. Slowly becoming me again though. I need this break away from people so bad. If I only I could tell you EVERYTHING that has been going on with me. Damn. I tried though. I tried my best. I gave it all I had. You cannot say I didn't do that. When I'm there, I'm all in. I'm not even heartbroken. I'm just here.

Straight Hair Bee

my hair finally touches my back!!! & it's actually curled here :):):)

the front of my hair is past my shoulders!

BeePac's Back!

After about 3 months of no cable or internet services (outside of my cellular phone), BeePac's BACK! OMG! It feels sooo amazing to be able to blog from my living room again.! I know, I know.. I haven't done much blogging this year. Why? 2012 has been all about change & renewal. Eliminating toxic individual & practices out of my life.

I feel like my life is changing for the better & its only up from here. *praises*

So... stay tuned for a photo montage of what you've missed out on the past couple of months.