Sober as hell

Im slipping on the blogging... I've been too busy getting me and my LIFE back together :) I need to fix some flaws in the plan and begin anew.. Its too much going on in the world today for me to be complacent. Time for me to move on from all things bad.

I rarely drink now. Its weird that I'm 21 and can LEGALLY drink but I choose not too. I haven't been drunk since I turned 21. How strange. This doesn't mean I haven't had a drink or two.. lol I just haven't been tipsy or drunk ass hell :)

Thats all for now..

I have to let you go..

I know I should let you go. but i cant. i really tried to but i didnt succeed.
I want to believe that if i stay around things will eventually be in my favor. I want to believe that everything that I have to say will matter to you. I want to believe that I could be with you. but I know thats not possible.

I have to wake up. I have to be smart. I have to let you go. I've tried for months. Still not successful.

I just wanted to kiss you. I just wanted to hug you. I just wanted to breathe in the same air as you breathe and see my reflection in your eyes. I just wanted to be in your arms all night. i just wanted for you to be what I wanted you to be. WITH me.

but thats not possible. I have to grow up. Just be a friend i suppose.

Hmmmmm...

i can never say how i really feel about certain people.
its been that way for years now.. I can't help it.

different guy, same outcome.
the blueprints hardly ever change.
it will always be this way.
he will always be that guy who started out as a friend..
but now i like way more than a friend..
but we cant be anything more than just friends..

and i hate that i let the friend boundaries get blurred
and i hate that i still care about this dumb shit.

i really dont know what i was thinking.
i always do this.
same story, different guy.

not really same story.. but always different guy.
same situation, different babe.

i call you my love, because i care so much.. not love you. i just like you alot..
and i wish that one day i could love you.

oh fuck it.

it has to be lust.
i dont think you like me, like me like Lila & Arnold lol
i just think you like my body.
and the things i say.
sometimes..
i still dont think you "like" me though.
ughh aww poor bee..

i know they're all saying that-
"she's always single"

yeah thats true to .

"she'll never find a man"

yupp probably wont.

oh well.

where's my tequila? lets beat the sobriety outta thus sullen mess.

Legal.

Im 21. Actually it doesn't feel that grand. Maybe because I haven't really celebrated it.. Im sober. I can't believe certain people umm "forgot" but we'll deal with them another time. Like I was so excited for their birthdays but when my special day comes you can't even send a text?? Not ONE text? NOTHING? Did you really forget?? Im kind of happy this happened.. At least my real friends didn't forget. Im sooo over these losers. Im done with the rants..

I just know who is in my corner with me. I like it this way..

All the times you called me crying about bullshit and I sat there and listened for hours-- and you can't even call or text to say TWO words. Happy Birthday. Happy Bday.. NOTHING..

lol. soo typical.

im over it.


you'll need me soon. im not dealing with you anymore. my brother was right. should have listened. over it..

peacee.