Insecurities

I wish my skin was evenly toned. It irks me I have spots on my cheek, forehead and chin. I would never wear foundation if i didnt have those irky marks. Im always breaking out on my chin and forehead tho. smh.. i scrub my face soo hard until its red all over and i look like im sunburnt.. it never seems to be clean enough. you stupid white heads. and the skin products dont improve my skin.. just makes it worse.. ugh. curse you gabrielle union with your flawless evenly toned skin. and mother with your flawless skin.

I wish the gap between my two front teeth would go away again. I tried to get braces but i couldn't. Why? Because I'd end up with spaced out or stacked teeth for years and years all to close ONE gap that isn't even a MM wide. I know its there tho. It closed up for a good two yrs and just came back recently. wtf? I hate it. I really do.

I wish I could get rid of the stretch marks on my hip and ass. Reminds me that regardless of how skinny i get, those bitches will always be there. Its not my fault that Im juicy fruit. I dont know how i got them. they just popped up one day. I even considered getting tat'd over it. smh

I wish i could get rid of the fat around my belly. I wish I could control my eating and work out more. I wish I wish I wish.. I'll keep the ass and thighs and cellulite if only the tummy would go away. thats all..

I wish i didnt have to straighten out my kinky curls. I love my fro but i dont like how fat my face looks now so im straightening it out bc of my own insecurities. my fro is beautiful.. I love my coils. I just dont like that I look more chubby with my fro =[

These Two are So Gay...

There's alot that I just dont understand at times. Two different guys.. both are proving that they are indeed sooo gay. ugh. FML

It's you; You always seem to come back at the oddest times. wtf is up with you?? ughh One minute you're like "i love you & i know you love me... Why don't you move in with me rent free?" & then i look at your facebook a couple of hours later and i see you're in "LOVE" with your girlfriend too. Hmmm i mean, feed me those lines boy. Ironically enough you changed your relationship status AFTER i said i didn't wanna shack up. Its cool tho. I will still be in LA with or without your free rent offer.

and then there is YOU. you know who. you complain about not being able to see me for soo long and when im finally within five miles of your residence, you want to pick a fight. you want to be a bitch. you want to be the ass that you are. Like wtf I look like going to the movies with you when I have to buy MY ticket, DRIVE myself there and back, pick out the movie.. I mean damn, why are you even there?? I can easily go to the movies by myself if im gonna have to pay and drive anyways. thats the ONLY reason why you were asked. i dont like driving.

Its just so annoying with you because the issue of money always seems to come up. I have never asked you for MONEY unlike other girls. Also unlike those other chicks, i refuse to buy you shit either. Maybe that is the problem. If you want me to pay for your company I might as well have one thats finer than you. Hell if ima pay, ima make it worthwhile...

brenda's got a baby

i straightened my hair today. dont have a cow now.. just flat iron'd it. got tired of the fro. trust she will be back again sooner than you think. I just had to iron out the kinks of my life metaphorically so i ironed out the kinks in my hair literally. You really dont know the day i've had.

I had a feeling that I should get married and have a kid. Oookay so the forced proposal went nowhere but i did find a hand full of guys who were willing to impregnate me RIGHT now. Hmm funny.

I cant even find a movie date let alone a guy whose willing to be in a monogamous relationship with me but I can finda plent of dudes who want to be the father of my unfertilized little egg. REally now?!

What has the world come to?? AM i that bad of a person?? can't even get a date.. but a baby? wow. my life sucks.

A Nigga That Held On N *Yawwwn*

I cried today. Not like real tears.. but the worst kind of crying when you are so torn up inside that your body cant even produce a tear or utter a sound. Yea that's exactly how I was. Men always make me forget how strong I am when they play with my emotions. Maybe not even "play" with my emotions, but just tug at my heart strings. Okay maybe not really "tug" at my heart strings but have me open up. I can't open up because being hurt scares me. It never fails; everytime I am completely open my heart begins to break. Its crumbling as I type this.

WHY? you ask...

Well.. there was this guy, you know THAT guy. I was trying to be whatever he wanted me to be. Do whatever he wanted me to do.. Just so I could be "one with him". Hmmm.. Well after all these years I've realized taht we are still at this same place. I have to let go sometimes.. but its so hard to. I love him. He loves me (he says so at least..) but we can't be together. We never will. Ugh. Don't play with my emotions. Make a commitment or else.

I could be that girl who physically forces a guy to put a ring on it but I mean it isn't worth it if he still wants to go out and cheat. Age doesn't mean shit. It'll never change.