Friday, February 6, 2009

Shallow Deepness

Lately I haven't been quite the same.. but i'm determined to change that. I hate that everyone has a blog now.. Its kind of depressing. Especially when the purpose of the blog is to put down others or write meaningless things. I write because I know somebody else MAY benefit from something I'm going through or may have to say.. or they may have the ability to HELP me. That's my ultimate goal in life: To help as many people as I can. I'm often beyond broke when i'm out stalking the streets of Atl with my zebra boots and purple hoodie, but whenever I see someone who is asking for spare change.. If its in my pocket, I hand it over. Maybe they're just too lazy to get a job or honestly having it rough but I mean we all go through hard times. Giving a stranger a dollar or two is not going to make much of a difference to my bank account. I mean, if you can go to Lenox and spend $300 on some jeans or shoes I'm pretty sure paying some guy's marta fare won't hurt. Lol.
You don't have to give random street walkers money though to do a "good deed". I mean, have you ever walked through campus and saw someone who is obviously having a bad day? All you have to do is speak or say Hello and it may just CHANGE they're day. A smile works just as well.

Anywho, my life has been difficult lately and i'm still trying to work out some things. I just had to realize that I can't solve all of my problems MYSELF or through writing about it. I internalize soooo much because I don't like to worry others with what's going on and I learnt that i HAVE to express every emotion.. even if i feel it may hurt others; it HAS to be let out. I'm a self diagnoser. I hate doctors. I hate medicine. I rather do this all on my OWN. But I can't do it all. Not being able to help myself in my mind shows "weakness". I've always been self sufficient. I potty trained myself actually at the age of 2.. I was walking at like 8 months. Since then I never asked anyone to do anything for me. I never ask for help. When I need to move something heavy.. I do it myself. Homework?? Figure it out on MY own.. Sometimes it causes problems cuz with a little assistance my good work could have been great. I'm just an independent mind i guess.

soo.. I'm working on me. You should too.

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