Of course I have the hugest crush on a guy.. And he has a girlfriend. Womp womp. How obvious that I would want someone else man candy. I can't help it. We talk all day EVERY day. Each day I learn something new about him & he about me. It's like we're weirdly connected in some way.
While having a random conversation he asked me where I wanted to live after graduation. Now i've thought of this before but could never figure it out.. But since I hate wearin coats & layers.. and I don't like sweating.. I need dry heat. So I chose Vegas. I visited. Loved that I walked the whole strip yet didn't sweat. Its always busy. Plus I won't have to worry about stupid grass. lol. Ironically enough that's where he wants to live. Weird. Then last night he texted and asked what I was doing.. I had just finished watching Horton Hears a Who on HBO. So did he..
Coincidence? I think NOT. I don't know anymore.. I like him. I can't have him. He's with her. Of course he has said that he would rather be with me or something close to that.. maybe that he would LIKE to be with me. Bleh..
I even told him myself that he'd never leave her. lol. I'm not stupid. He has history with her. That will overshadow any fun spontaneity and new adventures I bring. I can't help it. Guys always wonder how the grass is over here on my side but it never works. I'm like that free spirit that ppl say they want & need but in the end they settle on the one with the box'd in attitude. The normal girl. The typical woman.
I'm no sorority chick. I don't like being made up 24/7. I like rockin my fro. I could care less about what other's think about me.. I like watchin cartoons. I dont care about the nutritional value of my food. I wear oversized tshirts & cut off sweats most days. I'm a plain jane with extraordinary flare. I throw on some jeans and a tee & guys think I'm attractive. I dont try. I thought that by down playing the sex appeal dudes would stay back. Eh complete opposite. Maybe I should be the cookie cutter Spelmanite. Get long hair. And be flirty. Ahhh.. then i'll be that bland chick. the one like the other..
I talk shit to people.. and guys think i'm flirting. No i'm just a bitch. Then dudes always say you're not confident when i downplay their compliments. Im oozing with confidence. I just hate that everything that you say about my body is what i'm trying to change. You can only get attention for being curvy for so long. I've had an ass since birth. Dudes have called in big since Elementary. I kid you not. BP & Hammer. 1st grade. Music room. XTRA XTRA is what they called me. Bad asses.
Girls think that they want hips & thighs. Nice boobs. All that. The body i've been tryin to destroy by not workin out. Uh yeah. This shit sucks. Guys forget that you have a brain and are actually a pretty awesome woman bc of ur ass. That's why I talk shit. Hurt their feelings. & keep love far away. Bc in the end they're fallin in love with the exterior. Maybe i'll marry a blind man. At least I'll know he's listening to me and what i have to say..
And to that boy. Mister.. yeah. Im kinda over it now. He's lusting over me. He loves his girlfriend. Blah. They deserve each other. I can find better (wishful thinking..) Guess I'll see you next lifetime. (thanks erykah..)