If you know me, you'd expect me to say this. It happens every year around this time. I try so hard to do the right thing.. but I just NEVER make it to the "right" side. I'm a rebel by nature. I may not be the most religious person but I am a Believer. I believe that I am here on this Earth for a purpose and that I'm supposed to live my life to standards that I don't always live up to.
With that being said.. I've been pondering about a situation for quite some time. Alot has been going through my little brain. I asked for a sign.. A signal to the right direction and I think I've found it. I know I saw the sign. It came as a surprise but right when I needed it nonetheless. I just wanted to know what I should be doing. If this path was right for me. I now know what I need to do. Its time to say goodbye.
I've been holding on to the past with dear life. I was trying to find that girl who got lost along the way.. I thought that by going back I would pick her up & start again. Wrong. That girl has moved on.. I just haven't caught up with her yet. I wanted to be the same. I didn't want things to change. I just wanted to be Happy. In my eyes happiness came with this sense of getting that back. All the long I should have just let it go.
Ahhh I really feel a bit more free right now. I have to do what is best for me. I have to face the music. I have to move on. It sucks but it is true. I'm not going to lie.. I still feel alone but I'm hoping that by me doing what I know is right some peace of mind will come along with it. I want to be happy but its not easy to be happy..
Have you ever tried to be happy.. forcing a smile on your face?? I told myself that I was going to embrace a change and move on but I can't.. I haven't. This really sucks. I don't know how to be me anymore. Everyone expects soo much. Perfection is not ME. I was never that girl.. I know I have to move on. I said I was moving on. But when you spend so much time on THAT you really don't know how to be You without IT.
Ahhhh. I just need to release these dragons. Breathe. Let it go. Ride it out... WOOOOOOOOO SAHHHHHHHHHHHH.