Foolish

For some reason that damn song my ashanti is playing.. smh.

So there were two guys to fully pull me through the fire today. And yess at the same time.. Lets start from the beginning.

Alex text'd me this morning; asked when was he going to see me. Of course I said you can come over now.. I don't mind you watching The View, Divorce Court & E! True Hollywood Story with me.. Just made it clear that we were not going to have sex. For many many reasons. I mean guy, you have a girlfriend! Who am I? Just a bang bang skeet skeet-- Its not gonna be like that. So then he tried to make me feel bad for him saying that she's leaving/moving away just like I did so they're breaking up. Trying to make me feel sorry for him; which worked.. He said that everybody always leaves him.. Let me post the text verbatim.

I will never tell you how I truly feel about you cause I'm not gonna put myself out there cause I refuse to get hurt when everybody always leaves me stuck stupid
-- So I say thats not fair to me at all! I constantly put myself out there trying to make things more convenient for you.. And you can't even tell me how you feel?
WTF? Why can't guys just be honest and tell you how they feel.. Things would be so different if I just knew what he was thinking because all of this up & down mess just makes it seem that he just wanted SEX. I'm not doing that. I can't put all of me in something knowing all the while that he's holding back..
So he says:
You leave just like everyone else selfish not caring about me at all
-- Now this just pushed me over the damn edge.
"Selfish? Ha.. Right. Don't blame me for obvious bad karma. You get what you deserve. I didn't leave you. Never were we in a DAMN relationship so I had no obligations to stay here..."

Dude. You had something good. You didn't want to commit so I moved on.. But now that it seems that the same girl who you basically chose over me is moving on with her life, trying to BETTER herself career-wise you now see that damn, I did her wrong.. Because clearly you cheated on her with me.. And me with her vice versa. The whole time we were "together" you were telling me that she was your friend's EX and then 2 yrs later you finally admit that you and her are a couple.. DAMN. Kind of hurt even though its old. So yes Nigga you got what you deserve. Trying to make me feel bad that he can't tell me how he feels and that he is upset that I chose my education over him. NO NO NO! I didn't chose nothing over anything. WE were not together. You didn't care.. You didn't tell me you cared if you did so I don't know~ Why should I feel bad because I left.. I come back every holiday. If i had a reason to be HERE i would come back more. But I don't.

I don't even have a home anymore. How do you feel like a guest in your OWN house? I don't have a room. I sleep on the damn couch!! I have to ask permission to use ish that has been mine for 12 years!! And you want me to feel sorry that I left. No, You were never there for me emotionally. I put it all out there and you were just like nah.. idk. I asked you, if I moved back home would we be together.. you said you didn't know.. that means NO. So there. I'm over it.

Men always feel like they should control things. Just because I want to be independent and make my own, you're salty? Will you pay my bills? Will you support me financially? NO! Nigga you ain't never bought me shit. And you think I care that you're sad?? It sucks.. People move on but guess what.. Its bad karma.

I don't even wanna talk about the other dude now.. more later.. smh.