Sunday, July 25, 2010

So like I've been saying..

I've said this so many times before... I am a walking contradiction. *sigh* I say certain shit but I embody something totally different. Lately I've been debating the weave/contacts thing. I LOVE HAIR & I love my green eyes but I feel like I have a certain image to live up to. I should only wear my real hair now since I'm natural because if I don't then I am conforming to the white man's standard of beauty of the standards of beauty that society has created. *eye roll*. That if I get tired of dealing with my own hair daily, I cant grab a few bags of remy because I am denying my natural beauty. That I have low self esteem because I choose to wear makeup when I go out instead of rocking my discolored face raw & untouched.

Its a constant battle with MYSELF more than anything. I don't want people to ever say I hate myself because I love me. I really shouldn't care what others think but lets be honest, I kinda do. SMMFH.

I don't want to send out the wrong impression. I don't want to look like a hypocrite. I mean, the reason why I cut my hair short in the first place was because this guy I was with told me that I wouldn't look cute with short hair. That I needed long hair to be beautiful. He tried to break me. I vowed that I wouldn't let another guy break me again so I CUT my hair off. I stopped wearing weave for damn near a year. I stopped relaxing my hair.

I don't need some guy to validate shit for me. I don't need anyone too. Fuck it. I just had my own little epiphany. If I want to wear weave down to my ass I will. Lawd knows the next day I'm liable to take it out and unleash my fro. Why? Because Bee comes cute in every flavor. :)

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